Smart Beavis quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Butt-head

He's wearing leather pants so you can see his wiener.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah.

Butt-head

This is a very gay tune.

Beavis

Yeah. You mean, like, happy.

Butt-head

Yeah.

Beavis

Hey, it's Debbie Gibson.

Butt-head

Yeah.

I'm a man...

Butt-head

You're a man? No way!

Beavis

He's not even a boy.

Butt-head

He's Boy George. This video needs some, like, car accidents.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah, with lots of fire. Then it would be cool.

Butt-head

Hey, Beavis. Is this supposed to be, like, in the future?

Beavis

Yeah. The future sucks. Change it.

Butt-head

I'm pretty cool, Beavis, but I can't change the future. [changes channel]

Butt-head

Whoa! There's like, a bunch of water falling down.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah, and some mud!

Butt-head

Uhh...yeah. A chick in the rain.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah. And a dog.

Butt-head

I guess that's pretty cool.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah. Water, water, WATER! WATER!

Beavis

That chick needs a raincoat.

Butt-head

Yeah. Hey, Beavis. Do you like, uh...have a raincoat?

Beavis

Yeah.

Butt-head

Uh...when was the last time you used it?

Beavis

Last night! On your mom!

Butt-head

Dammit, Beavis! [he and Beavis start fighting]

Beavis

Hey, Butt-head. You know how like when it rains, like on the street and like, all of those worms come out and you step on them and they go pizzzhhhfff!

Butt-head

Yeah. Mud is cool.

Beavis

Mud rules. How come these guys are like playing out in the mud?

Butt-head

Err... Well, it's either because they're really stupid or really cool.

Butt-head

What's this a commercial for?

Beavis

This is that deodorant commercial.

Butt-head

Yeah. That's 'cause this guy stinks!

Beavis

Yeah! And he sucks, too!

Beavis

Hey, Butt-head. Is this dude on some soap opera?

Butt-head

Yeah. He's on "As the World Sucks."

Butt-head

This video should have a warning label. "Parental Advisory: What you are about to see sucks."

Beavis

Yeah, yeah. It sucks! Let's see if we can find a video that, like, doesn't suck.

Butt-head

Dammit! If this is Bon Jovi, I'm gonna-- [the two see a silhouette of a curvy woman in a window taking her clothes off] Whoa!

Beavis

Yeah! Her back's all bent out of shape! What's wrong?

Butt-head

Beavis. You butthole. When you see a chick in a window like that...

Beavis

Yeah.

Butt-head

...and she's got her back bent out of shape, that means she's hot!

Beavis

I don't know, Butt-head. I think she was, like, injured.

Butt-head

Well, whatever it was, it gave me a stiffy.

Beavis

Oh yeah.

Butt-head

Hey, Beavis. I thought you called the cable company and told 'em to quit playing this crap.

Beavis

Um, oh yeah, I did, but then like, when the guy answered, I said, "Excuse me, do you have 12-pound balls?" And then I hung up!

Butt-head

Oh yeah!

Beavis

It was cool.

Butt-head

Yeah.

Butt-head

Oh, man! This part sucks!

Beavis

Yeah. This song was cool 'til they started getting all wimpy.

Butt-head

For such a big, muscular dude, he sure sings like a wuss.

Beavis

Yeah.

Butt-head

Rock! Rock, dude!

Butt-head

Is this that Madonna video where she gets naked in front of that little kid?

Beavis

Yeah. [sees Terence Trent D'Arby] That's not Madonna.

Butt-head

Yeah.

But she kissed me, and she put it there.

Butt-head

She kissed him where?

Beavis

Down there.

Butt-head

Hey, Beavis. Have you ever had a chick kiss you there?

Beavis

Where?

Butt-head

Uh...anywhere.

Beavis

Um...yeah.

Butt-head

Oh yeah?

Beavis

Yeah.

Butt-head

Liar.

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head!

Butt-head

That would be cool if girls just did what you wanted 'em to.

Beavis

Yeah. Maybe we could make 'em, like, come over and mow the lawn and do all your chores and stuff.

Butt-head

Oh yeah? How old are you, Beavis?