[At the Christmas with the Joker show]
Rumor has it, Christmas is a time to share with family.
And since I don't have one of my own...
And here they are: The Awful Lawful Family! [lights turn on and reveal Gordon, Summer, and Bullock tied up and gagged] Aren't they just the cutest family you've ever seen?
[watching in the Batmobile] It's never easy with the Joker.
Meet Daddy Lawful! [ungags Gordon]
You diseased maniac! I'll- [Joker gags him again]
Hmm. Looks like I'll have to teach Daddy some manners. And here's Mommy Lawful! [ungags Summer]
SGSummer Gleason
Help! Somebody please help us- [Joker gags her again]
Ho ho ho, isn't she jolly? And here we have little Baby Lawful! Coochie coochie coo! [ungags Bullock]
When I get my hands on you, I'll rip your- [Joker gags him again]
I'll bet Batman wishes he had a family just like mine. Personally I think relatives are a bore, so Batman can have them... [points to clock showing 10:30PM] if he can find them by midnight! Otherwise... [makes a throat-slashing motion and laughs]
SGSummer Gleason
[on TV, reporting about the Mayor's missing son] The Mayor declined, however, to confirm that his son Jordan was missing.
It's me, Jekko. I ran away.
I want to be a magician, like you.
Why, you... [laughs] Well, kid, you got step one right. Come on in. I've been thinking about a protege.
[Mr. Freeze raids the award ceremony and confronts Ferris Boyle, who is receiving a humanitarian award]
The cold eyes of vengeance are upon you, Boyle.
FBFerris Boyle
Who...who are you?!
Come, now. Surely you remember your old colleague... Victor Fries?
[Mr. Freeze aims and fires his freezing gun at Boyle's feet, ice slowly covering up his legs to his waist]
BBoyle
NO! No...! Stop... please... I... b-beg you! [Mr. Freeze stops his freezing gun]
You... beg? In my nightmares I see my Nora behind the glass, begging to me with frozen eyes. How I've longed to see that look frozen on you.
[Batman batarangs Mr Freeze's cryo-gun and attacks him. Mr Freeze overpowers Batman and throws him off]
The advanced circuitry that powers my suit also triples my strength. [engages Batman, and lifts him off the ground] Sooner or later, all who stand in my way must feel the icy touch of death!
[Mr. Freeze is about to kill Batman, but collapses when Batman smashes his glass helmet with a thermos full of chicken soup given to him by Alfred earlier]
Summer Gleeson[walks next to Batman] Ooh...! What was that stuff?
The only way to fight a cold.
[as his suit falters] It can't end this way... vengeance...!
No, justice. A year ago, Ferris Boyle interrupted an experiment, and in the process destroyed two lives. [gives Summer Gleeson the tape he found] Here's the evidence. [to Boyle] Good night, humanitarian. [walks off]
LFLucius Fox
I'm just glad to know it wasn't really Bruce Wayne who attacked me.
Summer Gleeson
Thank you, Mr. Fox. All charges against Wayne have, of course, been dropped. And Roland Daggett remains in custody.
[as Alfred turns off the TV, Batman is experimenting with a piece of Clayface's clay]
My word, sir. I should think after all this, it would time to rest.
Look. A piece of clay left behind when they took Hagan's body away. Watch. [zaps the clay with electricity, causing it to morph into multiple shapes]
Electricity has no effect on it?
Exactly. [scene changes to a morgue where a doctor uncovers Clayface's body; voice-over] I wouldn't be surprised if the body they took to the morgue was only a shell [Clayface's body cracks and crumbles into little pieces] Don't forget, first and foremost, Hagan was an actor. [scene changes to Teddy outside the hospital] He said it himself, Alfred. He called it a scene. Maybe the greatest scene in his career.
[sadly] See you 'round, Matt. [walks away]
A death scene so real... it fooled us all.
[a woman laughs as her voice grows deeper and her eyes turn yellow, revealing her to be a disguised Clayface]
CKCameron Kaiser
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...the Joker's Wild!
[Cameron Kaiser cuts the ribbon and unveils a casino with a gigantic Joker head. He is seen spoken to by Summer Gleeson]
Summer Gleeson
Ugh, that is disgusting.
CCameraman
Psst, Summer. We're on the air.
Summer Gleeson
' Oh Uh... there you have it. Let's get a reaction from the guests. Mr. Wayne?
Summer Gleeson
Mr. Kaiser, why build a casino seemingly in honor of one of history's most notorious outlaws?
CKCameron Kaiser
Summer, please. Wild Joker is a classic symbol, long associated with cards and games. I can't help it if there's a some passing resemblance to some criminal fruitcake.
[Joker smashes the television]
How dare that smug, preening fool try to cash in on MY image!
Now who should lighten up?
Don't get cute with me, Red. He's ripping me off! I'll protest! Yeah! I'll sue! Then I'll rip his lungs out! And I will, too!
[At Wayne Manor, Summer Gleeson is on the telephone talking to Marv Wolfman at her office.]
Summer Gleeson
I don't care what Mayor Hill says. The people have a right to know, and if he won't talk to us-- [Batman drops a photo of Baby-Doll onto her desk] I'll call you back, Marv. [to Batman and Robin] Since when are you interested in has-been actors?
Since that one's been kidnapping her co-stars.
Summer Gleeson
You're serious?
She's been picking them off, one by one. Any reason she'd have a grudge?
Summer Gleeson
Actually, they should hate her. Dahl put them all out of work when she quit the series to become a "dramatic" actress.
[Summer plays a video of Mary Dahl playing Lady Macbeth]
MDMary Dahl
What, will these hands never be clean? Here's the smell of the blood still. All the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand.
Summer Gleeson
That's what the critics said. Baby's dramatic career flopped, and when she tried to start her TV show again, the networks turned her down.
That still doesn't explain why she's after her old cast.
[picks up a cassette] Maybe there's a clue in these old episodes.
Summer Gleeson
You can borrow them if you want. And when you crack the case, you can pay me back with an exclusive... [turns to see that they have vanished] interview.
Batman: The Animated Series · 277 quotes
