Bob's Burgers · Season 1
(Linda tries to join the kids' game with Bob)
Mom, it's over. You "Momed" it all up.
Uh-oh.
What's that supposed to mean? Dad's here! Did he "Dad" it all up?
Yeah, but that's a good thing!
Fine! I don't wanna play your dumb little game anyway.
Well that's 'cause you suck at it!
(Linda gasps)
Uh-oh.
Ouch.
Oh, God.
Don't you talk to me that way, Miss Smart-Mouth! You just bought yourself a ticket to your room!
(storming off) Oh, fine! Best money I ever spent! You can't ruin anything in there!
You know, you're gonna need your mother some day! Who's gonna shave your legs, huh?
No one! I'm gonna grow them out all long and scraggly! [leaves, then comes back] I want to look like a torso on two tumbleweeds! [leaves, then comes back again] And I'm gonna learn about sex from television, SO I DON'T NEED THAT FROM YOU EITHER!
Gene, why are you making noises?
They're jealousy noises! You got your legs waxed and I didn't!
You don't even have leg hairs.
Tell that to my heart!
Look through the tube, see some boob! Show some green, see some peen!
What's the point of clinging to this, [gestures to himself] if I'm doomed to be that? [points at Bob]
Huh. I don't know.
Lin...
Why wait? Let's do it now! I want the whole Bob! Male-pattern baldness...
Hmm.
...stooped shoulders...
Stop.
...paunch...
Please.
...and the push broom on my lip.
This is incredibly insulting.
Think about how I feel! You really let myself go!
Our top story: Lenny DeStefano. Is there enough of him to go around, and how can we ration our passion? Jocelyn, who is Lenny asking to the Winter Prom?
No one knows, but he has been texting the entire drill team. And me.
And me also.
[Offscreen] Aw.
I've been tarred and Bobbed!
Why'd you do it, Zeke?
Well, the first time was an accident. But the second time was for fun. Then accident, fun, fun, another accident, three funs in a row, then after that, I was doing it for you, Tina.
My heart was murdered by the word "from." No one says "I from you!"
The Belchers' seat-belt song...
Buckle it up, Buckle it up, Buckle it up or you'll die!
(singing) Two people, together forever
Security in life
And someone to love ya!
Instead of being all alone
Such a lonely existence
I'd kill myself!
Tough song. She's talkin' about us, Mort.
Oh, my God, I'm sorry. Goin' on about love when you guys don't-
Have any love? In the slightest?
We'll have to cut down on expenses. What can we live without?
Probably Gene and Tina.
That's a good start.
Huh. Well that makes the things I was gonna cut irrelevant.
I made it rain shrimp! What did you ever do?
Mr. Frond assigns flour-sack babies to the boys in the class.
Let's have all the fathers come up and assume responsibility for their reckless behavior!
Bob fights a parking ticket...
Well, Your Honor, I couldn't see the meter because there was a kid standing in front of it. And he was exactly....meter-sized...
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Bob's Burgers pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
