Carlos quotes from Big Time Rush

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Don't worry. We'll figure this out. Have we ever let you down?

(laughs) Have they ever let me down... (Mrs. Knight and Katie shake their heads, then Kelly does) ...That's not the point. The point is, James...is NOT COMING BACK. Now, I don't care...WHAT you sing. But LOOK LIKE you're enjoying it, or I will destroy... ALL OF YOU!!!!! (brief moment of silence)

(singing) Oh you're such a turd, oh yeah, a giant turd...

KCKendall, Carlos and Logan

And you look like a turd, and you smell like a turd! Oh, you're such a turd...

Well, they do seem to be enjoying it.

And you sme-ee-e-ee-ell... like a tu-ah-uh-urrrrrrd! (the other boys cheer and walk up to him)

Katie

I'm gonna be rich! ...I mean, hurray for friendship!

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HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPP!!!!!

Carlos

Don't worry, best friends of mine! This looks like a job for... (starts to hop his chair)

Carlos, not now!

Carlos

Yes, now! 'Cause it's time!

Carlos!

Carlos

I can do this!

(sees the stairs sign) Carlos, you don't understand.

Carlos

No, YOU don't understand!

Carlos, we're trying to help you!

Carlos

I'm trying to help YOU!

You're not looking where you're hopping!

Carlos

I can do this! IT'S TIME FOR... (tips himself in his chair down the stairs. The other three watch in disgust as noises are made)

Well...we tried to tell him. (Carlos comes back with his chair broken and the rope undone)

Ha! You really are a superhero!

Carlos

No...i'm a POP STAR. Who wants to rock that concert, get our album released, and get chased by lots of girls.

Then UNTIE US! (Carlos runs to the other three)

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Carlos

She's gonna kill us!

Not if we kill her first!

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Carlos

Is the bad stuff over?

PS: "We promise we'll help you!"

What did we tell you about making promises you can't keep?!

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SSasha

[crying]

Carlos

What's wrong!?

SSasha

[through sobbing] I don't know! I just cry all the time and for no reason!

Carlos

That's how I know you care.

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Carlos

(dressed as a cop with a mustache) We gotta cut three more minutes from the show to perform.

(dressed as Abraham Lincoln) Then "Operation: We Love Ed Begley Jr But We Have To Cut His Segment Short to Perform" is underway.

(dressed as a pharoah) Okay, next time i'm in charge of operation naming! (gets slapped by James) Owwwwwwww...what'd you do that for?

(dresses as a fisherman) Number eleven: Slap a pharoah. Check.

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(When the boys are about to be hit by lots of pies)

DOGS! I am Kelly today. Long story. So uh... studio! NOW!

KJKendall, James and Carlos

HUMAN SHIELD! (they grab Gustavo and drag him around, making the girls pie him and not them)

Hey! Thanks for the day off for pranking, Gustavo.

(incoherently) I'm Kelly... (faints)

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Katie

Tomorrow is Christmas, with toys and snow AND TOYS.

KMrs. Knight

Christmas is not about toys! It's about giving, and being with the people you love.

KCKendall, Carlos, Logan and Katie

No, it's about toys.

(walks in having been attacked by many girls) Mistletoe... BAD!! (falls to the ground)

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Actually, you wrote Yard Squirrel Christmas in five minutes and it's still your biggest selling single. (screen close-ups to show a platinum record) Ever.

(Flashback)

YSYard Squirrel

It's a yard squirrel Christmas, and all we need is this!

YARRRRRRRRRRRD SQUIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRELS!!!!!!!!

(End flashback)

It was just a STUPID novelty song, with SPED-UP voices, and I HATED it!

Carlos

Hey! I loved that song.

BThe Boys

EVERYBODY loved that song.

I write the best pop songs IN THE WORLD and I will NOT be remembered for some STUPID SQUIRREL SONG!

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Okay, I just pushed our flights back four hours.

BThe Boys

(all talking on phones)

And how are we doing on our celebrity search?

(hangs up) I just got off the phone with Lady Gaga's people.

Ooh! What did she say?

"Who's Big Time Rush?"

What about Jordin Sparks?

Out of town for the holidays. Just like every other celebrity we could sing with.

(grunts angrily)

Carlos

On the bright side, astronaut Buzz Aldrin is very interested. (Everyone looks at him.) Second man to walk on the moon!

There's got to be some celebrity that's still in town! (slams his fist on the remote and TV changes channels)

(on the TV) So join me, Miranda Cosgrove, from my Have Yourself a Miranda Little Christmas Special live from Los Angeles. (Everyone starts looking at the TV) With duets with your all of your favorite stars like international superstar Fabio, Lightning the T.V. Wonder Dog and-

(pauses the t.v. and the boys go to the TV)

BThe Boys

Big Time Rush!

How?

Carlos

It'll be another Christmas miracle.

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Carlos

I think he's choking.

SGSecurity Guard

(falls to the ground)

It's another Christmas miracle!

(Everyone starts running into the studio but stop and turn to the security guard and feel guilty.)

Okay, we might be horrible people.

(Everyone goes back to the security guard.)

Get him up! Get him up!

(James, Carlos and Logan help the security guard up and Kelly does to Heimlich Maneuver. The security guard spits out the food on Gustavo.)

(disgusted) Oh! That was gross!

SGSecurity Guard

Thanks. Who are you guys?

We're Big Time Rush and we just want to get home for the holidays.

(Everyone begs the security officer to let them through.)

SGSecurity Guard

Well, merry Christmas. (drops his clipboard and bends down)

EEveryone

(confused)

SGSecurity Guard

I dropped my clipboard and distracted and can't see you!

EEveryone

(gets it and thanks the security guard and runs inside the studio)

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(after the boys are caught by Miranda and her manager)

MManager

You're all going to jail for Christmas!

Oh no! Don't call the police! We're allergic to police.

We weren't Fabio-napping, we were just hiding him so we could sing with Miranda...sorry, Fabio.

Carlos

Look, if we don't record three Christmas songs by today, our grinchy CEO won't let us go home for Christmas!

We're Big Time Rush! We're a band!

(turns to her manager) ...They're really cute.

MManager

They locked Fabio in a costume bin!

Yeah, but...they're really cute.

MManager

My daughter does love their album.

FFabio

And they did give me some tasty snacks and a movie to watch for me. And by the way, I'm a horrible singer.

He's right. He's a horrible singer.

Carlos

And we can sing.

(harmonizing) Sing...

(harmonizing) Sing...

(harmonizing) Sing!

So, how are we doing?

Honestly? It could go either way.

(scene cuts to Kelly and Gustavo hiding in front of the studio sound board.)

Okay, the producers should be freaking out looking for a replacement for Fabio.

Which means either a Christmas miracle happened and the dogs are in wardrobe, or they got caught AND WE'RE GOING TO JAIL FOR CHRISTMAS!!!

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(turns around) AHHHHHH! (gets hit by a limo)

BKThe Boys and Kelly

(shocked and sees the limo stop and the window opens)

Please don't tell me I just ran over a reindeer.

BKThe Boys and Kelly

SNOOP DOGG?!

Carlos

It's a Christmas miracle!

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(Snoop and the boys records their version of "The Twelve Days of Christmas")

BTBig Time Rush

On the twelfth day of Christmas, Snoop gave to me:

12 ringside tickets...

11 books on physics...

Carlos

10 juicy corndogs...

9 lucky combs...

8 wooly beanies...

7 sweater vests...

Carlos

6 hockey helmets...

5 municipal bonds with a compound interest rate 3% acruity monthly.

(The song stops as the boys look at Snoop confused.)

What? You gotta make your money worth you.

(The boys understand and the song resumes.)

BTBig Time Rush

4 comfy PJs...

3 canned hams, 2 fractured femurs...

(Gustavo, Kelly, Griffin are listening to the song.)

BTBig Time Rush

And a song for the Christmas EP.

BTBig Time Rush and Snoop Dogg

And a song for the Christmas EP.