Seeley Booth quotes from Bones

Hodgins

It's beautiful here.

Booth

Yeah, you know that's important for a murder.

Booth

Don't we have some stabbing to do?

Angela

Yes. I hate my job.

Hodgins

Woo! Seems to be a lot of Gamophyta!

Booth

Is that good?

Hodgins

I won't know until I compare it to the samples in the lab.

Booth

Then why did you act so excited?

Hodgins

I guess I just like Gamophyta.

Booth, if Dr. Brennan were to quit.

Booth

What?

If she were to leave the Jeffersonian.

Booth

Well, the squints would flee this institution like the French army.

And you?

Booth

Well, I do as I'm ordered.

No you don't, Seeley.

Booth

Okay here we go. What's going on Camille?

What if I fired her? What would you do?

Booth

I'm with Bones, Cam. All the way. Don't doubt it for a second.

Booth

Run her through the database, get an ID.

Why don't you just ask him?

Booth

Well because the last time Bones saw Epps, it got violent.

You'll be there to protect her.

Booth

She's not the one who needs protecting. Bones broke his wrist

Brennan

He touched me with his creepy serial killer hands.

Better not take Dr. Brennan.

Booth

Do you have a dog, Bones?

Brennan

I always wanted a pig...

Booth

A pig?

Brennan

Very smart, despite the popular misconception, very clean.

Booth

You know, if you had a pet pig, what would you name him?

Brennan

[looking at him as though the answer is obvious] Jasper.

Brennan

(entering the suspect's house and finding a dog they encountered earlier) Oh great! Him again. I don't have a pine cone.

Booth

(pulls his gun and advances on the dog) Listen dog, I will shoot you in the head if you don't cut it out right now! (dog stops barking and heels)

Booth

I got something for you.

Brennan

A bottle of hard liquor?

Booth

Next best thing. (takes a small pig figurine out of his pocket, puts it in the palm of his hand, and moves very close to Brennan) Meet Jasper. (both smiling, Brennan takes Jasper from Booth's hand and looks at it) You're gonna be okay?

Brennan

Yeah.

Booth

Definitely.

Booth

What's that?

Brennan

Religious medal. Sarah had it in her possession.

Booth

Saint Agnes. Patron saint of young women especially those who remain pure.

Brennan

How do you know all that?

Booth

I'm Catholic, Bones.

Brennan

"S.A.H.S."

Booth

Yeah, St. Agnes High School. Except I think Sarah Koskoff went to public school. [pauses] Oh, God.

Brennan

What? What does that mean?

Booth

[with dread] It means I have to go talk to a nun.

Brennan

And if you're not helpless, then why did you sleep with her?

Booth

Oh, I really don't recall saying that I did!

Brennan

Well, you didn't have to. I could hear it in your voice. I might as well have walked in on you having sex.

Booth

Oh, you didn't, and we weren't.

Brennan

It's nothing to be ashamed of, Booth. Humans act upon a hierarchy of needs, and sex is very highly ranked. It's an anthropological inevitability.

Booth

Thank you, Bones. I really appreciate you boiling me down to your anthropological inevitabilities.

Brennan

Sure. Any time.

Brennan

Are you sure this is the best time to tell them?

Booth

After two days of nagging me, it's just now you're getting cold feet?

Brennan

I don't nag.

Booth

[dismisses Brennan] Oh, well, you know, it's an anthropological inevitability for women to gossip and nag.

Brennan

[to Booth] You seem uncomfortable. Does his size make you self-conscious?

Booth

Bones.

Brennan

It's a condition: skeletal dysplasia. Pseudoachondroplasia or S.E.D. congenita?

Booth

Bones!

Brennan

What?

Dr. Brennan, I can see that you're a straightforward person. And as much as I appreciate that quality, what you're asking me is neither your business nor relevant.

Brennan

But it is my business because I'm a forensic anthropologist. But you're right, it's not relevant.

Booth

So maybe the bomber got caught by his own explosion.

Brennan

Her own explosion.

Booth

Wait -- the bomber was a female?

Brennan

Sciatic arch. Doesn't lie.

Neither does the vagina.

Booth

Come on Alex, baby steps. [realises his mistake] No offence.

Brennan

[laughs] I just got that. It's baby steps because you're so small. It's probably offensive.

Sorry, I can't help you.

Brennan

Sorry.