Well, I would, but I have to be downtown by 6, and I don't wanna be late for my best friend's wedding 'cause there's a real good chance she could go into labour.
Fine. You know, fine. Like I don't have enough two-legged patients to take care of around here! Open up the ark, you know, let in all the animals! Between Mrs. Kramer's cataracts and Mr. Santiago's arthritis, I suppose I could fit in a grooming and the occasional flea dip. [under his breath to Linda as he takes the cat from her] Actually, you know, some of our patients could use a good flea dip.
Well he's at least fourteen or fifteen years old, he's lived long enough! Can I get some coffee to go, Reg? [he sees her and Jake's mortified expressions] He's a cat, for God's sake! Snuck into my office and somehow, I got stuck taking care of him.
Like it? You can't even see it! You didn't think of that, did you Reggie!? I mean, Jake here could put his eye out with one of these things, or I could puncture the roof of my mouth!
RRRegina 'Reggie' Kostas
This puncture, would it shut you up for a couple of days!?
You gotta accept it, Jake; as soon as you get involved with a woman, it's only a matter of time before you're the next contestant on "Guess Why I'm Mad".
This'll be fine, seriously. Sit down. [into the radio mike] This is great. We have John Becker here, the racist doctor Mr. Tetzloff wrote about. [to Becker] Go ahead. You're on the air. Talk. Talk into the mike.
Yes, yes. You people, as in, you lousy drivers. I didn't care where he came from. All I cared about was where he was going, which was into the side of my car! I never said he was a bad driver because he was Asian.
This woman just proves what everything I've been saying for years, that the only thing dumber than talk radio listeners are talk radio callers. It's an entire audience made up of the infirm, the unemployed, and the insane.
I am not! I have strong opinions. Yeah, I admit that. I have likes, I have dislikes, but none of them are racially motivated! Everything I say is motivated purely by stupidity!
I did not! I said I didn't like loud music. You know, all right. I don't like rap music. Is that okay with you? I don't like polka music either, but I like Polish sausage. I hate Chinese checkers, but I love French fries. I hate Belgian waffles, love German Shepherds. Can't stand English muffins! Here's a real puzzler: hate Danish cheese, love cheese danish!
No, that's not what I meant at all. I was talking about some guy who lives down the street from me. I don't know where he comes from, but he cooks his dinner on the sidewalk, and that's just stupid. You know something? You are the one who's making this about Puerto Ricans.
That's exactly what you did. Same thing with your column. You took a private conversation, you imbued it with racial overtones, all under the guise of political correctness. You know something? That concept was meant to make us more sensitive to each other, but instead, all you did was use it to perpetuate some ugly stereotypes!
Yeah, well, that's what you did. You know, let me tell you one more thing I don't like: you. Not because of where you come from. I just don't like you. And you know something, you're free not to like me, either, as long as you do it for the right reasons. And if you don't like that, you can kiss my ass.
