[after winning the poker game] Wow, Duke, I play with a lot of great poker players, and you're not one of them!
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
[reading a note left by the sheep] Dear Duke, you vacuous, simpering moron.
Hey, you're not vacuous!
Our mental superiority makes it impossible to tolerate your... idiotic leadership? Goodbye for-e-e-e-e-e-e-ver.
Duke's family, I mean, he's like the crazy uncle we never had.
Right... I never had a crazy uncle.
[Flashback to a younger Abby with her crazy uncle.]
ASAbby's Crazy Uncle
The Easter Bunny has betrayed me! We'll have to close the beaches! You can't close the beaches, we're a summer town! GET THESE TURTLES OUTTA MY HEAD, PLEASE! And, Lindy! [dances and scats]
[Pig, Freddy, and Peck are disguised as sheep.]
Morning, sheep.
Baa.
Baa.
Eh, bee-ee-ee. No, uh... Boo-oo-oo.
Sounds like a case of the nervous woolies. [drags Pig away] This calls for drastic measures.
Uh... Bonsai! Bloopity! Bollywood!
[left in a massage chair by the Farmer] Oh, hi, guys! Sweet massage chair, huh? I recommend the "oggida-oggida-oggida" setting.
Welp, there's the glue factory. I told you I knew where it was.
This ain't the glue factory. It looks like a train station.
Uh, it's a train station slash glue factory.
And when the world sees this tape on the Goraldo show, everyone will finally know that I'M NOT CRAZY! [chuckles] I'm not a... you know, a nut roll. I'm not a... kooky cuckoo-cuckoo coco!
[to Otis, about Mrs. Beady] Nice going, dum-dum. 'Cause of you, we're all gonna have to move to the Yukon!
I can't move to the Yukon! I'll be devoured by grizzly bears!
Eh, the wolverines'll probably get you first.
Good point.
Oh. Still, I hate moving.
GGoraldo
There it is, viewers. Barn animals walking upright and talking trash.
The rooster and the ferret are best friends, Goraldo, the girl cow's kinda fresh if you ask me, and don't get me started on the wisecracking mouse.
GGoraldo
By my lush and corpulent mustache, this is astounding!
[stuck in a split in the exercise tape] NATHAN! GET THE JAWS OF LIFE!
[After Otis switched out the tape showing the animals with Mrs. Beady's exercise tape.]
GGoraldo
[stammering] There were talking animals on that tape, I swear.
That's what they do, Goraldo. They spin their little webs and make you look like the crazy one.
GGoraldo
[hysterical] Ladies and gentlemen, you have to believe me!
Well, it appears that Goraldo's lack of talent has finally bitten him in the face like a poisonous snake of failure.
GGoraldo
Th-the cow is their leader! There's a wisecracking mouse! The ferret and the rooster live together!
CCameraman
[at the door with two asylum officers] He's over there.
GGoraldo
[the asylum officers take him away] I'm not insane! The talking animals are here! THEY'RE HERE!
Well, there you have it, folks. A mustache, a dancy-pants lady, and a broken dream. This has been Hard Time with Gil O'Whatever-I-Said-Before. Good night, wishing you hugs and chocolate.
Shing-ding-bloopy!
[telling a scary story] And some say, when the moon is full, or really close to full... You know, like those times when you go, "Hey, look, it's a full moon," and somebody else goes, "No, man, it's not totally full. See the edge?" And you're like, whatever, dude, I can see the whole moon!
Pip, please.
Oh, right. When the moon is pretty much full, you can still hear the shrieks of her helpless victims.
[The other animals, except Otis, react in fear to Pip's story.]
And that's why I hate veterinarians.
Pip, would you stop scaring them? I mean, you've never even been to the veterinarian.
Hey, I've never been hit by a meteor either, but I know it hurts.
Well, uh, enjoy your check-ups, folks, uh, I'll be in Guatemala.
Right behind you.
This veterinarian madwoman will KILL US ALL!!!
Guess I'm first. Check it out guys, won't even break a sweat.
There goes one brave cow.
Oh, aren't you a big sweetie Okay honey, I'm just going to do a little looky-loo, yeah, that's all. [snaps glove suggestively] Mm-hm.
Moo? [wails in pain as animals watch on in horror]
I... I've only got a week to live?
Oh, my goodness, Otis. I am so sorry.
But... That's impossible. I feel fine. Although, you know, I've been getting a little tired around bedtime lately, and I seem to lose my appetite after heavy meals, and dry grass has really lost its flavor-- OH, MILK ME, IT'S TRUE! I'M DYING! [runs away sobbing]
Boy, dying really seems to bum him out.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Back at the Barnyard pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.