TV show quotes
[After Becker, under doctor's orders to eat more healthily, orders a fruit salad at the diner]
[confused] Fruit!? You don't eat fruit, you hate fruit!
Look, you don't want my business, there are plenty of places that'll give me fruit without an argument!
Sorry! I'm just so used to you eating wrong.
Of course I eat wrong; I eat here!
Bob knows what you're trying to do; you're trying to make him look bad in front of Reggie. Well, it won't work; she aches for me!
[coldly] Bob, you turn my stomach!
[undeterred] That's an ache.
Well, I went to my first anger class and it worked... I'm pissed as hell. I'm in a room with a bunch of psychos, they hand out pamphlets and get this: Its an anger symptom early warning device.
Its a rubber band.
Oh! College girl! Anyway, I'm supposed to snap it every time I feel angry.
Doesn't that hurt?
Yes.
Won't that make you more angry?
Shut up.
Behavior modification works very well to help break behavioral patterns.
Yeah, look Reg, a couple of classes at the institute of psychology and air conditioner repair doesn't qualify you to pepper me with dime-store generalities.
[Becker storms into the diner]
Well it's official, they finally turned New York into a police state! I'm driving to work, and like I do every morning when I get to the corner of White Plains Road and Lester Avenue, I turn right- and I know it's a one way street but I only go twenty five yards before I take a shortcut down this alley! Today, some idiot of a cop is lying in wait for me, and he tickets me for an illegal urn, broken tailight, no seatbelt, and oh yeah, no rear-view mirror! I'M GOING THE WRONG WAY DOWN A ONE-WAY STREET, THERE'S NOTHING BEHIND ME!
[After Becker invites her into his apartment in his underpants] Either I'm early or this is a different kind of party!
[Linda stands up with a post-it note stuck on her forehead]
I had a message for Margaret but I can't find it.
Was it to tell her Mrs. Cooper called?
Wow, it's like you read my mind.
Some are easier than others.
[Becker walks away and Margaret comes in]
I have a message for you.
Was it to tell me Mrs. Cooper called?
Wow, you people are freakin' scary.
[Linda goes in the back]
I won't tell her if you won't tell her.
Uh-Linda?
Yes?
I meant Linda.
Yes?
You're both named Linda?
Yes.
I just had that creepy feeling I had in medical school watching the cell divide.
She can help out. She can do half my work.
Doing half your work is what you do.
Of all the things we needed around here, another Linda was not one of them.
Just for today, you are Beth.
I don't like the name Beth.
I do, can I be Beth?
I want to be Beth too.
You can't both be Beth.
Why? We're both Linda.
Let's pick our own names.
I want to be Margaret.
No, I want to be Margaret.
I want to be dead.
Doesn't what she did piss you off?
Yeah, it just doesn't surprise me because I happen to feel that most people are cruel, small-minded and shallow.
Oh, come on, Becker, if I believed that then I'd have to believe that the entire world just sucks.
Thank you! That's what I've been trying to tell you every single morning for the past two years! Thank you.
I was born and raised in New York, and I've never been to the top of the Empire State Building!
Really? I was conceived up here! Well, acually it was in the elevator.
[incredulous] Your parents did it in the elevator!?
Well they weren't going to do it on the stairs, they're not animals!
You had motive, you had opportunity, and let's not forget yesterday you said you wanted to kill him.
If I was capable of killing someone would you still be alive?
[Becker walks into the back]
[to Margaret] He didn't do it.
What's the matter with you people? I didn't kill that guy.
[coming out of phone booth] Hey, Becker, you know that guy you killed? I just got his job.
I didn't kill anybody, Bob! What'd you just say?
I'm your new super.
But Alexei just died this morning. How could you even know about the job?
I owe it all to Linda.
Linda helped you? My Linda?
If, by "help", you mean left your office as soon as she heard the old super croaked, ran to your building, gave them my resume--which, by the way, she wrote--acted as a reference, and wouldn't leave until they agreed to hire me, then, yeah, she helped!
But you don't know anything about being a super!
What's to know? Jake can do it, for crying out loud!
Hey!
Not to mention it's the deal of a lifetime--good salary, free apartment, and I get to sit on my ass all day and pretend I don't speak English. It's what I was born to do!
This can't be happening.
Don't worry. Whatever you need, day or night, my door is always open, and thanks to my new passkey, so is yours.
Jake, do you realize what this means?
Yeah, Bob has someplace else to go.
Hey, this could be great for business! I could make a working man's special!
Why don't you make a John Becker special?
Oh, I would, except for who'd buy a sandwich made of crap, bologna and bullsh--
Hey!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Becker pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
