Buffy the Vampire Slayer · Season 7
I can't even figure out if I've got the right kind of rope.
That depends on what you need it for. Something like functional around the house, or, you know, recreational -- by which I mean, for example, boating or mountain climbing -- not for tying someone up for sexy, funky fun... In conclusion, rope can be useful in various ways.
Well, then, I'd, um, I'd like to take you out to dinner, if that's all right with you. I mean, you don't have to. I'm certainly not saying come to dinner if you enjoy having a job. [chuckles] You know, I may have to make up a document saying I didn't just say that and have you sign it.
Sure. I'd be happy to have dinner with you.
Great. I'll draw up the paperwork.
[about a date with Principal Wood] Or it could be work-related. Maybe I'm getting promoted for doing such a good job.
[laughs heartily, then sees Buffy's look] Right, that makes sense too.
Or maybe he knows I suspect he's up to something, and he's taking me out to kill me.
Well, you'll have to dress for the ambiguity.
You know, it's not even that he's acting that suspicious. It's just - there he is. On the hell mouth. All day, every day. That's got to be like being showered with evil. Only from underneath.
Not really a shower.
A bidet. Like a bidet of evil.
...
I'm gonna wait for that sentence to come around again before I jump on.
Yes, it was in Buffy's underwear drawer. She has nice things.
Show me.
Well, I didn't take 'em, but there were thongs and regular underpants-
Is Xander all right?
Looks okay.
Damn him!
And I wasn't talking about your date anyway. I was talking about this sham date of Xander's. I think it's part of a plan to make me jealous.
[shakes her head] Well, it's not working.
Are you nuts? Of course it's working. Observe my-my bitter ranting. Hear the shrill edge of hysteria in my voice.
Um, I should really go find something else to wear. [walks out of the room]
Fine, go. Leave me here to stew in my impotent rage. [Buffy stops, turns to look at Anya] I'm also gonna pee, so you should probably go.
I should move out. Leave town before it is time for me.
No, you have to stay.
You've got another demon fighter now.
That's not why I need you here.
Is that right? Why's that, then?
Because I'm not ready for you not to be here.
What happened?
What do you think happened? Another demon woman was attracted to me.
[Anya rolls her eyes]
I've decided I'm turning gay. Willow, gay me up. Come on, let's gay.
What?
You heard me. Just tell me what to do. I'm mentally undressing Scott Bakula right now. That's a start, isn't it?
[wistfully] Captain Archer... [nods]
Come on, let's get this gay show on the gay road. Help me out here.
Would you let it go? You're like a dog with a bone.
So what?
It's my bone! Just drop it.
Andrew is our... actually, he's our hostage.
I like to think of myself more as a "guest-age".
Oh. Hey. Hi. Well, Buffy, I see our preparations for the... school... pep-dance-cheer-drill-contest are really coming along. "Bring it on!"
Will, it's okay, he knows.
Oh, thank God. If I had to explain all these weapons? I had nothing.
Buffy tells me you have been, umm... oh, how shall I put it?... experimenting... [long embarrassed pause] ...with the magics.
Oh! Yeah. Oh, nothing too heavy, though. Just the lighter, safer stuff. Uh, if Kennedy asks, her pointy stuff's right there. See you inside. [to Buffy] So much cooler than Snyder!
[when Willow left] She really almost destroyed the world?
Yep.
Oh I don't know. It's just... The First is coming... and look at us, the army! We've got a bunch of fighters with nothing to hit, a wicca who won't-a, and the brains of our operation wears oven mitts.
Well, yeah, but only because you kinda told us to. You're our leader, Buffy, as in "follow the".
Well, from now on, I'm your leader as in "do what I say".
Jawohl. But let's not try to forget, we're also your friends.
I'm not.
Then why are you here? Aside from getting rescued, what is that you do?
I provide much needed... sarcasm.
Um... that'd kinda be my job actually.
How you doing?
Thanks for bringing me back... again.
Oh, it's what I do.
I was hard on you guys today.
Oh, it's all right. You needed to be. Although, Twinkies and Kisses-- also peachy motivational tools. You okay?
I think I made a mistake.
What?
Those men that I met, you know, the shadowmen, they offered me more power, but I didn't like the loophole.
So you turned it down? It's okay, Buffy. We'll get by. We always do.
I don't know. They showed me--
Showed you what?
That the first Slayer was right. It isn't enough.
Why, Buffy? What did you see? What did they show you?
[The scene opens with a Masterpiece Theatre-like setting, with Andrew reading a book.]
Oh, hello there, gentle viewers.
[He closes the book.]
You caught me catching up on an old favorite. It's wonderful to get lost in a story, isn't it? Adventure and heroics and discovery -- don't they just take you away? Come with me now, if you will, gentle viewers. Join me on a new voyage of the mind. A little tale I like to call... Buffy, Slayer of the Vampyrs.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Buffy the Vampire Slayer pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
