Kevin Ryan quotes from Castle

Ryan

[to Esposito] I'm your partner. That means I'm with you 'til the wheels fall off.

Ryan

Beckett's a good cop. She can canvass and make googly eyes at the same time.

Ryan

[Looking at a cardboard cut-out of Castle] He really is ruggedly handsome.

Ryan

I, uh, never thought I'd say this after graduating the sixth grade, but our bra research is in!

Ryan

[To Beckett] Staring at the phone won’t make it ring. I learned that in junior high.

Ryan

[after watching the "documentary" about police work in the '70s] So, good old days of police brutality...

Ryan

Hey Castles.

Ryan

[pointing to inscription on Castle's book] From the library of Katherine Beckett.

Beckett

Do you have a problem with reading, Ryan?

Esposito

Yo, check it, girl, you're totally a fan!

Beckett

Right. Of the genre.

Ryan

Right, the genre, that's why you're blushing.

Beckett

What are you, twelve?

Ryan

You're telling me you've lived in New York your whole life, and you've never scored a piece of roadkill?

Esposito

"Roadkill?"

Ryan

It's an accepted practice, bro. You're done with your old stuff, you leave it on the street for those less fortunate. Artists, students, former hedge-fund managers... it's trickle-down economics at its finest.

Esposito

Yeah, well I prefer not to be trickled on.

Ryan

...you know that red couch I have? The one you like so much?

Esposito

Don't you say it, bro.

Ryan

54th and Lex.

Esposito

That's gross. Gross. We are never playing Madden at your place again.

Esposito

Yeah. What are the odds?

Castle

Long, unless they're connected.

Esposito

Well, four years between murders. One's a popsicle, one just got popped. How could they possibly be connected?

Castle

Maybe he and his wife got into something they couldn't get out of. Maybe something to do with a drug habit.

Ryan

So some skell waits four years to finish the job?

Castle

Maybe he finally figured out what happened to his wife and was about to go the police with it.

Ryan

I don't believe it.

Castle

Give me 250 pages, I bet I could make you.

Beckett

We're solving a murder, Castle, not writing a book.

Castle

I would call it, A Chill Runs Through Her Veins.

Esposito

Ooh, I like that.

Castle

Heh! [Two slap hands] "Bam" said the lady, another bestseller for me.

Castle

I had sex with my ex-wife this morning. My first ex-wife. Meredith, Alexis' mom. And she's thinking about moving back to New York. Do you know what that would mean to me? That would be a very special brand of hell: the hell of a deep-fried twinkie.

Ryan

Deep-fried twinkie?

Castle

Yeah, the guilty pleasure that you know is bad for you so you only do it once, maybe twice a year for the novelty,

Ah!

Castle

But a deep-fried twinkie everyday is... [gags]

Beckett

Castle!

Castle

What?

Beckett

Crime scene. Dead body. A little respect here.

Castle

I don't think he can hear me.

Beckett

Okay, how about a little self-respect then?

Castle

...Fine.

Ryan

Why do you writers always call them "perps?"

Castle

Isn't that what you call them?

Ryan

Ah, we've got a whole lot of names for them. Pipehead, pisshead, orc, creep...

Esposito

...crook, knucklehead, chucklehead...

Ryan

...chud, turd...

Esposito

...destro, scall...

Ryan

...skexy, slicko, slick...

Esposito

...mope...

Ryan

...sleestak...

Castle

[writing in notepad] Slow down, slow down!

Beckett

Suspects. We call them suspects.

Montgomery

I'm old-school. I like "dirtbag."

Castle

Classic.

Castle

[Regarding Alexis' date] Boy, I can't believe my little girl is going to prom... my only comfort now is the long-standing tradition of torturing the boyfriend.

Beckett

What do you mean?

Castle

You know, the time-honored hazing that goes on in those few moments we share, where he and I are alone, just before my daughter descends the stairs.

Ryan

I remember the terror of meeting my date's old man.

Castle

What did he do?

Ryan

Checked my wallet for condoms, showed me his gun collection, my hands were shaking so bad I could barely put on the corsage.

Castle

[to Beckett] What did your dad do?

Beckett

[pause] I... I don't know. I was in my room.

Castle

How was your date when you finally came out?

Beckett

You know what, now that you mention it, he looked terrified. [Castle and Ryan nod] And this whole time I though he was scared of me.

Castle

Nope! And now it's my turn...

Ryan

What are you planning?

Castle

Something befitting the name of 'Castle'...

Ryan

Guy in a tree; Mom and Dad bickering. Seems like old times!

Esposito

Mm-hmm!

Lanie

[examining Castle after the car crash] He'll live.

Ryan

What, no brain damage?

Lanie

If he has some, it happened way before tonight and was probably self-inflicted.

Castle

Ahh, good times.