Batman quotes from Batman: The Animated Series

[sees the damaged Batmobile] You been letting the kid drive again?

Robin

Ha ha. Actually we were playing chicken with a penguin.

Batman

Or three of his men.

Penguin

Your aim appears to be a little off today, Batman. I don't think you could hit the broad side of a barn, let alone the broad side of this bird! You're blind as a bat. Sightless and helpless.

Batman

You've got one right.

Mayor Hill

Just what I was afraid of. According to the controller's office, we can't come close to putting that ransom together. Not without shutting down basic municipal services.

Detective Bullock

So what other options do we got?

Batman

[emerging from the shadows] None, gentlemen. Which is why you're going to do exactly what the Penguin wants you to.

Look at it, detective. One of the last of the rainforests. The world depends upon its oxygen, yet the rich see only profit in its destruction. You, who belong to the overclass, have much to answer for.

Batman

Bruce Wayne donates millions of dollars a year to preserve these forests.

Which are being depleted at the rate of 120,000 acres a day. Does your money solve this problem? No! It will take more than wealth. It will take power, and I fear, ruthlessness. Humankind must be forced to serve the planet instead of its own appetites.

Batman

And you're the one who'll do the forcing?

I am... qualified, yes. But I may not have sufficient lifetimes left to me.

Infidel!

Batman

If you only knew how sick I am of you calling me that.

The material of the Pit is an unknown chemical stew that bubbles to the Earth's surface only in certain key places. Even now, my people are placing bombs, such as that one, over the various Lazarus Pits around the world. These bombs are electronically linked to a private satellite already in Earth orbit.

Batman

Orpheus.

Precisely. And at the moment when sun and moon are in proper alignment to cause the greatest upheaval in Earth's geomagnetic field, I shall send a signal to that satellite, beginning a countdown. Five minutes thereafter, one bomb will be lowered deep into the heart of each Pit. The satellite will in turn relay a microwave signal that will detonate all the bombs simultaneously. The multiple explosions will result in a global chain reaction. All the Lazarus Pits throughout the world will overflow. The globe will be saturated with their chemical solution, and when the resultant cataclysm has abated, there will come a blessed peace, and this poor, defiled planet shall find itself restored to its former pristine glory.

Batman

But that will cost countless lives!

Actually, Detective, we have counted: Two billion, fifty-six million, nine hundred and eighty-six thousand! A most impressive plan, would you not agree?

Batman

Yes... I can see it clearly now for the first time. You are completely out of your mind.

Begone, Lord Hades. Get thee back to thine own realm. Do not come again to Olympus until bidden!

Batman

I think I get the message.

[telling Batman about Zeus] He wasn't always this way, you know. But then business got bad and he started handling cargo for the mob. After a while, with the pressure, the tension... things got confused. He's not living in the real world anymore. Maybe you can relate to that?

Batman

[after a short silence] You're the only one who can get me close enough to help him - while some of the man you knew still exists.

Batman

How do you think I found this place? The phone book? I had help. Inside help.

Scarface

My premonition! I knew I was right! Which one of you louses is it?!

It ain't me boss!

Scarface

I know it ain't you, Rhino! You're too stupid to be a traitor!

Thanks, boss.

Scarface

But whoever it is, they're gonna pay big time! Who is it?! You don't talk, you get the ultimate massage!

Batman

And if I tell?

Scarface

Maybe you just get run over by a truck.

Batman

Tempting, but no.

Scarface

Have it your way. Rhino!

Batman

Hold it!

Scarface

This is gettin' old, Bats. Last chance, who's the traitor?

Batman

Him! The Ventriloquist!

Ventriloquist

No, no! He's lying! I told you when he came into my room!

Scarface

So what? Maybe you did 'cause I had ya cornered. Heard ya talkin' to Batman.

Batman

[uses his own ventriloquism to imitate the Ventriloquist] Shut up, you blockhead!

Scarface

WHAT DID YOU SAY?!

Ventriloquist

It wasn't me! I didn't say that! My lips didn't move!

Scarface

So what?! You're a ventriloquist! You're also a lyin' yellow liver-bellied two-face!

Ventriloquist

No, Scarface! I'm loyal! I'd never!

Batman

He's been feeding me information, in return for legal protection. [imitates the Ventriloquist again] You're going up the river, sawdust-for-brains!

Scarface

Why, I oughta...! Waste the floor-flusher! Come on, I gave an order! ICE HIM! DO IT! DO IT NOW!

But, boss, we ventilate the Ventriloquist, your, y'know...

Scarface

I'M SURROUNDED BY TRAITORS! Okay, fine. Ya want something done right, do it yourself! [aims his gun at the Ventriloquist]

Batman

Calm down, I won't hurt you. I'm just looking for someone: half man, half crocodile. [Goliath looks over worriedly] He's in there, isn't he?

[Pushes Batman to the cage] No! Stay away! [Holds him against it] He's one of us. Croc, run!

Batman

[Kicks Goliath into the stomach] I don't wanna hurt you.

Don't worry, you won't. [Hits Batman with the big punch and Batman and Goliath starts fighting]

Killer Croc

[Comes out of the house] You. [Gives Batman a spear]

Billy

Richard, help!

Quickly, quickly! [Opens the cage] In there.

Killer Croc

Ha! Who's the freak now, Bats?

Billy

Who is he?

Killer Croc

A nutcase in a mask, he's the one who put me in the tank.

Batman

Don't listen to him. His name's Killer Croc, he's dangerous.

Killer Croc

[Bangs hard on Batman] QUIET! Don't think you're gonna fool my friends, do ya? They know my story, I'm one of them.

Yes. And his chains speaks more eloquently than any words of yours.

Batman

Listen to me, he's an escaped convict a cold-blooded killer.

Killer Croc

[Shoves Batman to the cage wall] I said shut up!

What he said, it's not true, is it? You're being square with us, aren't you, Croc?

Killer Croc

'Course I am. I ain't the one attacked big boy in his sleep, am I?

Billy

What are we gonna do?

Killer Croc

Get rid of him. [Walks to the farm house wall]

What do you mean?

Killer Croc

[Grabs a pitch fork to kill Batman] If he gets loose, he'll bring em' all down on us. No one safe, the bat's gotta go.

Killer Croc

It's your last hunt, Bats, and now you're the prey. [Threatens Batman to kill him with a pitch fork] Hahahahahaha...

Billy the Seal Boy

[Holds Croc on his leg] Croc, no! Don't do this.

You can't! It's not right.

Killer Croc

I can and I will! [Continues to threat Batman]

[Grabs a pitch fork from him] No killing! [Breaks a pitch fork in half]

Killer Croc

(to Goliath) Why, you dirty...? [Jumps on him] Stay out of this! [Points at Batman] This is between me and the bat.

[Goes near the cage] But, you can't kill him. He's still a human being.

Killer Croc

(to May & June) Who are you calling human?

Billy the Seal Boy

[Inverts his outfit] Oh, Croc.

[Picks up the broken pitch fork stick] Alas! I fear that the chameleon has shown his true colors. I think you should to leave, my friend, we had enough of these shenanigans.

Killer Croc

(looks at Batman and to Billy) [Attempts to use the 3 bat-smokes out of bat utility belt] Well, kid, looks like we're gonna have to postpone a little swim.

Batman

WATCH OUT!

Billy the Seal Boy

[Killer Croc stuns them with a bat smoke] Hey! [They coughs and lies down to the ground]

Killer Croc

(to Batman) The bigger they are, eh, Bats? [Batman looks at him]

Bullock

Let's get something straight from the get-go. I think you're a freak and a menace, and those are your good points. But the commish says you serve a purpose, so I go along.

Batman

I appreciate your honesty. What's the problem?

Bullock

Somebody's got it in for me. Tried to give me a fender massage last night. It ain't the first time. Last week too.

Batman

Any suspects?

Bullock

So many, they could have their own zip code. I've put a lot of guys away, and they hate me for it. Looks like one of them hates me enough to do something about it.

Batman

Why me? Why not just go to the department?

Bullock

I step on a lot of toes. I don't want Internal Affairs looking at me too close. They might find some things I don't want found.

Batman

Are you on the take?

Bullock

Watch it, freak! I never took a dime from nobody! I just bend the rules a little sometimes, you understand. We're not all that different.

Batman

We're on the same side, but we're not the same. I'll help you find out who's after you, but you've got to collar them clean.

We are speaking of the same person, are we not? Harvey Bullock? The detective who looks like an unmade bed?

Batman

The same.

He came to you for help? It must be serious.

Bullock

Nice starship you got here. What's this for? [points towards a button]

Batman

Passenger ejector seat.

Janet Van Dorn

I see now there's a need for the things you do. But I'm still going to work towards a city that doesn't need Batman.

Batman

[smiling] Me too.