Seeley Booth quotes from Bones

Zack

I could build a random generator.

Goodman

Wouldn't it be best to match complementary people in a premeditated manner?

Hodgins

All right, I've got five numbers in my head, and five letters. You tell me the number, I tell you the matching letter.

Goodman

Are the letters sequential or the numbers sequential?

Hodgins

Sequential. We'll go in order from youngest to oldest.

Zack

Six.

Hodgins

There is no six!

Goodman

A through E and 1 through 5?

Zack

Six!

Hodgins

There is no six!

Booth

(holding out a jar with names in it) Okay, just...pick a name, if you get your own, put it back.

Goodman

Oh. That could work.

Booth

Christmas is the perfect time to reevaluate your standing with...(points upward)

Brennan

A helicopter pilot?

Brennan

I can't go to Los Angeles. I have an Iron Age warrior to authenticate.

Booth

Iron Age warrior? When was the Iron Age?

Brennan

Fifteen hundred years ago.

Booth

Fresh body bits; just a little more urgent.

Brennan

You do realize there are a lot more fresh bodies than there are perfect specimens from the Iron Age?

Booth

You know, when you say things like that, it's just to bug me, right?

Brennan

You're ordering a prostitute from my cell phone?!

Booth

I'm wondering if Rachel ever took part in one of those two-on-one specials?

Hodgins

Hey! The old two-on-one special! Classic!

Zack

What's a classic?

Booth

That's great. Just send me whoever she worked with the most.

Brennan

You're ordering a hooker to my hotel?!

Zack

Did I hear you say hooker?

Hodgins

Hey, how come I never get to go on these out of town trips?

Booth

You have much looser daily allowances than I do.

Brennan

Well, have fun.

Brennan

She thought she was ugly. She did everything she could to make herself beautiful, and all she did was make herself more invisible.

Booth

Everybody in this city thinks they're ugly, and nobody is. I'm starting to get why you hate anonymous death so much.

Brennan

We were born unique, our experiences mold and change us, we become someone, all of us, and to have that taken away by murder, to be erased from existence against our will it's just...

Booth

Evil.

Brennan

Unacceptable. These bones you bring me, I give them a face, I say their names out loud, I return them to their loved ones and you arrest the bad guy. I like that.

Finn

Agent Booth, can I have a moment, please? Um, have I done something to offend you?

Booth

Look, I'm not really into this whole "West Coast In Touch With Your Feelings" thing, okay? So...

Finn

Yeah. Um, I'm really good at my job, and I've been nothing but cooperative and helpful to you, but you just freeze me out.

Booth

Mmm-hmm.

Finn

And I know you have nothing against working with women because you're partners with Dr. Brennan, so your problem must be with me.

Booth

Look, I don't have anything against you, Agent Finn. I just don't like the way you view the FBI.

Finn

What do you mean?

Booth

This is a proud and noble job but you're using it to get to something else. My advice? Write your script, get an agent, hell, have a little plastic surgery! But quit using my Federal Bureau of Investigation as a stepping stone into something that you think is better. Because in my book, there is nothing better.

Booth

FBI!

US Marshals!

Booth

US Marshals?

Brennan

Forensic anthropologist! That's why no gun.

Booth

You know, if this works, I'm gonna buy you a puppy.

Brennan

That would be inadvisable.

Brennan

[disgusted] Who does this? Cuts a finger off an eight-year-old boy?

Booth

Mercenaries, professionals. They don't feel a thing.

Brennan

I feel things, Booth.

Booth

Never said you didn't, Bones.

Brennan

I'm a "professional", too. I do better work if I only see the finger and not the child. It doesn't mean I'm like them.

Booth

Look, I know that, Bones, but what I also know is that they made a big mistake sending us that finger.

Brennan

Why? Because it made you mad?

Booth

No. Because you're gonna use it to catch them. So, you gather up your squint squad. Let's get to work.

Booth

[discussing the evidence with Zack and Hodgins] Asbestos from brake-pads, leaded gasoline, mechanic bench you know ...plus the mother was electrocuted by current from a generator. We're looking for an abandoned gas station or mechanic shop off the grid. Now, you guys are geniuses! [walks away]

Zack

How do we find that?

Booth

Work for the FBI, you idiot.

Hodgins

Way to go, Zack. We went from geniuses to idiots in three seconds.

Booth

No, you don't have to solve the whole case. Just tell me if I'm looking at a murder. Maybe, you know, pull a quick I.D.?

Brennan

Don't use your charm smile on me.

Booth

What? It's a mark of respect. That's all.

Booth

Unbelievable. [sighs and goes over to pick up some comic books] This is quite the collection of comic books.

Brennan

Hodgins said that the cellulose mass was a graphic novel. He sent it to Angela for analysis and recovery.

Booth

Sweet.

Brennan

Sweet?

Booth

Ah, he has Batman #127, featuring The Hammer of the Thor. This is worth about three hundred bucks.

Brennan

Booth, are you a nerd?

Booth

First of all, you mean geek. And no, I'm not, okay? It's quite normal for an American male to read comic books.

Brennan

I find it hard to believe you have anything in common with Warren Granger.

Booth

Oh, you mean isolated, with an inner secret life? No, okay. I'd say you were more like Warren.

Goodman

All writers reveal more of themselves than they intend on their page.

Booth

You know, I've gotta tell you, I never bought all that English 101 stuff. Sometimes a river is just a river.

Brennan

[to Goodman] With all due respect, my writing, for example, is pure fiction.

Goodman

Dr. Brennan, I fear you reveal much more of your worldview in your writing than you realize.

Brennan

Such as?

Goodman

Such as, archeologists make good administrators because they enjoy tedium.

Angela

Such as, artists are doomed to a life of loneliness because they are unable to think beyond instant gratification.

Booth

Such as, you know, FBI guys are hot and Angela here wants to have sex with me.

Angela

Yeah.

Brennan

You said before that Warren reminded you of me. You think I'm just like him, that he hid from life by immersing himself in a fantasy world where he fought crime. And I do the same thing, only I don't have superpowers. I... I have science.

Booth

No, Bones. You do fight crime. It's not a fantasy. As far as any normal person is concerned, you do have superpowers.

Brennan

You're just saying that to me.

Booth

No, I don't do that.

Brennan

Yes, you do. You lied to Warren Granger's mother to make her feel better. That seems to be your superpower.

Booth

Well, in your book, your partner's a former Olympic boxer who graduated from Harvard and spoke six different languages. In real life, you got me.

Brennan

So what you're saying is that reality falls far, far short of the fictional.

Booth

Yeah. Thanks a lot, Bones.