Ivan quotes from Boston Legal

Ivan

So basically if I screw around she gets my life.

Shirley

Not your whole life, just the parts you love.

Ivan

I brought wine, cheese, and condoms. I thought we'd picnic.

Shirley

Missy came to my office today.

Ivan

Aw. So just the wine and cheese.

Shirley

Your Honor, Mr. Tiggs has a history of ruining women's lives. There's one out there right now. It's going to take her years to get over this.

Ivan

No, she'll get over me, she's like a goldfish. She has a three second memory.

Ivan

Shirley, Paul. I believe you've met my attorney. Alan Shore.

Alan

How do you do?

Shirley

What's going on?

Ivan

I've told Alan my story and he agreed to help me.

Shirley

That's ridicules.

Alan

[raising his hand] I'm a fan of ridicules.

Ivan

[about his wife, Missy] God, I hate her.

Shirley

Oh boy.

Ivan

I tried this time. I want to love her. No, I do love her. She's just too much. Too much singing, too much sex. I'm not a young man anymore. And, well, there's the fact that she's stupid.