Penguin quotes from Batman: The Animated Series

Penguin

Be-fowled by a couple of fledgelings!

Penguin

Gentlemen - and I use the term loosely - after you.

Penguin

Eurgh, how bourgeois. Tearing this place apart could only improve it. Let the egg hunt begin.

Penguin

[reading one] "1 BAT 4U"? [breaks it in anger]

Two-Face

$500,000

Penguin

Poof. Chicken feed. I'll bet a million.

Two-Face

TWO Million.

I have two million. Do I hear three?

Joker

Hold it, hold it, HOLD IT!

Two-Face

Get outta my face, clown.

Joker

Which one?

Penguin

Gentlemen, it behooves us not to fight amongst ourselves.

Joker

Well put, sardine breath. I think we should pool our resources on this. $51,240,685. [gets out a little coin purse, and pours out some coins] And uh, 53 cents.

Sold!

Joker

I want a nice clean game, gentlemen.

Penguin

That'll be a first. So, I hear 'you-know-who' nailed the Mad Hatter last week.

Joker

No kidding. He sure gets around for one guy.

Two-Face

Yeah, well that's where you're wrong. I don't think it IS one guy.

Killer Croc

Huh?

Two-Face

The way I figure it, Gordon's got a bunch of 'em stashed someplace like a SWAT team. He wants you to think it's one guy, but-

Joker

Meh. You're always seeing double.

Penguin

It's obvious our mutual adversary suffered some crime-related trauma when he was younger. Perhaps an over-anxious mugger blew off a piece of his face.

Joker

Sure! He could be all gross and disgusting under that mask! [as Two-Face crushes a milk carton] Uh, no offense, Harv.

Two-Face

Just deal.

Killer Croc

Well, ya know what I think?

Joker

Not the robot theory again...

Killer Croc

Well, he COULD be.

Two-Face

Poison Ivy...

Poison Ivy

It's been a long time Harvey. You're still looking...halfway decent.

Two-Face

Half of me wants to strangle ya.

Poison Ivy

And what's the other part want?

Two-Face

To hit you with a truck!

Poison Ivy

[to the others] We used to date.

Ah.

Penguin

Say, who's there? Two-Face? Croc? Joker, old shoe?

Batman

None of the above, Penguin.

Penguin

Oh no, not you...

Batman

Get used to it. Wherever you go, I'll be right behind you.

Penguin

Precisely where you belong. But you needn't bother. Haven't you heard? I've reformed. Paid my debt to society, and all that.

Batman

We'll see. I just came to tell you to keep your beak clean.

Batman

I knew you couldn't stay clean for more than one day.

Veronica

Let him go! He didn't do anything. It was those brutes!

Batman

He wasn't with them?

Penguin

That's right, you vulgar vigilante! In my day, I associated with a much higher class of riff-raff!

Veronica

I'm so sorry, Ozzie.

Penguin

As long as you weren't bruised, my peach. [kisses her hand]

Batman

"Peach"?

Penguin

Why don't you be a good masked man and ride off into the night? This time, I'll clean up after you.

Veronica

Please, Oswald! If it's money you want, I can get you more!

Penguin

SHUT UP! All I wanted from you, dearie, was a little friendship. That would have cost you nothing. But now you'll pay!

Veronica

Oswald? I really was growing fond of you. It's too bad this had to happen.

Penguin

I suppose it's true what they say: society is to blame. High society.

The Penguin

[furious at his men for stealing the wrong stamps by mistake] These are terrible! Terrible!

Come on, boss. Give me a break. We got you the stamps. What more do you want?

The Penguin

[tossing the worthless stamps] I wanted the rare ones! The reversed Audubons! These aren't worth enough to pay for the repairs to the limousine.

Penguin

Your aim appears to be a little off today, Batman. I don't think you could hit the broad side of a barn, let alone the broad side of this bird! You're blind as a bat. Sightless and helpless.

Batman

You've got one right.

Penguin

[contacting Mayor Hill's office from the Raven] Quite a machine, this Raven. Amazing what its communications equipment can do. Don't you agree? You've received my instructions?

Mayor Hill

They arrived by messenger this morning. You know, one-hundred million is a a lot of money. It'll take time to raise that much.

Penguin

You're stalling, Hill. Obviously, you're not taking me seriously. I've warned you not to make that mistake. Apparently, I'll have to show you why.

Penguin

And what might you be doing out there? Catching insects for dinner?

Batman

I'm looking for Two-Face.

Penguin

What, did you lose him? [chuckles]

Batman

Somebody kidnapped him from Gotham Central tonight. You and he had a disagreement sometime ago, didn't you?

Penguin

It's true. Harvey stole a rare avis right out from under my beak several months ago. A jewel-encrusted statuette of a two-headed roc. It was worth millions. But, my dear rodent, I'd never kidnap a fellow rogue out of his sickbed. It just isn't done.

Batman

Honour among thieves?

Penguin

Absolutely. If I were going to attack Harvey, I'd do it face to face... to face, heh, so to speak. Like THIS! [laughs and unleashes his birds on Batman]