Becker · Season 1
[Linda wants to rename the exam rooms A, B and C and put the patients in them according to the letter of their ailment]
There are three exams rooms, that's only A, B and C. What if someone comes in with, oh, I don't know, "M" for "migraine"?
Headache, "A" for ache.
Pregnancy?
Dr. John Becker': "B" for baby.
X-ray?
"C" for see-through.
(after he introduces two old patients to each other)
Just call me Dr. Becker, the geriatric pimp.
[talking to a pregnant patient] Okay, Mrs. Capelos, you're gonna be just fine. In a couple of weeks, you're gonna be flat on your back with your legs in the air, screaming like a banshee. [after she leaves, under his breath] Pretty much what put you in that condition in the first place!
[Becker opens his door to two Jehovah's Witnesses]
Hello, sir. Have you given any thought to the afterlife?
Depends. Are you two gonna be there?
Why yes- [Becker slams the door]'
[to an elderly woman] Come on, lady! I've seen continents drift faster than this!
I'd love to set you straight, but I gotta go heal the sick!
Do you really heal the sick or do you just harangue the disease out of the person like an exorcism?
[about Becker] Oh I hate it when he's like that!
Smug?
No, breathing!
Look, Jake, not that I don't enjoy this sucking up, but if you want the hockey ticket, you're gonna have to do better than this; after all, there are other men in my life! [Bob walks in]
Hello, losers! That's right, Bob's back! [Reggie rolls her eyes]
I've got to get a bug-zapper in here!
Notice anything different about Bob?
[indifferent] You shed a layer of skin!?
You're closer than you think. Bob had a makeover; I've been loofahed, polished, waxed and buffed to a high sheen! I've had a facial, and for the first time in the salon's history, a back-al! I'll show you later!
Thank God I'm blind!
[coming into Becker's apartment] Did you know it smells like cabbage out there!?
Yeah, it's the old couple at the end of the hallway. Either they cook sauerkraut every night, or they've been dead since Tuesday!
[repeated line when someone knocks on his door] If this is about my car blocking your space, I'm not moving! If this is about my laundry in all of the machines, it's not moving!
[shouting at a Chinese takeaway worker] Hey, how many times I gotta tell you?! Quit sliding menus under my door! Look, I've eaten in this crappy restaurant! And don't think I don't know what's going on down there too! I've seen that dumpster full of dog collars!
Valentine's Day: the shallowest, greediest exploitation of emotion since my second marriage!
The only person who ever celebrated this day right was Al Capone.
You know Becker, I hate Valentine's Day too.
Woah! You and I agree on something?
I know, it scares me too! But you're right; all the pressure- 'Will I get a date?', 'Won't I get a date?', 'Gotta get a date', 'Didn't get a date'- who needs it?
Congratulations John, you just claimed another soul!
Kiss my ass!
Certainly not the most romantic invitation I've ever gotten. Oddly enough, not the least either.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Becker pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
