Camp Camp · Season 1
Alrighty, Nurf, it's high time we whipped you into shape!... Uh... sonny! Now I'll be taking that pocket knife.
[David holds out his left hand and motions for Nurf to give the knife to him, but Nurf just stabs David's palm. Smash cut to David hilariously bawling his eyes out in pain as Max watches and Gwen wraps up David's palm.]
You're pathetic.
And getting blood on my boots.
David, what the hell? No one told us about this!
We've literally been telling you about it every day for weeks.
Yeah, but we never listen to you guys. Put up flyers or something.
Oh, Jesus Christ- campers, we are winning this fucking trophy!
How the hell do we do that?
By overcoming our differences and working t-
NO! Shut up! You are not going to work together!
We're not?
No! You're all terrible at it! But! We've got something they don't.
Subpar indoor plumbing?
We've got the most bizarre collection of campers with niche talents and ridiculously specific skillsets Lake Lillac has ever seen! And subpar indoor plumbing.
I just don't get it. I loved summer camp as a kid. What changed?
Nobody gives a shit, David! Nobody wants to be here. God, it's like you live in this stupid make-believe world where everything's great! The universe doesn't work that way, idiot, just look around! It's what I've been trying to show you since day one! Life sucks, and we live in a world of desensitized, apathetic assholes. Why don't you just get with the program, and stop giving a shit?
[Feeling smug, Max goes to leave, but David speaks up]
You're right.
[surprised] What?
Times have changed. Whether I like it or not. The campers don't care. Gwen doesn't care. Even the founder of this place has better things to do. That's why I'll never stop trying. Because somebody fucking has to.
Say, Max- how'd you start a fire with all this wet wood, anyway?
I used gasoline! I'm not an idiot!
[The bonfire blows up]
Woooooo! Do it again! Do it again!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Camp Camp pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
