[After talking with John's father, Fred]
RKRegina "Reggie" Kostas
I'm just relieved to know Becker has a father: I was always under the impression he was raised by wolves.
Yeah, really pissy wolves!
S1Becker the Elder
[Fred is in John's apartment, trying to get his son to talk to him and going about it as if it were a sales pitch]
[annoyed] Cut the crap, will you!? I'm not a customer; I'm your son! I don't wanna joke, I don't want a pen! Every few years, you show up and we do this ridiculous little dance! You wanna talk to me, talk to me!
FBFred Becker
What do you want to talk about?
No, no, no, no! This time, we're really gonna talk!...I was eleven years old. Why'd you leave?
FBFred Becker
[solemn] Ok, Johnny. Here it is; your mother and I were completely wrong for each other. All we ever did was argue. It got to the place where I took any kind of a job, just to get out of town. Your mother finally got fed up and...told me to keep going.
I didn't ask you to leave! I didn't argue with you, why didn't you at least come back and see me!?
FBFred Becker
Because your mother asked me not to. [John looks stunned] You didn't know that, did you? And yes, I could've insisted I have a bigger part in your life, but I didn't. I took the easy way out and I regret it.
[shocked] She asked you to---?
FBFred Becker
Don't blame her; she was afraid I'd be a bad influence on you. [chuckles] Back in those days, she wasn't entirely wrong. I was...[pause] I took time to look in on you now and again; I saw one of your high school basketball games and...I was there when you graduated from med school.
I know. I saw you. What was with the lime-green leisure suit?
FBFred Becker
It was the 70's! Give me a break!
S1Larry Spoke
Ah hell, there's that damn meter maid! HEY GRANDMA, GET THE HELL AWAY FROM MY CAR! WHY AREN'T YOU OUT STEALING KETCHUP PACKETS LIKE NORMAL OLD WOMEN!?
[on religion] Religion is supposed to be about people being nice to each other, but frankly, I don't see a lot of that. You know, what I do see is people using the Good Book to say that they're morally superior. I see people building TV stations to bilk Grandma out of her pension cheques, all in the name of God, you know. And how about all those God-fearing people who are killing other God-fearing people because they don't fear God in the same way!?
S1Activate Your Choices
[Watching a TV program]
Oh please! She's no doctor! She's no writer, hell, she's not even a real blonde!
RKRegina "Reggie" Kostas
Come on, Becker! How could you know anything about her!?
She's my ex-wife!
RKRegina "Reggie" Kostas
GET OUT OF HERE! She's your ex-wife? Jake, you gotta see this!
Blind!
BBob
She has the high fashion, uptown look Bob finds very hot.
She'd crush you like a bug!
BBob
You don't know Bob; he's one tough little insect!
You know how it is when you're married; you have those cute little nicknames for each other.
RKRegina "Reggie" Kostas
So what's your name for her?
"Castrating bitch from Hell"!
RKRegina "Reggie" Kostas
Sounds like you're still carrying a torch for her.
Yeah, like the villagers carried one for Frankenstein!
Look partner, she's gonna be fine! Why don't you just call your office? Maybe there's someone who missed getting screwed today!
LLawyer
I really resent that!
Well then my work is done!
SSandra
And you said I wasn't fair to you.
Oh come on, that don't count, he's a lawyer. I actually look forward to the day we can hunt them!
S1Partial Law
Just caught a whiff of something strange from outside. Like a combination of exhaust fumes, hair tonic and really cheap cologne!
[Bob walks in]
BBob
Hello, wage slaves! Bob's back!
That explains it!
BBob
Long time no see! Kinda your life story, eh?
Times like this, I don't mind!
Have you ever been robbed?
Oh please, I have lived in New York my whole life. I was held up on Prom Night...by my date!
S1Saving Harvey Cohen
BBob
Hey, Doc!
Hey, dork!
[to Margaret while looking at travel brochures] What were you thinking?
[slaps brochures on counter]
Too hot. Too cold. Too stupid. Mexico? What's the point? In a few weeks, they'll all be up here.
[After Jake inadvertantly reveals an erotic dream involving him and Reggie]
RRRegina 'Reggie' Kostas
OH, GIVE ME A BREAK!
Oh God! Thanks a lot, John!
[chuckling] Couldn't resist!
RRRegina 'Reggie' Kostas
What is it with guys and tearing clothes off!? Don't you ever dream of unbuttoning clothes and neatly folding them over a chair?
Look Reg, I'm really sorry. It was just a dream!
RRRegina 'Reggie' Kostas
Ah, no big deal. But do me a favour: next time you have a dream about us, can it be somewhere exotic? Even in your dreams, I can't get out of this lousy diner!
HCDr. Harvey Cohen
By the way, what's the cat's name?
It doesn't have a name.
HCDr. Harvey Cohen
You must love him very much.
Fine! Put down Harvey Cohen.
HCDr. Harvey Cohen
You're naming the cat after me?
Why not? It'll be easy for you to give up on a Muffin or Mittens, but you might have to think twice before you pull the plug on Harvey Cohen.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Becker pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.