Buffy the Vampire Slayer quotes

Xander

Why did we ever agree to have your friends, who are demons, and my family, who are monsters, stay at our place?

Well, I can only do so much, Xander. Planning this marriage is like staging the invasion of Normandy.

Xander

Without the laughs.

Willow

Just so you know, I'm prepared to hate this woman any way you want.

Buffy

Thanks, but no. I don't wanna seem all petty.

Willow

Well, that's the beauty. You can't, but I can. Please. Let me carry the hate for the both of us.

Buffy

Go nuts.

Buffy

Tell me you love me.

Spike

I love you... you know I do.

Buffy

Tell me you want me.

Spike

[huskily] I always want you.

Riley

You want me to say I like seeing you in bed with that idiot? Or that blinding orange is your very best color? Or that that burger smell is appealing?

Buffy

You smelled the smell?

Riley

Buffy, none of that means anything, it doesn't touch you. You're still the first woman I ever loved and the strongest woman I've ever known. And, I'm not advertising this to the missus, but you're still quite the hottie.

Buffy

You know, it goes away after many bathings.

[practicing her wedding vows] I, Anya, promise to... love you, to cherish you, to honor you, but not to obey you, of course, because that's anachronistic and misogynistic and who do you think you are, like a sea captain or something?

Oh. Hymen's greetings.

Dawn

Hi–what?

Hymen. The god of matrimony. His salutations upon you. May the love we celebrate today avoid an almost inevitable decline.

Dawn

Cool.

Spike

It's nice to watch you be happy, for them, even, I don't see it a lot, you, uh... you glow.

Buffy

That's because the dress is radioactive.

I, Anya, promise to cherish you. Yeah, no, not cherish. Um, I promise to have sex with you whenever I want, and uh, uh, pledge to be your friend, your wife, and your confidante, and your sex poodle-

Tara

Uh, "sex poodle"?

I, Anya, want to marry you, Xander, because... I love you, and I'll always love you. And, before I knew you, I was like a completely different person. N-not even a person, really. And I'd seen what love could do to people, and it was... hurt, and sadness. A-alone was better. And then, suddenly, there was you! And-and you knew me. You saw me. And it was this... thing. You make me feel safe and warm, so, I... get it now. I finally get love, Xander! I really do.

Buffy

Then I was like... No, it wasn't like, I was in an institution. There were, um, doctors, and nurses and other patients, they told me that I was sick... I guess crazy. And that, um, Sunnydale and all of this, none of it was real.

Xander

Oh, come on, that's ridiculous! What, you think this isn't real just because of all the vampires, and demons, and ex-vengeance demons, and the sister that used to be a big ball of universe-destroying energy?

Buffy

[sobbing] Dawn...

Joyce

Dawn?

The sister. She was introduced last year. It didn't make a lot of sense though, did it Buffy? She altered the fabric of her reality drastically. (meta-commenting on how the abrupt introduction of Dawn altered the entire series)

Spike

Oh, balls! You didn't say he was a Glarghk Guhl Kashmas'nik!

Xander

'Cause I can't say Glarba...

In her mind, she's the central figure in a fantastic world beyond imagination. She's surrounded herself with friends, most with their own superpowers. Together they face grand, overblown conflicts against an assortment of monsters, both imaginary and rooted in actual myth.

Buffy

'Cause what's more real? A sick girl in an institution, or some kind of supergirl, chosen to fight demons and save the world? That's ridiculous. A girl who sleeps with the vampire she hates?!? Yeah, that makes sense.

I wish you had tentacles where your beady eyes should be! I wish your intestines were tied in knots and ripped apart inside your lousy gut!

Xander

They are.

Really? [brightening] Right now? Does it hurt?

Xander

God, yes. It hurts so bad it's killing me. Anya, I love you. I want to make this work.

Those are... metaphor intestines! You're not in any real pain!