Roy Montgomery quotes from Castle

Montgomery

If there's one thing I hate, it's a dirtbag in uniform.

Beckett

You wanted to see me, sir?

Montgomery

Yeah. I just got a call from the mayor's office. Apparently, you have a fan.

Beckett

A fan, sir?

Montgomery

Rick Castle. Seems he's found the main character for his next set of novels: a tough but savvy female detective.

Beckett

... I'm flattered?

Montgomery

Don't be. He says he has to do research.

Beckett

Oh no.

Montgomery

Oh yes.

Beckett

No way.

Montgomery

Beckett, listen.

Beckett

Sir, he is like a nine-year-old on a sugar rush, totally incapable of taking anything seriously.

Montgomery

But he did help solve this case. And when the mayor's happy, the commissioner's happy. And when the commissioner's happy, I'm happy.

Beckett

How long, sir?

Montgomery

[motioning to his door] It's up to him.

Ryan

Why do you writers always call them "perps?"

Castle

Isn't that what you call them?

Ryan

Ah, we've got a whole lot of names for them. Pipehead, pisshead, orc, creep...

Esposito

...crook, knucklehead, chucklehead...

Ryan

...chud, turd...

Esposito

...destro, scall...

Ryan

...skexy, slicko, slick...

Esposito

...mope...

Ryan

...sleestak...

Castle

[writing in notepad] Slow down, slow down!

Beckett

Suspects. We call them suspects.

Montgomery

I'm old-school. I like "dirtbag."

Castle

Classic.

Castle

How does she do that?

Montgomery

Better than anyone I know.

I speak for the entire Wellesley family when I say you can expect our full cooperation in this investigation.

Castle

But? You can tell, there's a "but" coming.

Not a "but", a "however". Like I said, we'll cooperate, however, we request these unannounced interviews come to a stop.

Beckett

Here we go.

Montgomery

Beckett, let's hear him out.

I apologize if I'm coming off like one of those guys, Detective. It's just that these impromptu visits are a bit awkward. My nephew Trent said you spoke to him when he visited my mother. Mother became very confused, very upset. I'm sure there's a better way to facilitate this.

Beckett

Like what?

Well, I propose that all further interviews be coordinated by me and conducted at my offices. What do you think?

Montgomery

Thank you for your offer, Mr. Wellesley. It's very nice of you.

[rising up from his seat] Not at all. I'll give you my number-

Montgomery

Hold on. I, too, have a "however". Thank you for your offer, however, my detectives will conduct their investigation in any manner they see fit.

Captain, I can get the commissioner on the phone in under a minute.

Montgomery

Well, tell him I said hi, and I could really use a raise. [Rising up] I think we're done here. [Lets out his hand to shake, but Blake walks away. After he leaves…]

Castle

That was awesome!

Montgomery

Whatever you guys are doing, keep doing it. They're circling the wagons.

Castle

[rising up, and pointing at Montgomery with a grin] Awesome!

Montgomery

[looking in the room] Is that our vic's wife?

Beckett

Fiancée.

Castle

[pointing to the other room] The wife is over there.

Montgomery

Come again?

Beckett

[tilts her head toward one room] Fiancée.

Montgomery

Mmm-hmm.

Beckett

[tilts head toward the other room] Wife.

Montgomery

Hmm. [chuckles] Oh, boy.

Castle

I know, isn't it delicious?

Castle

Well?

Beckett

Alexis? She's fine.

Castle

You know, her first day at preschool, I hid outside in the bushes all day just to make sure she was all right.

Montgomery

First time my son went to summer camp, I followed the bus all the way to the Adirondacks.

Beckett

You two are both either very sweet or very creepy.

Castle

We should get a warrant, run his subscribers against any hate mail that the Vegas might have gotten.

Montgomery

You sure you got no cop in the Castle family tree?

Castle

No, us Castles are mostly con artists and circus folk, sir.

Montgomery

No, I think there's a little cop in there somewhere.

Castle

Maybe it was the Cuban government all along. They hated Vega for defecting, so they sent a beautiful spy for him to fall in love with. It works. He smuggles her back home, and bam, he's dead.

Montgomery

Sounds like a Castle story.

Castle

I'll call it "Corazon de Fuego."

Montgomery

You had to mess with the curse, didn’t you? Trying to be funny. You know what kind of hell I’d catch if Castle got eaten in the line of duty?

Ryan

Don’t tell me you really believe in that stuff, sir.

Montgomery

You know what I believe in, Detective? That there’s no upside in screwing with things that you can’t explain. First year in homicide, right? My partner tackles a suspect through the window of a gypsy smoke shop. Owner’s furious. Threatens all kind of hexes on our houses if we don’t personally go and clean it up. And we tell her, “Yeah, take it up with the city.” Two hours later, my partner drops dead. Heart attack.

Esposito

And you think it was the hexes?

Montgomery

No. The man ate bacon with every meal. But, next morning, I went over there, fixed that window. And you know why?

[look at each other for a moment and then back] Because there’s no upside in screwing with things you can’t explain?

Montgomery

And don’t you ever forget it.

Montgomery

You really think she (Bridget McManus) could overpower Zack (Zack Lindsey)?

Ryan

Uh, no, but her brothers could. In grand Irish tradition, she has four of them, each over 6 foot, each with his own claim to fame... Assaults...

Castle

Oh.

Ryan

Ag. Assault...

Castle

Bad.

Ryan

A.D.W.,

Castle

Ee.

Ryan

Battery...

Castle

Mm.

Ryan

Assault on a city employee, parking enforcement.

Castle

Doesn't count.

Montgomery

Easy.

Ryan

Dude.

Castle

I... just jokes.

Castle

Maybe you missed the part where I said she was shot dead. When I heard the noises coming from the next room, I thought whoever killed her was coming back. So I picked up the gun to defend myself. It seemed like a very good idea at the time. That’s when you, Esposito and Annie Oakley [gestures to the viewing room] come bursting through the door.

Montgomery

Annie Oakley?

Ryan

I kind of almost shot Castle. What? He had a gun.

Montgomery

An FBI profile was as close as we came to ID-ing a suspect. Feds say he's a white male, 25 to 45 years old,

Castle

[To Beckett] Could be me.

Montgomery

Has a dysfunctional relationship with his mother,

Castle

Still me.

Montgomery

He has a menial, unimportant job.

Beckett

[To Castle] Definitely you.

Castle

Just for that, I'm basing my next book on Esposito. [Beckett glares at Castle]

Roy Montgomery

For those of you living in a cave four years ago, the Triple Killer, or 3XK, got his nickname by strangling three women in a week, dropping out of sight for a month, and then killing three more. Then he disappeared. I served on the task force that investigated those six murders. An FBI profile was as close as we came to ID-ing the suspect. Feds say he's a white male, 25 to 45 years old...

[to Beckett, sotto voce] Could be me.

Roy Montgomery

...with a dysfunctional relationship with his mother....

[to Beckett, sotto voce] Still me.

Roy Montgomery

He has a menial, unimportant job.

Kate Beckett

[to Castle, sotto voce] Definitely you.

Just for that, I'm basing my next book on Esposito.

Montgomery

Just so I’m clear, are you taking over?

This is your case. I’m just here to lend support however I can.

Esposito

Yo, Cap. ICE just sent over the immigration papers for Amir Alhabi. He got a degree in electrical engineering from a school in Damascus.

What was he working on in Syria?

Ryan

I got that one. I just spoke with the State Department. They debriefed Amir when he first landed here. They say he was working on a weapons program for the Syrians.

Montgomery

Nuclear weapons?

Ryan

Yeah

Okay. Now I’m taking over