Becker · Season 2
The knuckle-dragging boobs of this country have allowed themselves to be led to slaughter by the hideous forces of evil!
Come on, John! You promised me, you promised me you'd stop watching Oprah!
It's not Oprah, not this time- but I got my eye on her! You know that burned out building down the block?
Er, this is the Bronx, John. You're gonna have to be a bit more specific!
Jake, you watch the news last night?
How many times do I have to tell you...
Rhetorical question, stay with me, will you? So they're doing a story about violence in America, and they're interviewing some bloated senator from one of our great trailer park states. Now, does Senator Gomer advocate making guns more difficult to get? No, he blames television. What about all the violence that happened before television? I suppose the Spanish Inquisition came off a bad episode of Gilligan's Island. Oh great, now I'm out of cigarettes, the perfect cherry on this crap sundae of a morning.
Why don't you just quit, John? They're taking years off your life
Yeah, but those are the crusty old fart years where you walk around bitching at the world.
As opposed to this whole high-on-life Gandhi thing you've got going on now?
[on the phone] Look, I need a new motor for my damn freezer! Don't give me excuses; I've got a kitchen full of sour milk, rotten eggs and purple meat! [hangs up] What you having, Becker?
Second thoughts about dining here!
[to Amanda about the diner] Not quite our condo on South Beach.
Not quite a condo on Omaha Beach!
[shaking hands with Amanda] Ooh, you sound tall.
You smell friendly. Why're we talking like this?
I'm blind.
And yet you're still staring at my breasts!
Sorry, creature of habit.
So, anyway, Dr. Becker, I just feel off. Everything hurts.
As I've been saying, Mr. Ehrlich, it's all part of the flu.
I've got chills and a fever. Even my legs are achey,
All part of the flu.
My nose is stuffy, I have no energy.
Part of the flu!
Then there's the sweats, mostly at night.
The flu!
I think that's why they call them night sweats. What caused them?
[shouts] It's the flu! For God's sake, Mr. Ehrlich, what's the matter with you?!
I don't know, I think I caught a bug.
[storms out]
Becker, you know so little about women it's hard to believe you actually came from one!
Hey, that was the best relationship with a woman I ever had! My mother fed me, kept me warm and we didn't have to talk all the time!
Revenge is a big part of your life, isn't it?
You kidding me? It's the best part of waking up!
Don't you have an ounce of romance in your soul?!
What makes you think he even has a soul?!
Oh please, romance is like the cheese in a mousetrap; it's what baits you into position so the metal bar of reality can come snapping down on your neck!
You're just upset because you were unlucky in love.
I was not unlucky in love, I was unlucky in court.
[Linda walks into the diner]
Reggie, hi! Gimme a coffee and a muffin, quick: I have to get to the office before Dr Becker! If I'm even half a second late, the bug up his butt grabs the stick up his butt and beats me with it!
Becker [behind her]: Morning, Linda!
[Becker and Reggie are stuck on a flight to Buffalo, pretending to be married and Becker is being stalked by an amorous flight attendent]
Hey, get your claws off my husband, AND GET ME MY DAMN NUTS!
I want a divorce.
[After learning his ex-girlfriend's family never forwarded his letters to her, leading to their breakup]
My dad: he never liked you after all that stuff you said about Nixon!
Turned out I was right though, wasn't I!? Well, that explains why I never heard back from you...
So all these years, you thought I didn't care?
Nixon! Bastard's dead and he's still screwing me!
Tell me something; what is it about me that makes people think my only purpose on this planet is to help them!?
The letters "M.D." after your name?
[walking in] Jake.
[walking out] Jerk!
[doing a word association test]
Dog.
Leave.
Tree.
Me.
Man.
Alone.
Hey!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Becker pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
