Smart Butt-head quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Butt-head

Is this that Madonna video where she gets naked in front of that little kid?

Beavis

Yeah. [sees Terence Trent D'Arby] That's not Madonna.

Butt-head

Yeah.

But she kissed me, and she put it there.

Butt-head

She kissed him where?

Beavis

Down there.

Butt-head

Hey, Beavis. Have you ever had a chick kiss you there?

Beavis

Where?

Butt-head

Uh...anywhere.

Beavis

Um...yeah.

Butt-head

Oh yeah?

Beavis

Yeah.

Butt-head

Liar.

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head!

Butt-head

That would be cool if girls just did what you wanted 'em to.

Beavis

Yeah. Maybe we could make 'em, like, come over and mow the lawn and do all your chores and stuff.

Butt-head

Oh yeah? How old are you, Beavis?

Butt-head

This video is complicated.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah. I mean, I like the boobs and the butts and stuff, but it just seems like it needs some accidents and some blood!

Butt-head

Yeah.

Beavis

Yeah.

Butt-head

Something's wrong with these guys.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah. It's like, they're not trying very hard.

Butt-head

Yeah. And they're making lots of mistakes.

Beavis

Yeah.

Beavis

I bet I could take this guy in a fight.

Butt-head

Yeah!

Beavis

I could kick his butt!

Butt-head

This is the only guy that's ever been in a video that you could kick his ass.

Beavis

No way, Butt-head. I could kick Vince Neil's ass, too.

Butt-head

Okay, Beavis.

Butt-head

A real punk rock girl would eat this guy alive.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah! She'd spit out his brains! Yes!

Butt-head

Yeah!

Butt-head

[scoffs] Hippies.

Beavis

Yeah.

Butt-head

What are they doing?

Beavis

Yeah. This is college music.

Butt-head

This is musical masturbation.

Beavis

Yeah. Cool!

Butt-head

Hey, Beavis. What do you listen to when you, uh...you know, uh...

Beavis

I like to put on "Push the little daisies and make 'em come up!"

Butt-head

Okay.

Butt-head

Hey, Beavis. How come there's so many monkeys in videos?

Beavis

Yeah. Dogs are cool.

Butt-head

Okay.

Beavis

Hey, Butt-head. This sucks, huh?

Butt-head

It sure does, Beavis.

Beavis

Yeah.

Now I'm something like a phenomenon…

Beavis

Phenomenon. Phenomenon, AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! I'm something like a phenomenon.

Butt-head

It's not very cool when you do it, Beavis.

Beavis

Oh, sorry man. Phenomenon, Phenomenon. Phenomenon.

Butt-head

Shut up!

Butt-head

Is that girl like in the band?

Beavis

Umm. I don't know. It's like she's hanging out with the boys but it's like, you know, she's there just to catch a... Whoa, look at that butt!

Butt-head

Yeah.

Beavis

Oh my God! Ah!

Butt-head

that was quite a butt.

Beavis

Yeah, Yeah. That's something, right there.

Beavis

Hey, Butt-head, we should get one of those big tubs and like... and then we could like, have some chicks over, you know, and then like they could be in bikinis... Whoa! Look they're beating up a white guy!

Butt-head

Err... I think he just tripped.

Beavis

Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Beavis

[about a man in the background with a bathrobe on] Look at that guy back there. [man opens his robe as a upside down woman's legs go by] WHOA, HE JUST SHOWED HIS NADS!

Butt-head

Beavis, if you hadn't been looking at that guy's nads, you might have seen that chick's butt that was upside down at the bottom.

Beavis

Where was the butt?

Butt-head

It was right next to her legs.

Beavis

Really? Dammit, I always do that!

Butt-head

Well. This sucks.

Beavis

Yeah yeah, this sucks! Look at that. That guy, that guy with the pin in cheek, you know, you know, the guy with the boner? It's like, it's like, he's bored, and he's in the video!

Butt-head

Yeah.