You had motive, you had opportunity, and let's not forget yesterday you said you wanted to kill him.
If I was capable of killing someone would you still be alive?
[Becker walks into the back]
[to Margaret] He didn't do it.
S3Super Bob
What's the matter with you people? I didn't kill that guy.
BBob
[coming out of phone booth] Hey, Becker, you know that guy you killed? I just got his job.
I didn't kill anybody, Bob! What'd you just say?
BBob
I'm your new super.
But Alexei just died this morning. How could you even know about the job?
BBob
I owe it all to Linda.
Linda helped you? My Linda?
BBob
If, by "help", you mean left your office as soon as she heard the old super croaked, ran to your building, gave them my resume--which, by the way, she wrote--acted as a reference, and wouldn't leave until they agreed to hire me, then, yeah, she helped!
But you don't know anything about being a super!
BBob
What's to know? Jake can do it, for crying out loud!
Hey!
BBob
Not to mention it's the deal of a lifetime--good salary, free apartment, and I get to sit on my ass all day and pretend I don't speak English. It's what I was born to do!
This can't be happening.
BBob
Don't worry. Whatever you need, day or night, my door is always open, and thanks to my new passkey, so is yours.
Jake, do you realize what this means?
Yeah, Bob has someplace else to go.
Hey, this could be great for business! I could make a working man's special!
Why don't you make a John Becker special?
Oh, I would, except for who'd buy a sandwich made of crap, bologna and bullsh--
Hey!
S3One Wong Move
[Becker's patient is Richard Hatch, winner of Survivor: Borneo]
[checking his clipboard] Okay, uh, Mr. Hatch. I'm Dr. Becker.
[he and Richard shake hands]
RHRichard Hatch
Hey, Doc. Want me to take my clothes off? 'Cause that's no problem.
Uh, why don't we just talk first.
RHRichard Hatch
Okay.
[checking his clipboard] All right. It says you're here for... stomach distress. Any, uh, recent changes in your diet?
RHRichard Hatch
No, but, uh, several months ago, I was out of the country.
Oh, yeah, I've seen that before. Mexico?
RHRichard Hatch
No, I was on this island. My diet was very exotic. I pretty much existed on stingray, dog food, beetle larvae...
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop. What the hell's wrong with you?
RHRichard Hatch
Hey, some of the other people there ate rats.
Rats? Well, why in the world would anyone do that?
RHRichard Hatch
It was for "Survivor."
"Survivor?"
RHRichard Hatch
You know, the contest? The show? It was on television.
Television? Oh, my God! You know, what is this world coming to? People are eating bugs and rats on a stupid television show? I swear to God! You know, TV has become nothing more than the... the Petri dish where this country grows its idiots! Don't they have better things to do than to debase themselves coast to coast?
RHRichard Hatch
Well, I won.
Oh, yeah, won. Yeah, please. I mean, what could you possibly have won that would make up for your loss of self-respect?
RHRichard Hatch
A million dollars?
Now, h-h-how could I get involved with something like that? Is that something that any... just anybody...
[the scene fades out]
BBob
(about Linda's clothes) Wow, is that a handkerchief? Because Bob feels a sneeze coming on.
S3Smoke 'Em If You Got 'Em
I woke up to the fact that as a healthcare professional, its insane for me to go on smoking.
RRRegina 'Reggie' Kostas
They raise the price of cigarettes again?
Yeah. $4.50 a pack!
Don't try sneaking a smoke, cause I already talked to Margaret and Linda. I have eyes everywhere.
You don't have eyes anywhere.
S3Dr. Angry Head
[Becker is buried up to his neck in fake snow]
KKid
Are you Mr. Angry Head?
That's Doctor Angry Head.
[Bob is furious about not getting any appreciation for being the apartment building's superintendent]
BBob
I'm telling you, if I don't get a tip from one of those lousy tenants soon, I'm shutting off their heat!
That oughta make you real popular!
BBob
Yeah? Screw 'em! I can't guarantee a white Christmas, but for some of those old farts, it's gonna be a blue one!
I didn't know Margaret drank. Then again, she does work for Becker!
S3The Trouble with Harry
BBob
She's on her way to the bottom. And Bob is the Mayor of the bottom!
[After Reggie reveals her plan to have lunch with Sarah's husband]
Reg, you know that after eating, you'll want to stretch your legs, which leads to taking a walk, which leads to your apartment, which leads to sex!
RKRegina "Reggie" Kostas
Fine, maybe I'll just meet him for dessert.
Bad idea; you'll eat too much, which leads to feeling fat, which leads to changing clothes, which leads to sex!
Coffee?
Coffee! Coffee breath, mints, drug store, aisle 12, sex!
RKRegina "Reggie" Kostas
Can we meet for water?
WATER!? Why don't you just do it in the street!?
S3The Princess Cruise
Someday you'll look back on this and laugh.
Maybe I will. But before then, I will kill you. And then I'll use my powers as a physician to bring you back to life. And then, I will kill you again.
S3Pretty Poison
MMegan
John, guess what? I left my husband. After all this time, we can finally be together!
I hate this dream! [slams the door in her face]
BBob
Becker having sex? Nah, I don't see it [slyly] but if I get that new drill, I will!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Becker pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.