[Carl apologizes to someone he hit with his car]
Look, I am so sorry. I'm sorry that you tried to walk in front of me when I clearly had the right of way!
Hey, Carl, you know, that's not really the spirit of this.
All right, all right, all right, look...reset. I am very glad that the forensics could not match the paint on your face to the paint on my fender, but I am sorry that you had to pay the ultimate price for not lookin' both ways! I did not wave you on, I was flippin' you off!
OK … all right. I'm sorry, you're dead.
You're in the red zone now, buddy, you gotta close the deal.
Well, me answering questions to a bunch of cops wasn't never gonna bring you back--
Be a champ. Go all the way.
--OK, I'M SORRY I HIT YOU, ALL RIGHT?!? And that's as sorry as I'm ever gonna be. You were old. I could tell!
[Carl apologizes to the Chicago band for making jerseys with their name on it]
OK guys, look, I'm sorry that I made an ass load of money sellin' these in the parking lot of your show. They ain't supposed to say "Chicano" it was them dumbass immigrants I had working for me. Anyways, I want you to have this [points to a box full of jerseys] 20% off on these.
Hey Carl, you're off sides buddy.
OK look, here's the money I made on it [Holds up a can full of change].
Dammit, you know everything. All right look, I'll um, I'll make out a check to uh … how 'bout I make it out to "Chicago?" [The band is silent] All right friggin' cash! Fine! [Carl leaves].
BMBand Member 1
Who was that?
BMBand Member 2
I don't know, but check it out: $43 in change. All right!
[Carl and Bart Oates are outside Linda Hamilton's mansion]
I don't recognize this place.
Carl, huddle up. This is Linda Hamilton's house. She is destined to play Sarah Connor in The Terminator. And Sarah Connor will give birth to John, and he will lead the resistance to the rise against the machines.
Well, I mean she's already been in that movie.
Well, I've been sent by the machines to get you to kill Linda Hamilton.
What're you talking about man? She's an actress.
C'mon Carl. Ya gotta do it brother. Ya gotta go all the way. Do it for Tuna, do it for L.T. C'mon man, this is our house. This is Linda's house. We gotta run a trap and you gotta lay a big hurt on Linda.
"Lay a big hurt on"- listen to yourself. She's an actress! It was a movie! This is friggin' stupid!
"Stupid?" Are you kidding me? Listen man, when I had my knee surgery the computers replaced all my parts with metal machinery [Bart removes his skin to reveal a metally trashy inside] Wanna see?
Looks like they did it on a budget. I don't see any computers in there.
Oh man, the computers lied to me.
Oh no! My whole life is a sham! [Linda Hamilton's alarm system goes off]
LHLinda Hamilton's Alarm System
[The eyes of two large Terminator heads on the fence of Linda Hamilton's mansion glow red] Intruders!
All right drama queen, lets get outta here before Linda wakes up.
[last lines]
[Frylock is performing brain surgery on Carl]
Whoa, what the hell is that?
It's a BB. It was lodged in his frontal lobe. But how did he get a BB in his brain?
[flashback to sometime earlier in the day … Master Shake is cocking a BB gun with the spirit of Bart Oates behind him]
Milkshake, we're in the goal line offense, baby. You gotta score. You're a champ, buddy. Go all the way.
[Master Shake shoots Carl (off screen) with the BB gun]
[back to present time]
[pause] Shoot I dunno, I need to figure out how to shove a daiquiri up my butt.
[Shake shows off a flashy, high-tech, chrome grill.]
Ah, yeah! We grillin' tonight!
Now here's what's different about this my friends: it uses actual pieces of the sun, combined with some radioactive vials from Chernobyl, and I know this is interesting also to the ladies out there, it uses them to heat burgers, steaks, chicken; no problem. And, best of all, it's not even suppposed to be inside this country.
No, I'm curing cancer. Yes, we're grillin'.
[looks at the Char-Nobyl 6000 emiting its flavor beam into the sky] Wow! Damn. Putting out some BTUs. [looks up at the clouds] I think those... Are those clouds on fire? [the clouds are on fire]
Oh, you noticed that. Uh, don't worry, sir. It's just the flavor beam doing its zesty magic.
[Carl's body hair ignites] You smell burning hair?
[Shake is frantically pressing the thermostat]
How do I get this to be cold?! I keep pressing it and pressing it and pressing it, and it won't get cold now!
[Frylock checks the thermostat.]
242 degrees?! Man, that's insane!
That's what I've been sayin' for the last hour and a half, while you've been "Dreamin' of Jeanie."
Dammit, I think we're gonna have to freakin' call the landlord. The compressor's on the fritz again.
Well, he...he may be gone. I...I wouldn't go out there.
[As we see that the outside background is melting] And why not?!
Watch this. [Flings a skillet out the front door, causing it to explode almost immediately]
That was my Alton Brown saucepot! I use it to make my Balsamic Reduction! Dammit! … You've seen me do it.
Shake! You left that grill on, didn't you?
[looks outside] Oh... uh... no!
Well then, why is it on?!
I don't know... uh... it's in "self-cleaning" mode!
No, I think it's on "create-a-hole-in-the-ozone" mode, Shake!
Well, we got all that cream cheese we won at the fair. Can you tan through that?
Master Shake [dramatic music plays] ...It's worth a shot.
And it may be the only shot we have...
[Shake and Meatwad are rubbing the cream cheese on their bodies]
Or we could just shut the fucking grill off!
[Treading water] Phew. Feel that cool water. So soothing!
Yeah. Feel that polar bear chewing on my head up here. [We see this is actually happening]
Oh my God! This is a melted polar cap!
Uh, no, no. Polar caps are traditionally cold. And this... [The water begins to boil] ew, this is starting to get hot. [The grill is still running] Aw, hell.
We've got to get to that grill.
I know. You've said it like 93 times!
Mex—Mexicans! They'll do it! They'll do anything! Who here knows Spanish?
Carl may. His hair is dark.
That's a good thought. I'm gonna ask him.
