Louise Belcher quotes from Bob's Burgers

Louise

[rehearsing] Red leather, yellow leather. Red leather, yellow leather.

Tina

Are you talking to me?

Louise

[angry] I'M WARMING UP MY INSTRUMENT! Unbelievable!

Tina

Um, I'm sorry... uhhhhhhh...

Louise

Hey, I'm sorry. It's pre-show nerves. Come here. Hug for luck.

Louise

YOU FREAKIN' IDIOT! YOU DON'T HUG FOR LUCK IN THE THEATRE!

Tina

Uhhh...

Louise

Shush, shush. I'm sorry baby. Shush, I didn't mean it baby. You know how I get before a big show, baby. You know how I get... GET OFFA ME! YOU'RE SMUDGING MY MAKE-UP!

Tina

Uuhh...

Louise

YOU WANT ME TO GO OUT IN FRONT OF THESE PEOPLE WITH THIS MAKE-UP ALL SMUDGED, YOU CLUMSY OAF?!

Tina

Uuhh...

Louise

Sorry, baby, come here...

Linda

Bob, she deserves a special party this year.

Louise

If what it says in her diary is true, then I say she needs it. A LOT.

Gene

It's true.

Bob

Wait, you read her diary?

Linda

Yeah.

Louise

What I can stomach.

Linda

I just skim it to make sure she's not on drugs.

Bob

Wha... what does it say?

Linda

It says "I'm not on drugs".

Teddy

I love bed and breakfasts. They're so quaint.

Louise

Aren't they? Random strangers, shedding skin cells all over the house...

Linda

Louise! You're grounded. Go to your room!

Louise

Gladly, that's all I ever wanted.

Linda

No! I mean, my room. Go to my room.

Louise

You can't make me.

Linda

Oh, yes, I can, miss missy! [takes Louise to her room, and puts her down]

Louise

I guess you can. [Linda slams the door]

Bob

Hey, kids.

Louise

Um, hey, Dad.

Bob

I had to get away from those anuses for a while.

Tina

You mean Mort and Teddy?

Bob

Ha, no. Gail's paintings.

Gene

Is Dad going to jail?

Tina

I'll wave at you every day.

Louise

Word of advice: don't tell them what you're in for.

Gene

I hope our new dad is blonde.

Louise

I've been honest with these two ever since Gene got too fat.

Gene

And I remember the ice cream sandwich that did it. I regret nothing!

Louise

And Tina, bad breath every day.

Tina

Not if you like fish.

Louise

Your room looks like it was decorated by a perverted jockey.

Tina

When you say that, I feel like you're trying to hurt my feelings.

Louise

Oh my god! Why do you talk so SLOW!

Tina

When you say that, I feel—

Louise

Tina, this is really, really boring.

Tina

Okay, well-

Linda

Okay my little cow pokes, time for school. You can watch the rest tonight.

Louise

Mom! How could you!

Linda

How could I what?

Louise

How could you encourage this?

Linda

Oh Louise, don't be a pill. A little father-son bonding is going on here, and that's a good thing. These two don't always do it so well.

Gene

Tambourine solo!

Bob

[weakly rattles tambourine] Yeesh.

Bob

Alright, this is how you throw a spiral. Here comes the bullet. Ugh! Stupid ball! It's 'cause there's no laces.

Gene

I'm hungry.

Bob

Alright, we're done. Go inside.

Gene

I WANT PEANUT BUTTER!

Bob

It turns out we bond better over movies that I like to watch, that I make Gene watch.

Gene

YEAH!

Louise

Oh that's... That's adorable. I'm going to school.

Bob

Good.

Gene

Great. Why don't you learn something and become a lawyer.

Louise

We don't celebrate Lobsterfest. We're like Jews on Christmas.

Gene

Or Jews for Jesus on Hanukkah.

Teddy

Or me at a lesbian bar. Last night. Watched a hockey game at a lesbian bar, Bob. It was like I was invisible.

Louise

Action!

Bob

[practicing] As you know, sir, we have several loans with your institution, all "past due." But what does "past due" even mean, you know?

Gene

It's brilliant! There's no such thing as time!

Linda

Gene was past due, and he came out fine.

Gene

I wish I'd stayed in there! [Dives under the table]

Linda

Hey! Get outta there!

Gene

LEMME IN!

Linda

Gene! Bob!

Bob

D’oh.

Linda

[annoyed] This is your son.

Louise

Sorry, Gene, no backsies.

Gene

You can't put the candy back in mom's wrapper.

Tina

I will punch you.

I will punch YOU!

Louise

Ooh! He will!

You know the rules, Louise: no hats in the gym.

Louise

And I told you I have a raging staph infection under here. You touch this hat and we all go down! You want to play dodge ball in the hospital?

Louise

We have no PE for the rest of the year, my friends.

Gene

Yeah! Who needs it?

Tina

Here, let me try.

Gene

Wow. I need to exercise.

Bob

Wow. Louise, You pulled a Caddyshack?

Louise

What's a Caddyshack?

Bob

The movie, Caddyshack.

Louise

I don't know it.

Bob

Wait, so, you you didn't just throw a candy bar in the pool?

Louise

No.

Bob

Wow

Louise

Yeah.

Bob

That's impressive.