Jack Hodgins quotes from Bones

Fisher

There's a lip here. I'm thinking a smooth, rounded edge.

Hodgins

Okay, Sweets said he had an appointment he can't miss, so --

Fisher

Follow me on this. The mailman is delivering his package to the "lady of the house", if you catch my drift. The husband comes home, finds the nearest blunt instrument, which is a cast iron frying pan. And WHAM! The postman who rang twice never rang again.

Hodgins

Yeah, yeah, that totally works. If the husband is a peacock wrangler who fights crickets after work in a creeping red Fescue field.

Fisher

Peacock?

Hodgins

Yeah, what I thought was silk turns out to be the thread from the after feather of a peacock.

Fisher

You and your particulates always ruining the day for me.

Angela

What's with the blue people?

The Na'vi.

Angela

I beg your pardon?

Fisher

Denizens of a lush planet called Pandora.

Angela

[walks in front of the monitor] You boys are not allowed to watch movies on my monitor.

Hodgins

Angela, this is so much more than a movie.

Sweets

Yeah, I mean we're sorry but the screen is so big!

Fisher

You got porn on this thing?

Angela

[unimpressed] Get out. Out!

Hodgins

Where's your chest hair?

Booth

I'm highly evolved.

Brennan

His pubic extension is entirely within normal––

Booth

[cuts Brennan off] Enough!

Sweets

Dr. Hodgins, I'm kind of in the middle of --

Hodgins

You were right, Sweets. Everything is not fine. It's not fine at all!

Sweets

This is a good time.

Hodgins

I don't know if I want to crawl into a hole and die or run over Wendell and Angela with a truck.

Sweets

You know, it's natural to have these feelings.

Hodgins

I'm a better man than this! I want to be happy for them, I really do.

Sweets

It's easier for us to accept loneliness as long as the person we were once with is also alone.

Hodgins

Then when she finds happiness with someone else, oh man, it's like being stabbed in the heart.

[corners Booth] What've you got, feeb?

Booth

[handcuffing the agent] Good old American classic on that one, pal.

Angela

[laughs and applauds] Oh my god!

Hodgins

Man, you Butch Cassidy'd them!

Sweets

[cheers] That was totally ninja! Maybe some anger issues there but you kicked ass!

[via megaphone] Stand down and drop your weapons! This facility is officially under the jurisdiction of the Federal Bureau of Investigation. [Booth looks at him incredulously] Aw man. Ten seconds earlier and I would've been the hero right?

Hodgins

The spider eggs were on the body before it was encased in the clay. The heat in the lab caused the eggs to hatch and when you shone your flashlight they headed for the light.

Based on mandibular indentation, the victim is late-twenties, early-thirties.

Dr. Hodgins, I can still see one in his mouth.

Hodgins

These badboys are frontinella communis. They're non-poisonous.

Yeah, but still with those gross spider faces and legs, though.

Hodgins

Are you okay there, Dr. Saroyan?

I'm just itchy all over. I'm gonna go burn all of these clothes and maybe my hair.

Hodgins

Do you know what Vincent Nigel-Murray is? He's a genius.

Brennan

Yes, but so are we all. Except for Angela.

Angela

Oh, right, and yet who do you turn to when you need pretty pictures?

Hodgins

Are you asking me to do an experiment?

With Arastoo.

Hodgins

Why are you saying his name like that?

Like what?

Hodgins

Arastooooo. You're chewing on his name.

Arastoo said that he looks at the devil every day.

Hodgins

Maybe he has low self-esteem.

Or -- you know what they call us, right?

Hodgins

They, being?

Muslims. Some Muslims. The ones over there trying to kill us.

Hodgins

Yeah, they call us the great Satan. Oh.

Arastoo

[walks in] Look here, what I found. Radiating microfractures in the cartilage of the victim's vestigial tail.

Radiating microfractures plus a ruptured intestine?

Hodgins

What does that mean?

He was slammed into something.

Arastoo

Perhaps, in fact, he did wrestle with an archangel and lose. As it should be. The devil lost, as he always must.

The devil lost?

Hodgins

As he always must?

What if Arastoo means us?

Hodgins

Arastoo is a very sweet, gentle guy, you know?

I know, but maybe in his heart he looks down on us! Do you want to work with someone who thinks you're the great Satan?

Hodgins

No! I don't want to be the great Satan. I don't even want to be a minor demon.

Hodgins

The accelerant was common motor oil, available at any gas station.

Well, at least it wasn't brimstone, available only from Hell.

Hodgins

Page 187. [places Brennan's new book on the table] Would you mind reading it aloud?

Angela

Page 187. [playfully] I am not reading the sparky bits to you! You get somebody else to do that, sicko.

Hodgins

Okay, fine. Read it to yourself, then. [watches as Angela reads] That's that thing that I do. Nobody does that thing. It's my thing that I do.

Angela

Right.

Hodgins

It's not a well known thing. It's, you know, my thing that I do.

Angela

Right. I remember. I was there.

Hodgins

You told Brennan about that thing that I do!

Angela

It's a very good thing.

Hodgins

It's my thing! That I do! Did you tell her that it was my thing?

Angela

You mean did I give you credit?

Hodgins

Yes! Did you?

Angela

No.

Hodgins

Good, because I don't need her looking at me thinking about that thing I do.

Angela

Well that's good, then.

Hodgins

But now that thing I do is in print and every guy that reads that book is going to give it a shot. [sighs] Oh, well. You know I've got other things that I do. [Angela laughs] My advice: only sleep with guys that can't read, because otherwise you'll never be rid of me.

Hodgins

You know you get very bossy when you don't have any flesh to play with.

I *am* the boss.

Angela

(while Hodgins is giving her a massage) Oh, thank you God! Oh!

Hodgins

God is a little formal. Hodgins is fine.

Caroline

If it's gonna be your last case together, then do it properly.

It's not our last case.

Booth

We'll be back in a year.

Caroline

Tight as a drum, that's what I want. And trust me, the way you two are running from each other, you'd better be damn sure of these little trips you're taking.

Sweets

Daisy's going to, uh, Indonesia. She doesn't really care if I go with her.

Hodgins

Ooh. Ouch!

Booth

Sweets, no offense but, you might be better off without her.

Sweets

Dr. Brennan was asked to head up the expedition, will you be better off without her?

Sweets

So what, I should just go? I should just, give up my career and my life and my friends and my practice, and go to Indonesia?

Hodgins

Hey, I'm about to risk dismemberment just to impress my scary father-in-law.

Sweets

How are you gonna get past the dogs?

Hodgins

I don't know.

Sweets

How are you gonna start the car?

Hodgins

I don't know.

Sweets

How are you gonna get the car through the gate?

Hodgins

I don't know.

Sweets

How are you gonna evade the angry bikers?

Hodgins

Ugh, I haven't got a clue.

Sweets

Okay. Good plan, what do I do?

Hodgins

Survive and tell the story of my love.

Angela

Okay, what I did was modify my mass recognition program -- patent pending -- to scan the photographic reconstruction of the crime scene, to find areas of comparatively less chaos.

Hodgins

Awesome.

(surprised) You understand what she's saying?

Hodgins

Not in the least, but I am so turned on by her brain. I'd like to see her brain totally naked.

Sweets

It's a terrible image. It's just terrible.