One lesson with Sweets doesn't turn you into the master interrogator.
[to Sweets] Is master interrogator a real thing?
SweetsTechnically, no.
You gotta know exactly what you want to find out when you go in there.
Really, if you can do it, I can.
Seriously. You think you can do anything I can do. [looks at Sweets, who says nothing]
[confidently] Not the big, strong, sheerly physical things but otherwise, yes!
Fine. Be my guest. Be the big ch.eese. Fill the shoes.
Sweets
Take an earpiece in case you, you know, need help.
Ok, but don't distract me unnecessarily.
[Booth and Sweets watch with dread as Brennan walks out]
This is all your fault you know that right?
Sweets
What? You're the one who said yes.
You said I have a creepy mode.
I apologize, okay? I wasn't in my element.
Every element is your element.
That's not true. We've just got to stop hanging out with geniuses, because you're going to figure out that I'm really stupid.
What? Don't worry about that. I figured out a long time ago how stupid you are.
What I just said is true and yet it really sounded wrong. What I should say is I don't care how stupid you are... That's not any better?
No. No. Not at all. That's not even relevant.
There is intelligence, which I have, and Mr. Nigel-Murray.
And Sweets, even though his is so misdirected as to be meaningless.
Sweets
Wow, backhand full of knuckles with that compliment.
And Hodgins, and Angela not so much, but she's very talented.
You're welcome. But then there's another quality, which is the ability to use intelligence. That is what you have.
May I say, Dr. Sweets, that this is probably the best work I have ever read on the dynamics of opposite personality types working towards a common cause.
Sweets
Okay, now I'm hearing a caveat.
Just a small one. It's just that Brennan and Booth aren't in any way opposites.
Sweets
Wow. Small? What is that, British understatement?
Yes, he's a man. She's a woman. He's instinctual. She's empirical.
Sweets
Opposites.
Superficial ephemera, Dr. Sweets.
Sweets
Wow. Okay, what about the sexual component in their relationship? Would you agree that they have both sublimated their attraction to each other out of fear of endangering their working relationship, because their working relationship is paramount to both of them?
Alas, I'm afraid I wouldn't agree with that. No.
Sweets
Wow. Which part?
Well everything you just said. Yes, one of them is acutely aware of their attraction. Struggles with it daily, as a matter of fact.
Sweets
Wow. I'm sorry I keep saying that. Which one?
It's your book, Dr. Sweets. I would never tell you what to write.
They keep track of sexual conquests by putting stars on the wall?
Sweets
It's emotionally stunted.
Guys, it's a college fraternity.
They seem like really terrible people.
They're college kids, okay? It's their job description to be bad. It's what they do.
Sweets
Yeah, but still. It's a community of young men mutually supporting bad decisions.
Look, these kids, they go out into the world. They're alone, they have no supervision, they have to be bad. It's just in order to figure out what it is. It's a scientific fact that their frontal lobes are the size of raisins.
No, that is not a scientific fact.
What they've got to do is build their frontal lobes with exercise, and that comes from doing the wrong thing.
Sweets
Okay, so you're theory is that they've got to be bad to be good.
Exactly. It's the facts of life, my friend. Okay, so whats transmissions did you get from the brothers?
Booth, he is not a radio.
Well, he kind of is. That's why I brought him along, Bones.
Sweets
What I did observe, using my eyes and my training, is that these two frat brothers weren't actually upset about Beaver's death.
Sweets
Well, real grief comes and goes in waves. These guys had their face set in sadness the whole time. They were lying.
I believe you're just guessing.
Sweets
Okay, fine. I'm just a magic eight ball. [walks away]
I think you hurt his feelings.
[incredulous] Did you believe him?
Sweets
It's quite simple. Whatever Agent Booth says, you respond with whatever word or phrase pops into your head, and vice versa.
[...]
Sweets
The point of the exercise is not to explain, but to respond. Okay? Children can do this.
Sweets
Can we just try it, please?
[...]
What, do you think I'm a baby?
Sperm, isn't this kind of weird?
Sweets
No, keep going.
Sweets
But right now I'm more interested in whether you decided to inseminate Doctor Brennan.
God, you know, don't say it like that.
Sweets
I'm sorry. I'm interested in whether you decided to provide your semen for her fertilization.
Saying it like that is worse.
Sweets
Okay, well I could go with baby daddy.
Sweets
Well, that's consistent with the person you were before your brain surgery.
I don't own a nightclub, I'm not married to Bones, you are not a singing bartender and I hate clowns. So, can I go back to work now?
Sweets
When our sense of reality is challenged - you know - really challenged, it can take some time to regain our footing.
Look, it's been six weeks since I put my brain box through the blender, there. I am back, baby, huh! Special Agent Seeley Joseph Booth!
Sweets
Do you know what you're looking at?
Yeah, and I'm pretty sure you haven't been this close to one in a long time.
Sweets
It's a PET scan of your brain.
Sweets
This is called the ventral tegmental area, and this is the dorsal caudate body. Now these two areas have been proven to be linked to romantic love and sexual arousal.
If this is your version of dirty pictures, they're not working for me right now. [Closes the laptop computer.]
Sweets
No. [Reopens computer] This scan was taken before your operation. The green and blue areas indicate low activity. The same scan while you were in the coma: lit up like the fourth of July. You were dreaming of being in love, of being married, right? [changes image] The same scan, three days ago. Before your operation you were not in love. After your operation you were. Conclusion: your feelings are not real and will fade away, like every other symptom. Now, I think you and I both know that Dr. Brennan's hyper-rationale is really just a cover for a very vulnerable and sensitive core.
Well, great. So we're talking about Bones' brain, too, here now.
Sweets
So, if you breach those defenses and it turns out you don't really love her -- [puts PET scans on table] -- I left you hard copies.
Sweets
Do you want my advice?
Sweets
Okay, if you really want to help Booth, you should let him teach you about plumbing.
I'm a wealthy, accomplished woman. Why would I want to learn a menial skill?
Sweets
Well, for Booth, so he can regain whatever he feels he's lost. I think, for once, it would be beneficial if you were the student.
Sweets
Perhaps he's a double agent. I mean, Rutledge certainly fits the profile. They're usually intelligent male officers, who had poor father figures resulting in repressed anger and revenge fantasies.
HPHarold Prescott
Double agent?
Sweets
By betraying his country Rutledge is essentially choosing a new father. One who might treat him better than the last.
Yes, but that would also fit Booth and he's not a double agent. Are you?
Sweets
All elephants are gray, Agent Booth, but not all gray things are elephants.
[whispers] That's good for me, right?
Sweets
[watches Cam walk into his office without knocking] No, no, no. You can't just walk in here!
Arastoo Vasiri, our Muslim intern, he's been faking his accent. At first I go where everyone else goes, you know? [singsong voice] Terrorist!
Sweets
Wouldn't a terrorist fake not having an accent?
Is it crazy or just weird? Weird I can deal with, but crazy? [shakes head and begins to leave the office]
Sweets
Wait. What do you want me to do?
Bones · 1,470 quotes
