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Becker quotes

252 quotes · page 11 of 17

Becker
All S1 S2 S3 S4 S5 S6

S3One Wong Move

[Becker's patient is Richard Hatch, winner of Survivor: Borneo]

[checking his clipboard] Okay, uh, Mr. Hatch. I'm Dr. Becker.

[he and Richard shake hands]

RHRichard Hatch

Hey, Doc. Want me to take my clothes off? 'Cause that's no problem.

Uh, why don't we just talk first.

RHRichard Hatch

Okay.

[checking his clipboard] All right. It says you're here for... stomach distress. Any, uh, recent changes in your diet?

RHRichard Hatch

No, but, uh, several months ago, I was out of the country.

Oh, yeah, I've seen that before. Mexico?

RHRichard Hatch

No, I was on this island. My diet was very exotic. I pretty much existed on stingray, dog food, beetle larvae...

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop. What the hell's wrong with you?

RHRichard Hatch

Hey, some of the other people there ate rats.

Rats? Well, why in the world would anyone do that?

RHRichard Hatch

It was for "Survivor."

"Survivor?"

RHRichard Hatch

You know, the contest? The show? It was on television.

Television? Oh, my God! You know, what is this world coming to? People are eating bugs and rats on a stupid television show? I swear to God! You know, TV has become nothing more than the... the Petri dish where this country grows its idiots! Don't they have better things to do than to debase themselves coast to coast?

RHRichard Hatch

Well, I won.

Oh, yeah, won. Yeah, please. I mean, what could you possibly have won that would make up for your loss of self-respect?

RHRichard Hatch

A million dollars?

Now, h-h-how could I get involved with something like that? Is that something that any... just anybody...

[the scene fades out]

(about Linda's clothes) Wow, is that a handkerchief? Because Bob feels a sneeze coming on.

S3Smoke 'Em If You Got 'Em

I woke up to the fact that as a healthcare professional, its insane for me to go on smoking.

RRRegina 'Reggie' Kostas

They raise the price of cigarettes again?

Yeah. $4.50 a pack!

Don't try sneaking a smoke, cause I already talked to Margaret and Linda. I have eyes everywhere.

You don't have eyes anywhere.

S3Dr. Angry Head

[Bob is furious about not getting any appreciation for being the apartment building's superintendent]

I'm telling you, if I don't get a tip from one of those lousy tenants soon, I'm shutting off their heat!

That oughta make you real popular!

Yeah? Screw 'em! I can't guarantee a white Christmas, but for some of those old farts, it's gonna be a blue one!

S3The Trouble with Harry

She's on her way to the bottom. And Bob is the Mayor of the bottom!

[After Reggie reveals her plan to have lunch with Sarah's husband]

Reg, you know that after eating, you'll want to stretch your legs, which leads to taking a walk, which leads to your apartment, which leads to sex!

RKRegina "Reggie" Kostas

Fine, maybe I'll just meet him for dessert.

Bad idea; you'll eat too much, which leads to feeling fat, which leads to changing clothes, which leads to sex!

Coffee! Coffee breath, mints, drug store, aisle 12, sex!

RKRegina "Reggie" Kostas

Can we meet for water?

WATER!? Why don't you just do it in the street!?

S3The Princess Cruise

Someday you'll look back on this and laugh.

Maybe I will. But before then, I will kill you. And then I'll use my powers as a physician to bring you back to life. And then, I will kill you again.

S3Pretty Poison

MMegan

John, guess what? I left my husband. After all this time, we can finally be together!

I hate this dream! [slams the door in her face]

Becker having sex? Nah, I don't see it [slyly] but if I get that new drill, I will!

S3The Ugly Truth

[After learning he has been taped for Reggie's psychology class]

You know what kind of person tapes another person!? NIXON!

S3The More You Know

[Anita walks out of Becker's bathroom]

Wait a minute, you're with him!? If your self-esteem is that low, maybe you and I should talk!

[Anita knocks at Becker's door]

John, I'm sorry. Can I use your bathroom to put my makeup on?

Yeah, I guess. Why?

The lights in my apartment shorted out again, and speaking of short, have you seen Bob anywhere? I've been after him for days to fix them, and I'm ready to kill him.

Yeah, well just don't kill him before he fixes my refrigerator.

These quotes come from Wikiquote's Becker pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.