Buffy the Vampire Slayer · Season 7
So, do you have plans later or are you just going to go down to the docks, wait for the fleet to come in?
[shocked] What?
[furious] Where do I start with the bad? First, you told me you were going to the library. Second, you do not go out on a date without informing me first. Third... Anna Nicole Smith thinks you look tacky!
[Xander finds Buffy straddling R.J. in the counseling office.]
Hey guy, it's called knocking.
I'm sorry, it's just checkout time was an hour ago. We were hoping to make up the bed. And also, it's a classroom, you chowderhead! [to Buffy] Now get off the boy, Buffy, we're going home.
Damn love spell! I have tried every anti-love spell spell I can find.
Even if you found the right one, guy would probably just do an anti-anti-love-spell spell... spell.
What?
[The women are threatening one another with what they're each going to do to win R.J.'s love]
Willow, you're a gay woman! [Willow makes a face conveying "And?"] And he... isn't?!
This isn't about his physical presence! It's about his heart.
His physical presence has a penis!
I can work around it!
[The Scoobies are burning R.J.'s enchanted jacket in Buffy's fireplace.]
Xander, be honest. You didn't, you know, think about slipping that jacket on a little bit?
I refuse to answer that on the grounds that it didn't fit.
Hey, Anya, you never told us what you can't believe you almost.
Almost who now?
No, you can't be the only not embarrassed one. What did you do?
[nervously] I, uh, wrote a poem. An epic poem...comparing him to a daisy and a tower and a lake.
And now the latest on Sunnydale's late-night bandit who is still at large. A masked thief held up a number of large businesses— [Anya quickly switches off the radio]
Okay great! Ice cream. My treat.
Wish I'd have stayed in Mexico.
Ah, I didn't like it there. Everyone spoke Mexicoan.
You could've learned it. You learned the entire Klingon dictionary in two and a half weeks.
That had much clearer transitive and intransitive rules, okay? Besides, I can't keep having those nightmares.
Me neither. Desde abajo te devora.
"It eats you, starting with your bottom."
Gonna make it right.
We're outlaws with hearts of gold.
Whoa. Did my face just change?
Yeah. You look human now. You can do that. Go back and forth.
Oh, so I'm a vampire. [laughs] How weird is that?
Sorry.
No, no. Feels great. Strong. Like I'm connected to a powerful all consuming evil that's gonna suck the world into a fiery oblivion. How about you?
Not so much connected.
No, no. I mean, with the stake? And the cross? You do this kind of thing a lot?
I'm The Slayer. It's sort of a thing.
So, what? You like fight vampires professionally?
Oh, I don't get paid. It's more like a Calling. Since... even in school.
I heard a lot of rumors about you back then. You were all mysterious.
I was?
Well, you were never around. A lot of kids thought you were dating some really old guy, or that you were just heavy religious. Scott Hope said you were gay.
What? I dated that ringworm!
He says that about every girl he breaks up with. Then, last year, big surprise... he comes out.
Oh, I have so much to learn. Come on, isn't this insane? I mean, I was afraid to talk to you in high school, and now we're, like, mortal enemies. Hey, wouldn't it be cool if we became nemeses?
Is that how you say the word?
We're gonna have to fight to the death, aren't we?
It's the time-honored custom.
Wow, reality just shows up sometimes, doesn't it? But, you know, I've got the bloodlust pumping, and I kinda get it. I'm looking for a fight. And, oh, it's nothing personal.
Oh, no, I mean, you've been great.
...
Hey, I don't mean to be Count Buttinsky here, but you just don't seem as thrilled. Is it because we're gonna fight?
It's because I'm gonna win.
Hello! Two years of Tae Kwon Do and vampire strength. I think somebody's counting their chickens.
You're not leaving this graveyard. Can't let you.
...
If you knew what I've done, what I've let myself become. My best friends don't even know. You'd laugh if you heard some of the things I've done to them.
Buffy, I'm here to kill you, not to judge you.
Oh my God!
Oh, your God what?
Oh, well, not my God. Because I defy him and all of his works. Does he exist? Is there word on that by the way?
Nothing solid.
[after trying to trick Willow into believing Tara wants her to kill herself] I can see it now. Candlelight, the Indigo Girls playing, picture of your dead girlfriend on your bloody lap... [mocking] Oh, baby, you left such a big hole. It hurt so bad! [serious] You don't know hurt. This last year's gonna seem like cake after what I put you and your friends through, and I am not a fan of easy death. Fact is, the whole good versus evil, balancing the scales thing? I'm over it. I'm done with the mortal coil. But believe me, I'm going for a big finish.
"From beneath you, it devours."
Oh, not "it"... ME.
Things are coming, Dawn. Listen, things are on their way. I love you, and I love Buffy, but she won't be there for you.
What? Why are you--
When it's bad, Buffy won't choose you. She'll be against you.
No! No, don't go! Please don't go! No. Oh.
Why would a vampire lie about who sired him? What's that? Some kind of status symbol for the undead? My sire can beat up your sire.
You know you were a lot more fun when you didn't have a soul.
Oh, come on now, I've just explained to you...
All I'm saying is soulless Spike would have had me upside down and half-way to happyland by now.
Is that all I was to you, a one-bite stand?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Buffy the Vampire Slayer pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
