Seeley Booth quotes from Bones

Aubrey

This is the coolest thing I've ever seen in my life––

Booth

[glares at Aubrey] Aubrey.

Aubrey

[sheepishly] But it does not compare with my daily service to my country.

Booth

[flashes badge] FBI! Take a break, huh?

I don't care who you are. We're in the middle of something here. Get off my stage.

Aubrey

[shakes head] I don't think he understands.

Booth

[smirks] He doesn't understand.

Aubrey

Ok. [snaps fingers] Hi, we're from the FBI.

Oh, you're from some sort of cop game? [Booth and Aubrey look at each in bemusement] Then you should know about ruining an entire sequence. Now get off my stage before I make you.

Booth

Ok, you just need to relax there, Mr. Light-Bright, ok? We have permission to be here...ok? I'm Special Agent Booth.

Now watch it...

Booth

[looks at Aubrey] He doesn't understand!

That was a big mistake buddy.

Booth

Ok...that was a bigger mistake. [stretches shoulder] Shoulders hurt...the rotator cuff. [to Aubrey] You wanna get this one?

Aubrey

Sure!

Booth

Look at that, we restrained a manotaur.

Aubrey

Minotaur.

Booth

Whatever.

Aubrey

[to reporters gathered outside the room (crime scene)] All right everybody, listen up! I know these are all forensic super experts but today you have to stay on the other side of the yellow tape!

Booth

You still love being the G-Man?

Aubrey

[sighs in frustration] It's like security at a Beyoncé concert!

Booth

I'll bet you a hundred bucks they'll be even more jealous when it's done.

Brennan

Booth, you're in Gamblers Anonymous. You shouldn't be betting.

Booth

[deadpan] Right, and you're a genius, all right? So don't say stupid things. [motions to his plate] Have some pie.

Booth

Listen, I know what it's like to be innocent and have a whole bunch of circumstantial evidence stacked against you.

Hodgins

Thank you, Booth.

Aubrey

[to Hodgins] I really do think you're a good guy.

Hodgins

Yeah, great. [leaves]

Aubrey

[calls after Hodgins] So please don't be the killer!

Booth

Andy Dolmar, you've gotta be kidding me. [glances at suspect, Andy's client] How's this low life before you?

Sometimes I do pro bono work.

Booth

I'm sure you do. During tax deduction time.

Aubrey

One more thing, an apology... I guess. I was sort of ass-like.

Booth

Because you were looking at other people's pain for what it could do for your own career.

Aubrey

[nods] Yeah. [Booth looks at him pointedly] But once I saw those women, thought about Min-Yan's life and how she died...

Booth

Ass.

Aubrey

Yeah. Won't happen again.

Booth

[sarcastically] Right. Yes, it will. But what you have here is a good start so, good boy. [smirks]

Aubrey

Ok...it's gonna sound like you were treating me like a dog.

Booth

Aubrey, I don't have a bone I could throw at the front door here so let's go. [leaves]

Aubrey

That was very insulting, even to an ass.

Brennan

For me, I keep thinking about her trying to find Sung. I could've so easily been like her, just missing the opportunity to live my life with you. I would thank God, if I believed in one.

Booth

[smiles] Then I'll do it for you.

Aubrey

Uh, Angela sent over some help. See, by triangulating the locations of the body parts we already recovered, she was able to significantly narrow down the search area, which she then cross-referenced with the garbage truck pickup routes−−

Booth

[interrupts] Enough, enough, enough with the squint talk. If I wanted to talk squint, I would go to, you know, Squint Land.

Aubrey

[updating Booth on the case] The video was recorded as a part of an experiment.

Booth

Well, what kind of experiment makes someone pretend they're being tortured?

Aubrey

Well, we're about to find out.

Booth

Nah-ha, you are about to find out. You see, I have a date with Officer Stop 'n Go.

Aubrey

You know, between you and your wife, I'm starting to feel like I'm being rejected here.

Booth

I thought you said you could handle her.

Aubrey

You got a sadistic streak, you know that?

Brennan

I'm a much better driver than you are.

Booth

Says who?

Brennan

The State of Virginia, for starters.

Booth

So it's official. Okay, so if that's a challenge, I hope it ends in a super cool drag race.

Brennan

Oh, that sounds dangerous.

Booth

Well, it's not if you're behind the wheel. Instead of The Fast and the Furious, it'd be The Slow and the Serious.

Booth

Bodies are so much bulkier than jewels.

Brennan

And yet you seemed right at home. I guess once a thief, always a thief.

Aubrey

[updating Booth about the suspect] The guy's name is Alex Dunaway, but for now I'm just calling him Leatherface.

Booth

How about the Virginia Chain Saw Massacre?

Aubrey

Interesting fact-- you know, before being called The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, the original title was Headcheese?

Booth

[stares at Aubrey, unimpressed] What's wrong with you? [looks at a picture of the victim and crime scene] Oh. Wow.

Aubrey

Looking like some head cheese if you ask me.

Booth

You talk to Leatherface yet?

Aubrey

Not yet. Guy was ranting and raving when he came in. I'm not exactly fluent in crazy. I got the shrink in there calming him down for me.

Caroline

What's happening, Cher? No way you take a step back on a Pelant case for no reason.

Booth

I want to see how things go without me.

Caroline

Without you?

Booth

This is between you and me, for now, but, uh this is gonna be my last case.

Caroline

Oh, my Lord. You can't be serious.

Booth

Look, there are still a few places on me that haven't been shot or broken, and I'd like to keep it that way for as long as I can. There's a lot of good agents here. A lot better than me.

Caroline

Oh you shut up, Seeley Booth. There is no one better than you.

  [upon Seeley Booth taking a bite of her edible, gelatinous brain mould prop]  Whoa, Booth!  That wasn't a model; that was an actual brain I brought back from the lab.

Seeley Booth

  Ugh, oh, God!

  Gotcha!