Tobias Fünke quotes from Arrested Development

Tobias

You know, mother Lucille, there's a psychological concept known as denial that I believe you're evincing. It's when a thought is so hateful that the mind literally rejects it.

You are a worse psychiatrist than you are a son-in-law, and you will never get work as an actor because you have no talent.

Tobias

Well, if she's not going to say anything, I certainly can't help her.

Lindsay

That's the first time we were in the shower since our honeymoon.

Tobias

And this time, no tears!

When allegations surfaced that he’d illegally built homes in Iraq, George Bluth Sr., assisted by his secretary, Kitty, escaped the country...

Narrator

Due to poor acting, the burden of the story was placed on the narrator.

...only to be found hiding under one of the homes that he himself built.

Narrator

He was actually found in a hole near the house, but this inattention to detail was typical of the laziness the show’s narrator was known for.

Tobias

[As George] I cannot survive under the house. Perhaps an attic shall I seek.

Narrator

Real shoddy narrating. Just pure crap.

Michael

That's the point, Dad. Mr. Loblaw no longer works for us because someone wanted a boyfriend.

Tobias

Well, don't blame me!

Michael

I was talking to Lindsay, actually, but he was clearly turned off to the both of you.

Michael

I can't stand to hear one more lie out of this family.

Tobias

[entering, to Lindsay] There's the woman I'm sexually attracted to.

Tobias

I should call the Hot Cops and tell them to dress up as something more nautically themed. Hot sailors, maybe. Or better yet, hot sea m--

Michael

I like hot sailors.

Tobias

Mmmm. Me too.

They're the ambiguously gay duo.

Tobias

I assure you there's nothing ambiguous about me. I'm Johnny Storm, the human flamer.

Tobias

Is there a little girl here all by herself?

Narrator

And perhaps it was this that would finally get him to admit that he sometimes did speak in a misleading way.

Tobias

Daddy needs to get his rocks off!