Seeley Booth quotes from Bones

Booth

Name of arresting officer.

Brennan

You. Special Agent Seeley Booth. Do you need me to spell that for you?

Booth

I think I can sound that out.

Brennan

So, when do I get the gun?

Booth

You can't have a gun.

Brennan

Why not?

Booth

Because you were charged with a felony.

Brennan

Write down that you were wrong to charge me.

Booth

Oh, there is no space for that.

Brennan

I'll ask the others but I won't order them. They might have plans.

Booth

It's Friday night and they're racing beetles.

Brennan

Are you going to arrest me for assault?

Booth

From what I saw, purely self defense.

Brennan

Maybe I shouldn't carry a gun after all.

Booth

Hell, you can have mine.

Booth

Bones, you don't need a gun. If anyone needs shooting, I'll do it.

Brennan

But what if you're injured or dead and someone still needs shooting? I'm not hoping it will happen. I'm just stating the possibility.

Booth

You know what, Bones? You're a professor, all right? You're not an FBI agent. Use your mutant powers...just talk people to death.

Brennan

Are you going to help with the digging?

Booth

Well I would but, psh, this is a $1200 suit.

Booth

I think there are doubts when it comes to an execution. There shouldn't be any doubts.

He doesn't have doubts. He has cold feet.

Booth

Do you think I won't pop you one just because we're standing in the judge's kitchen?

Booth

Why does he need a driver?

Zack

I can't drive.

Booth

You're a genius who can't drive?

Zack

If you knew what I know about structural design, you wouldn't drive either.

Hodgins

You want in on the action?

Angela

No thank you. I'm going to go have sex.

Hodgins

Have a good time.

Zack

Yeah, okay...

Booth

I told them not to let you in this building. I gave them your picture.

Amy

Which is why I wore the tiny skirt.

Booth

You know, I'm sorry for wrecking your weekend for nothing.

Brennan

No, not for nothing.

Booth

Ah, you know what I mean. You know all that running around it didn't change anything. Epps was guilty. He was always guilty.

Brennan

There was doubt. We had an obligation to respect that doubt. We all share in the death of every human being.

Booth

Very poetic.

Brennan

No, very literal. We all share DNA. (very earnestly) When I look at a bone it's not some artifact that I can separate from myself. It's a part of a person who got here the same way I did. It should never be easy to take someone's life. I don't care who it is. (Booth stares at her intently for a long while) What? (he continues to stare and a smile begins to form on his lips) What?

Booth

You know you've been practicing your Nobel prize speech just a little too much.

Brennan

Not tonight. I have a dinner.

Booth:

What? Wow. I just assumed that the two of you would be eating off an autopsy table.

Brennan

Not tonight!

Booth

I was being...uh...Tomorrow's fine.

Angela

[amused] Did you just give Zack and Hodgins a sign of encouragement?

Booth

You know what, that's the first time I've been able to look at them without imagining knocking their heads together.

Goodman

[smiles] Agent Booth, you're accessing your inner squint.

Booth

You don't seem too upset about missing Christmas.

Brennan

Indications are that Christ, if he existed, was born in late spring, and the celebration of his birth was shifted to coincide with the pagan rite of the winter solstice so that early Christians weren't persecuted.

Booth

What are you, like, the Christmas killer?

Brennan

It's the truth.

Booth

No, it sounds like the truth because it's so rational, right? But the... you know, the true truth is you hate Christmas, so you just spout out all these facts and you ruin it for everyone else.

Brennan

I ruin the true truth with facts?

Brennan

Anthropologically speaking, gifts are a way of asserting dominance in a group. Now imagine an entire holiday devoted to self-promotion, especially in this materialistic culture. How can you expect me to get behind that? How can you get behind that?

Booth

Wow, that's... that's deep. It's a very deep pile of crap.

Brennan

You came to me with information this morning, a peace offering. But it was to make you feel better, not me. Proves my point.

Booth

Okay, could we just stop bringing up the whole Christ myth thing? Some people believe it's more than just a myth.

Brennan

Well, who besides you?

Goodman

That would be me, Dr. Brennan. I'm a deacon at my church.

Angela

I do. Christmas and Easter, anyway.

Hodgins

Although I believe organized religion is just another political movement designed to control the masses, it doesn't mean God doesn't love me.

Zack

Hey, I'm a rational empiricist all the way, unless you talk to my mother. Then I'm Lutheran.