Wendell Bray quotes from Bones

Wendell

Watch this. I'm about to Brennanize you.

Hodgins

Brennanize?

Wendell

Transverse fracture to the metacarpal and the right thumb, chondromalacia patellae of the left knee, a notch in the notch of the left ulna --

Hodgins

A notch in the notch?

Wendell

That's correct. With exostosis of the medial surface.

Hodgins

So what is that? Some kind of repetitive stress stuff?

Wendell

Yep, like this. [moves right arm upward repetitively]

Hodgins

Wow.

Wendell

Yeah, I'm thinking some kind of ritualized offering to like the sun, you know?

Hodgins

Yeah, yeah. Like a figure kind of on a high throne, right? Like a Satanic or an Illuminati slave!

Angela

Boys. You're bowling.

Hodgins

What? Okay! You're ready! The hot sauce worked!

Angela

Uh, no, not yet. Just relax.

Wendell

Bowling!

Angela

Bowling, yes.

Hodgins

Well, that would correspond with the high level of polyester in his garment.

Angela

And the fact that he was found in a bowling alley.

Angela

Is it true that you were crying at the crime scene?

Brennan

Only as a result of increased hormonal output, not at sadness at the victim's death.

Wendell

Probably chorionic gonadotropin.

Brennan

Exactly.

Wendell

Still, I mean, you crying. I would have loved to see that.

Brennan

Why?

Angela

It's sort of like an eclipse. It doesn't happen that often.

Brennan

Booth took a picture of me, but since I have a picture of him cooking an omelet naked he agreed never to show it to anyone.

Wendell

Smart move.

Angela

I'm sorry. Naked? Wow. Okay, listen, I am your best friend, so I think I should take a peek at that.

Hodgins

So, I was sifting through the soil at the bottom of the grave and I found fibers coated in linseed oil.

Wendell

You said her clothes had absorbed the oil.

Hodgins

Her clothes are made of polyethylene terephthalate.

Wendell

Can't you just say polyester?

Hodgins

I did.

Brennan

What are these x-rays?

Wendell

The paint had hardened, so I x-rayed each glob to see if there was anything inside.

Hodgins

We didn't want to break it open in case it would destroy evidence.

Brennan

What about 6F3?

Hodgins

It looks like tree sap or resin.

Brennan

Enlarge the image, please.

Wendell

That's not sap.

It looks like chewing gum.

Hodgins

Okay, even if it is, the dye and the polyethylene, the paint would have destroyed the DNA.

Brennan

We don't need DNA, do we Mr. Bray?

Wendell

Of course not. I should have seen that. I'm sorry.

Excuse me, the boss here needs an explanation.

Brennan

Look at the image. There is a clear impression of the tooth in the gum. That's as clear as a fingerprint.

Hodgins

If I freeze the paintball I should be able to extract the gum without compromising the shape.

Brennan

I'll tell Booth.

Wendell

She's having that baby so the next generation will have someone to make them feel dumb.

Hodgins

Seriously.

Fisher

9/11 was a trauma to us all - not like this guy or the people who died that day. But it still changed us, right? A-and we act like it doesn't matter. Clearly Wendell is freaking out and you ... [motions to Arastoo] you went nuts earlier. The first rule of the looney bin is to get it all out in the open. So, that's what we're going to do, alright? I'll go: I was in High School. It was my Senior Year. I was [chuckles] breaking into my history teacher's desk to steal a test I hadn't studied for and he walked in. He was crying. He couldn't care less what I was doing. That's when I found out. So I ... I talked with him. I had a stolen test in my hand, and we both sat...and we cried. Next? Oh, c'mon!

Clark

I was working. It was, uh, before school - coffee shop. Everyone was just staring at the TV. No one said a word. The cook came out to watch with the rest of us. I still remember the smell of food burning on that grill.

Finn

I was nine. I got in the way of my stepfather hitting my mama... he stuck me with some scissors. My mama wanted to take me to the hospital, but my hurt didn't seem like nothin' when we heard what had happened.

Arastoo

I was at morning prayers. I didn't believe that day. I didn't believe in anything.

Fisher

Wendell?

Wendell

I was, uh, with my aunt ... from that morning until the next few days. My uncle was a firefighter in New York. He never came home.

Wendell

You're the king of the lab. Or at least you used to be. Apparently, now, you're just another clueless tech.

Hodgins

[folds his arms, amused] Ok, all right, I see what you're doing there and I'm far too evolved for you to try for it to work.

[walks in and is surprised to see Brennan in her dance dress] This....is..a good look. You going to the hootenanny later?

Brennan

Hootenanny is an informal gathering for singing and dancing. I am training for an extremely rigorous ballroom dance competition.

Ohhh...

Brennan

Booth and I intend to win the rumba competition.

And catch a murderer?

Brennan

Yes. Of course, that's the main objective. [dances on her way out]

Wendell

[in shock] Wow.

[turns to Wendell] Just..um, go with it.

Angela

We should be paying for this.

Wendell

No, no, you guys are broke now. It's on me.

Hodgins

Posing naked for a hot art student. That is still a big regret of mine.

Wendell

Done it. Not a student though.

Hodgins

Really??

Wendell

[awkwardly] I don't want to talk about this anymore.

Brennan

Based on your robust frame, muscular build, and symmetrical features, you could make a good income as an exotic dancer.

Wendell

Well, then I wasted a bunch of money on grad school.

Wendell

[in shock] Oh my god, it's moving!

Hodgins

[chuckles] Yeah, it means that the larval development is almost complete. When the time comes, it'll detach its anal hooks and slide out to greet the world.

Wendell

Dude, you have totally lost the plot. Angela is going to divorce you.

Hodgins

[grins] Nah, I know my Angie. When she sees this little botfly––

Wendell

[in disbelief] Listen to yourself!!

Hodgins

Ah, Wendell, um...truthfully, Angie is a little unsupportive of me being a botfly surrogate...

Wendell

[mockingly] What a shock.

Hodgins

I was wondering if you wouldn't mind being with me when the little guy comes out?

Wendell

You want me to be your midwife???

Hodgins

I was thinking, more like birthing partner.

Wendell

[speechless] I'm... going insane.

Brennan

Have either of you read Tess Brown's books?

No, I've heard she's terrible.

Wendell

Bitch.

Wendell

That might be a little harsh, but why read her when I can read you?

Brennan

Very true.

Angela

[notices Wendell's cast] Wendell, what happened to you?

Wendell

Oh, um, hockey game. I got checked.

Angela

What is it with men that they're willing to die for a ball?

Wendell

It's a puck.

Angela

Yeah, I mean, it's still round.

I don't think we need bones to let us know that the victim was a male.

Brennan

We have no other way, Dr. Saroyan. [points to her bucket of evidence and fishes out some remains with tongs]

Hodgins

I think we do.

Angela

[disgusted] That mangled piece of meat is his...

Yeah.

Wendell

Breaking my arm seems like nothing now.

Wendell Bray

[points to a pile of evidence] ...and two trays of stuff yet to be identified.

Hodgins

Particulates. Don't say stuff. It's sacrilege.