Gustavo quotes from Big Time Rush

This just in: Big Time Rush... ROCKS!!!!!!! (AM LA's credits roll)

Yes...Big Time Rush does rock.

Gustavo

Boom!

What about us?

How about I get you all virtual offices? (an employee tosses them two pairs of 3D glasses)

SWEET!

Kelly

The guys are late, and they're not picking up their cell phones!

Gustavo

Oh, that's 'cause I gave them the day off for pranking.

Kelly

WHAT? We've got a ton of work to do!

Gustavo

Kelly...pranks are a rite of passage for the young male.

Kelly

Really! I can't wait to not hear any more of this story!

Gustavo

FINE. Now, PLEASE be USEFUL, and go get me some sugar...for my coffee! (he taps the lid of his cup. She gives an "ugh" look) A thank you. (Kelly walks over to the cupboard, puts her papers down and opens the door only to have lots of sugar packets falling on her. Gustavo watches in amusement as she falls to the floor) The sugar packet pile-on! A Gustavo Rocque classic. (she stands up and spits out the packets) You got PRANKED! (he points at her and she glares at him)

Gustavo

(laughs at Kelly mocking him) THAT IS THE WORST SONG...I HAVE EVER HEARD...IN MY LIFE! AH, HA HA HA- (Kelly punches him) Oof!

Kelly

And you can't punch back, because I'm a girl!

Gustavo

(stands up) No you're not...you're Gustavo.

Kelly

Right...AHHHH! Justin Bieber! (points forward)

Gustavo

Hm?!? (he, Griffin and the secretary look behind eachother. Kelly runs, and Gustavo turns to see Kelly gone. He holds his fist up) ...Bieber!

Gustavo

DOGS! I am Kelly today. Long story. So uh... studio! NOW!

HUMAN SHIELD! (they grab Gustavo and drag him around, making the girls pie him and not them)

James

Hey! Thanks for the day off for pranking, Gustavo.

Gustavo

(incoherently) I'm Kelly... (faints)

Gustavo

Let's end it now, while it's even.

Kelly

Agreed. (they shake hands)

Here at our CMCBT GlobalNet Samuoid, we have a strict..."no pranking" policy. (Gustavo tries to talk, but his mouth is taped shut) I can't understand you, Gustavo, because your mouth is taped shut. (Gustavo mumbles again) Which is why I'm going to stay here, and help you stop your pranking ways.

Because you have no respect for each others' jobs, I'm recommending the "role reversal" method. The classy corporate exercise that teaches mutual respect.

Kelly

So all I have to do all day is write songs with the word "girl" in it and scream a lot?

Gustavo

Oh yeah, well I don't even know what she does!

Kelly

I do THIS! (slaps Gustavo in the head and the two have a slap fight)

Mandatory! The role reversal is now...mandatory.

Gustavo

Fine. (takes a binder and talks like Kelly) "Oh, Gustavo! Griffin wants his demos now! And blah, bluh, blah bluh bluh-

Kelly

(takes Gustavo's sunglasses and puts them on, then imitates him) KELLY! Go get the DOGS! I've got WORK to do! UHAHHHHHHHHH! (the two make babbling noises at each other)

See? Isn't this better?

Kelly

Actually, you wrote Yard Squirrel Christmas in five minutes and it's still your biggest selling single. (screen close-ups to show a platinum record) Ever.

It's a yard squirrel Christmas, and all we need is this!

Gustavo

YARRRRRRRRRRRD SQUIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRELS!!!!!!!!

Gustavo

It was just a STUPID novelty song, with SPED-UP voices, and I HATED it!

Carlos

Hey! I loved that song.

EVERYBODY loved that song.

Gustavo

I write the best pop songs IN THE WORLD and I will NOT be remembered for some STUPID SQUIRREL SONG!

Kelly

Okay, I just pushed our flights back four hours.

(all talking on phones)

Gustavo

And how are we doing on our celebrity search?

Kendall

(hangs up) I just got off the phone with Lady Gaga's people.

Gustavo

Ooh! What did she say?

Kendall

"Who's Big Time Rush?"

Gustavo

What about Jordin Sparks?

Logan

Out of town for the holidays. Just like every other celebrity we could sing with.

Gustavo

(grunts angrily)

Carlos

On the bright side, astronaut Buzz Aldrin is very interested. (Everyone looks at him.) Second man to walk on the moon!

James

There's got to be some celebrity that's still in town! (slams his fist on the remote and TV changes channels)

(on the TV) So join me, Miranda Cosgrove, from my Have Yourself a Miranda Little Christmas Special live from Los Angeles. (Everyone starts looking at the TV) With duets with your all of your favorite stars like international superstar Fabio, Lightning the T.V. Wonder Dog and-

James

(pauses the t.v. and the boys go to the TV)

Big Time Rush!

Gustavo

How?

Carlos

It'll be another Christmas miracle.

Carlos

I think he's choking.

(falls to the ground)

Gustavo

It's another Christmas miracle!

Logan

Okay, we might be horrible people.

Kelly

Get him up! Get him up!

Gustavo

(disgusted) Oh! That was gross!

Thanks. Who are you guys?

Kendall

We're Big Time Rush and we just want to get home for the holidays.

Well, merry Christmas. (drops his clipboard and bends down)

(confused)

I dropped my clipboard and distracted and can't see you!

(gets it and thanks the security guard and runs inside the studio)

You're all going to jail for Christmas!

Kendall

Oh no! Don't call the police! We're allergic to police.

Logan

We weren't Fabio-napping, we were just hiding him so we could sing with Miranda...sorry, Fabio.

Carlos

Look, if we don't record three Christmas songs by today, our grinchy CEO won't let us go home for Christmas!

James

We're Big Time Rush! We're a band!

(turns to her manager) ...They're really cute.

They locked Fabio in a costume bin!

Yeah, but...they're really cute.

My daughter does love their album.

And they did give me some tasty snacks and a movie to watch for me. And by the way, I'm a horrible singer.

He's right. He's a horrible singer.

Carlos

And we can sing.

Kendall

(harmonizing) Sing...

James

(harmonizing) Sing...

Logan

(harmonizing) Sing!

Kendall

So, how are we doing?

Honestly? It could go either way.

Kelly

Okay, the producers should be freaking out looking for a replacement for Fabio.

Gustavo

Which means either a Christmas miracle happened and the dogs are in wardrobe, or they got caught AND WE'RE GOING TO JAIL FOR CHRISTMAS!!!

(come in and greet Miranda)

Kelly

Press record! Press record!

Gustavo

Fiji here I come! (presses record)

Do you guys want to sing a song with me?

Yeah sure.

Gustavo

(turns around) AHHHHHH! (gets hit by a limo)

(shocked and sees the limo stop and the window opens)

Snoop Dogg

Please don't tell me I just ran over a reindeer.

SNOOP DOGG?!

Carlos

It's a Christmas miracle!

Gustavo

And that makes 3 BTR Christmas songs. Fiji, here we come!

Except...Justin Bieber just released 50 Days of Christmas with 50 Cent. It's over eight hours long, and it's a masterpiece!

WHAT?!

Gustavo

WHAT?!

Kelly

WHAT?!

Snoop Dogg

WHAT?! Yeah, I gotta be there in fifteen minutes.

Well...Grandma may not like it, but I...love it! (the others cheer. Kelly hands him a disk which he then hands to his executive) Upload this immediately so kids can enjoy a big time Christmas all around the world. And I...will enjoy big time profits.

Snoop Dogg

I had fun, boys, but I GOT to get to my Grandmama's!

And we gotta get to Minnesota!

Kelly

Well you can all make your flights if you leave RIGHT NOW.

Gustavo

(holds up suitcases) HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!

Logan

RUN!

Kendall

RUN!

Snoop Dogg

RUN!

James

RUN!

Carlos

RUN!

RUN!!