Norm Peterson quotes from Cheers

Sam

What do you say, Norm?

Norm

Any cheap tawdry thing that will get me a beer.

Oh, look. You both seem like nice people, huh?. Do yourselves a favor – don't hire me.

Norm

Well, that's an interesting sales pitch you have there, but, uh, we, uh, we're quite serious about this.

You don't know what you're letting yourselves in for here. A lot of pain, a lot of heartache, a lot of misery.

Carla

And that's just when you see the bill.

My cousin – she's a pistol.

Oh, Norm. Where did we go wrong?.

Norm

I don't know. I've been racking my brain trying to figure it out. I mean, day after day, night after night, I sit on that stool out there wondering: why did she lose interest in me?

Sam

Bowling?

Carla

I've got this theory, Sam. You see all those other sports require real athletic ability but with bowling we got the makings of a great team.

Sam

Carla...

Carla

Listen. Listen. Any bowling alley what do you see? A bunch of out of shape, big couch potatoes who do nothin' but sit around and swill beer.

Norm

All right. We're number one.

Norm

What do you supposed happened to him?

Cliff

It's obvious, isn't it? My father didn't trust me so he gave me the slip out of the bathroom window. I guess I'll, uh, just go home. (dejected, he starts to leave)

Carla

But, you're ruling out the other possibility.

Cliff

What other possibility?

Carla

Well, it's a little known fact, but more and more people have been going into men's rooms and vaporizing. I mean just disappearing into thin air. It's an unexplained phenomenon.

Norm

It's kinda like, uh, the Bermuda Triangle.

Carla

That's right.

Cliff

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get serious, will you.

Carla

Have it your way.

Cliff

Well, you know, however, uh, this much is true: you know, uh, it's been recent sightings of, uh, human beings being, uh, shot up into the underbelly of alien spacecraft. You know, and speaking of the Bermuda Triangle... it's not technically a triangle.

Woody

It's not?

Cliff

Heck no! It's a "trapazedarhomboid". Perfect for, uh, attracting Martian spacecraft.

Norm

Come on, man. Don't tell me you keep your money in your shoe.

Woody

Boy, you guys really do think I just fell off the turnip truck. [he pulls a white cloth out of his shoe] This is where I keep the map of where the money's buried in my back yard.

Sam

Aw, come on, man. Just 'cause he looks like a spy and acts like a spy doesn't mean he is a spy, does it?

Norm

I think it pretty much does, Sam. You don't suppose this guy is with, like, the CIA or FBI or anything, do you?

Cliff

Ah, could be.

Sam

Alright, let's go over the four things we know about him: He's been here since we opened, he's not drinking, he's not waiting for a table upstairs... Actually, that's only three. Anybody else know anything?

Diane

You're an idiot!

Sam

That would be four, then.

Norm

Mr. Reinhardt. Hi, sir. What a coincidence that you caught me in here. I was just using the washroom.

At ease, Peterson. We know you spend a lot of time here. This is where we send your checks.

Woody

Mr. Dalton, you've had so many bizarre and terrifying experiences.

Some people say I have a death wish. Far from it, I have a life wish.

Cliff

So does Normy.

Norm

What?

Cliff

He wishes he had one.

Woody

Hey, Mr. Peterson, can I pour you a beer?

Norm

Okay Woody but be sure to stop me at 1. Ah, make that 1:30.

Woody

Looks like Sammy got his walking papers. I know how he feels.

Norm

Yeah I think we've all been there before, Woody.

Cliff

Well it's never happened to me, so I guess I'll just have to imagine it.

Norm

Cliffie, you actually have to go with someone before you can get dumped.

Woody

How you feeling today, Mr. Peterson?

Norm

Pour.

Woody

I'm so sorry to hear that.

Norm

[pointing to the beer tap] No, I meant pour.

Norm

Are you in pain, Woody?

Woody

No, I was just thinkin'.

Norm

Yeah, the first time's always the worst.

Woody

Who do you think Sam's gonna propose to, tonight?

Carla

What're you babblin' about, Billy Bob Joe Jim?

Norm

Have you checked out the rest of the place yet?

Carla

No, I thought it might be a good idea to have a beer first.

Norm

Yeah, I find that pretty much applies to everything.

Cliff

Today marks the beginning of my seventh year as a United States postal carrier.

Norm

Woody, I think that calls for a little drink on the house. What do you think?

Woody

I think you're right, Mr. Peterson.

Norm

What the hell, give Cliffie one too.