Jack Hodgins quotes from Bones

So what was it like to meet Hannah?

Brennan

Oh, she seems very pleasant and attractive. Her face fits comfortably within the Golden Ratio.

Hodgins

So you guys did math together?

Brennan

No, the Golden Ratio is a formula that determines beauty; 1 to 1.618. For instance, the width of the mouth to the width of the cheeks --

Angela

So she's hot?

Clark

I see some particulates here, Dr. Hodgins, you know, if we still care about finding what happened to these poor people.

I just assumed that when you guys got back from your trip you'd be a real couple.

Brennan

We were never a couple.

Clark

Dr. Saroyan, you assured me that you would try to keep this workplace professional.

And I will, Dr. Edison.

Angela

No, no. You were a couple, you just weren't having sex. Were you jealous?

Brennan

Of course not. I'm happy for Booth. Why would I be jealous?

Clark

Because it's obvious you and Agent Booth were attracted to each other! I mean, a blind man could see that. I just couldn't understand why you two didn't rip each other's clothes off. I mean, just get all butt naked and -- [stops in horror when he realizes what he's saying]

Hodgins

All right!

I was told these were for you.

Hodgins

Yes, these are the tires from Lupe Rojas' car. She denies going to the park, but Booth doesn't believe her.

And if she's lying the tread should contain insect and plant matter that could place her there.

Hodgins

Exactly. You know, you could be my lovely assistant!

Yes, but since I'm your boss, you're my lovely assistant.

Hannah

This is fascinating.

Hodgins

Who's that?

Hannah.

Hodgins

[runs to his speaker] Hey, uh, hi! It's nice to meet you. I'm, uh, Hodgins, Dr. Hodgins. I am a big fan. I just read the piece where you stuck it to CENTCOM in 2009.

Hannah

[smiles] Thanks.

Hodgins

Hey, maybe while you're here, you can find out why every time there's a big story [Booth looks embarrassed] and I mean like an earthquake or government corruption, there's always some celebrity story that takes focus.

Booth

[getting annoyed] Hodgins!

Hodgins

[continues on] The BP oil spill, Lindsay Lohan goes to jail and the country takes their eye off the ball.

Booth

Hod-gins!

Hannah

Media is used to distract us all the time.

Booth

[discreetly to Hannah] You're taking him seriously???

Hannah

Michael Jackson's funeral is on 24-hours a day and nobody finds out about the coup in Honduras. Smells fishy to me.

Hodgins

I love this woman.

Brennan

Dr. Hodgins, would you come over here and be a corpse?

Hodgins

Yeah.

Angela

[to Brennan] Sweetie, y-you do mean pretend to be a corpse, right? 'Cause the way you're holding that knife, you're looking a little slashery.

[found something amongst the slave remains] Over here! Now! Uh..not kidding even a little bit, Dr Hodgins!

Hodgins

Yeah? What you got?

That! [pointing to the skull covered with pink lifeforms] What the hell is it?

Hodgins

Wow...some kind of organism anchored to the bone. [examining the skull] Interesting!

Alien sea-life hitchhikes in on a slave ship, and that's all you can say? Interesting?

Brennan

But I think in this context, interesting is a way of acknowledging lifeforms beyond Dr Hodgins' expertise.

Hodgins

Temporary condition, I assure you. [announcing to the people on the forensic platform] Hey, listen up! Hold any other bones with pink slime and bring it over here. [reexamining the skull with a magnifying glass] It's possible that alien is an inappropriate adjective. I think we maybe looking a N.T.I here.

What's he talking about?

Brennan

I have no idea.

Hannah

I-I can't imagine going from being a woman to being a mom.

Booth

When Parker was born, everything changed in my life, everything.

Hodgins

Like what?

Angela

Everything. Everything means everything.

Clark

I would be very happy to discuss this whole mess with Dr. Brennan, Agent Booth and this new woman. What the hell is that about?! I mean, come on. The potential emotional fallout, it could be cataclysmic! Am I right?

Hodgins

Okay, we should really focus on these bone fragments so that you can determine the weapon. Okay?

Clark

Oh, sure! But my money's on Dr. B and Booth!

Clark

Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to spy on you two, I just -- wow, that is so amazing. You guys! [hugs them]

Angela

Thanks. Wow, that's really sweet.

Hodgins

Yeah, and weird. What is going on? It's like you've eaten the real Clark.

Clark

Change is growth, man. I just wanted to come by and tell you guys that you did a great job on the case.

Angela

Thank you.

Clark

[waves to Angela's belly] Bye!

Angela

Goodnight, Clark.

Hodgins

That's totally weird, right? And he was in the NSA, so he could be completely messing with us!

Angela

Or he's just turning into a normal guy. Don't get all paranoid on us! [laughs]

Hodgins

Mother Nature cleaned these bones.

Wendell

She did a crappy job.

Hodgins

Shh... She can hear you.

Hodgins

Who let Cam shoot a gun?

Wendell

The Second Amendment.

Angela

[referring to severely molded flesh] Ew and ew. What are you doing, babe?

Hodgins

I am going to shake them through these filters until they give me what I want.

Angela

You're getting that mad scientist look in your eyes.

Hodgins

I always wanted to be a mad scientist! I'm living the dream, baby! [kisses her cheek] Baby! [kisses her belly]

Angela

So what do you want our kid to be, anyway? I mean, if we could decide and make it happen without being those annoying parents that we hate.

Hodgins

Anything I want?

Angela

Anything.

Hodgins

A musician. Hard rock and 50s West Coast jazz. Who is also an astrophysicist specializing in extra terrestrial studies. Who also has a secondary degree, not necessarily a doctorate, in 20th century political theory and its relationship to corporatism. Ooh, who also does killer stand-up on the weekends. What about you? What do you want our baby to be?

Angela

[smiles] A mad scientist sounds good to me.

Hodgins

Ok, look, I know you and Hannah broke up, but for most people Valentine's Day––

Booth

[cuts Hodgins off] You don't wanna finish that sentence.

Hodgins

No. No I don't.

People, there is death in this world and there is romance. Today, death is the loser and romance wins.

Hodgins

What about justice? [Angela smacks him on the back of the head and he reluctantly claps.]

Hodgins

These are the bills found with the victim's body.

Booth

All hundreds, right?

Hodgins

Yes, but guess what I found on them?

Booth

Blood, on account that he was shot to death with a high-powered rifle?

Hodgins

Yes, blood, of course blood. But guess what else I found.

Booth

Does this look like a guessing face?

Hodgins

So the name that came to you?

It could work for either a boy or a girl, that's the beauty part.

Hodgins

Great.

Staccato Mamba.

Hodgins

Staccato Mamba? Yeah, I-I didn't see that one coming