Paige Matthews quotes from Charmed

Paige

We're just playing hookie.

Piper

Well Paige, you can't play hookie, cos see, you're unemployed.

Piper

What's the matter with your neck?

Paige

It's this cramp, I've had it for a couple of days now.

Piper

Well, why don't you get a massage?

Paige

Oh, yeah, I'll pencil that in. Right between vanquishing demons and training to be your midwife. (Piper holds up an ugly pale pink dress.) No.

Piper

Well, A, I don't need midwives because I'm delivering with a doctor not sisters. And B, you need to start taking care of yourself because you've actually been working harder than when you were working.

Paige

Yeah, well, someone has to pick up the slack, especially with hermit lady just laying around the house.

Piper

The hermit lady?

Paige

Yeah, Phoebe? Have you noticed she hasn't left the house in weeks.

Piper

What do you mean? She leaves the house every morning.

Paige

No, she leaves the house to go to work. I can understand wanting a break from guys, but come on already, she's gonna wear out the batteries.

Piper

Ah, Paige!

Paige

Hi Phoebe. We were just talking about you.

Piper

And your batteries.

Piper

I say we go back in there and pull her out by her hair!

Paige

No, no, we can't make a scene. We need a plan.

Piper

Ok, here it is. We go home...we vomit...

Paige

And?

Piper

That's all I got so far.

Paige

Leo, we saw Phoebe and Cole's tongues locked, hands groping all over each other.

Leo

Ok, didn't need the visual.

Paige

(after leaping into Leo and exploding him) Ha! Now THAT is a vanquish!

Leo

(reappears) Damn it, Paige! I would appreciate it if you didn't practise on me, I may be dead but it STILL HURTS!

Paige

I am sorry, Leo, but I think I came up with the perfect way to vanquish Cole! I kept thinking 'What is it that makes him so indestructible?' and then I thought 'It's his protection shield!' so I came up with a potion that makes me invisible long enough so I can get past it, say a spell and blow him up from the inside!

Leo

Firstly, congratulations, cool potion.

Paige

Thank you! (she curties)

Leo

Secondly, it will never work.

Paige

And you, you're not La Femme Nikita, you're a Charmed One. Yeah, you don't mind kicking ass when you have to, but otherwise you'd rather be hanging out with your sisters, baking cookies, or knitting booties.

Piper

Knitting booties? Clearly you don't know me at all.

Piper

So you say the club is still successful in this... 'alleged' other reality of yours?

Paige

It's not alleged, it's real. And it's... really good.

Piper

Oh yeah, am I a millionaire?

Paige

(smiles a bit) No, not that good.

Piper

Well, how pregnant am I, exactly?

Paige

Phoebe and I are practising to be your midwives as we speak. We're preparing for the big home birth!

Piper

Home birth, you're nuts, I'd never agree to that, I - I wouldn't give birth unless it was in a hospital-!

Paige

Yeah, yeah, you keep saying the same thing in any reality. Hey, who else but a sister would know that?

Piper

(looking tearful] We must be pretty close then, the three of us.

Paige

(she nods, also fighting back tears)

Piper

Like Phoebe and I were with Prue...

Paige

Yep, close enough to have avenged Prue's death together.

Piper

Did you guys try to vanquish Belthazor ever?

Paige

No, but you and Prue almost tried! You guys had a vanquishing potion, right?

Piper

How do you know that...?

Paige

Book of Shadows. Also says that it needs a piece of his flesh to make it work.

Leo

That's right, it did.

Piper

(she looks at him, then at Paige) All right then. (takes out a dagger) Let's go hunting.

Cole

(looking up from the floor, he sees Paige standing there) You!

Paige

Surprise! (she runs forward and slices a piece of skin from his hand with Piper's dagger)

Paige

Anything?

Piper

No.

Paige

Okay, come on.

Phoebe

(running down the stairs) What are you guys doing here? You have to leave now.

Piper

Where's Cole?

Cole

(surprising them) Right here. (he throws an energy ball, sending them crashing against the wall)

Phoebe

No! (she kneels by them while Cole telekinetically draws the vanquishing potion into his hand) What did you do to them?

Cole

Exactly what they were gonna do to me. (he and Paige glare at each other)

Paige

(taking Piper's wrist) She's still alive. Grab her hand.

Phoebe

(bewildered) What?

Cole

I don't know how you got here, Paige. But if it's any consolation, I know exactly where I'm gonna bury you. Right next to yourself.

Paige

Grab her hand. (she glares at him and then looks at Phoebe)

Phoebe

(standing up) The Power of Three.

Paige

(also standing) That's us. Potion! (her powers activated, the potion orbs from Cole's hand to hers) I do hate long goodbyes.

Phoebe

No! (she takes the potion out of Paige's hand)

Paige

Phoebe, are you crazy? Throw it before he shimmers out!

Cole

She's not gonna throw it. Are you?

Paige

Throw the potion.

Cole

We've been through so much together, haven't we? Our love's so strong, nothing can destroy it, not even this. We're meant to be together.

Phoebe

I don't think so.

Cole

(groans) (screaming) No!

Paige

Oh, please, God, tell me I'm back.

Piper

Oh, there you are. Where'd you orb to?

Paige

Piper. Are you pregnant?

Piper

Yeah. Where you been?

Paige

Oh! (chuckles)

Piper

(grunting) Where have you been? What happened to your clothes?

Paige

Time must have continues moving on in this reality, too.

Piper

I beg your pardon?

Paige

I'm back!

Phoebe

Hey. What's going on?

Piper

She's very happy.

Paige

Phoebe!

Phoebe

Hi. Oh! Oh, okay. What's the celebration?

Paige

I'm just... so happy to be home, that's all!

Piper

You wanted to move out.

Paige

I did? God, no. Never! Well, I mean, you know, maybe when I'm married or pregnant or... hopefully both at the same time. We're sisters. We shouldn't split up until we absolutely have to. You know that, right?

Piper

She's rambling.

Phoebe

I hear that.

Paige

(sneezes) I'm still here, right?

Piper

Mm-hmm.

Paige

I didn't go anywhere.

Phoebe

No.

Paige

(sighs)

Phoebe

Paige, what did you do?

Phoebe

Cole?

Paige

I'm telling you, he's gone. For good.

Phoebe

Yeah, that's what we thought last time.

Piper

And the time before that.

Paige

This time is different. He straddled two worlds just like I did, but he wasn't invincible there. Cole's not coming back... ever.

Piper

It just seems far too easy. I don't know how I feel about that.

Paige

I think you should feel good about it, you know? We don't have to look over our shoulders anymore. It's over.

Phoebe

I guess it just wasn't meant to be.

Piper

Let's go.

Paige

Happy birthday, Cole.

Hurt, why? Wait, you thought you and I...

Paige

No! no. I didn't think that at all

Glen, the minister's waiting

You okay?

Paige

I'm fine. Jessica, I wanted to apologise for not being very friendly earlier, I really am sorry.

Thank you, thanks for saying that.

Paige

I just don't understand what Glen's doing with such a blonde bimbette!

What?!

Paige

And really, who's the surgeon who does those boobs, because they are fantastic, I should get the number for a friend of mine.

Paige, what the hell is wrong with you?

Paige

Me? Well nothing's wrong with me, I'm not the one marrying the wrong woman!

Piper

Why would a demon be interested in killing people's dreams? I mean, they're just harmless erotic fun.

Paige

Did you say erotic?

Piper

(loudly) Exotic! I said exotic!