AWAndrew W.K.
[Jumps out from offside and begins singing 'Party Party Party']
All right!! Andrew W.K, live in our living room!!
[They follow Frylock down the hall to his room, where he shuts the door on them.]
Oh God. He looks like he's dead already.
[through the door] Thanks, Carl. 'Preciate that.
I think the problem was the song. You got any other, uh, you know, uh, happier...songs about partyin'?
[Frylock is in his room resting when Andrew jumps in and sings again.]
Hey! Let's party! P-p-p-party tonight!
Will you all get the funk out of here? [coughs] Look, my doctor says I need to get as much rest as possible so please...
[Andrew walks out.]
Yeah! Get the funk outta here! [Frylock looks at shake annoyed.] And I am now leaving as well. [Walks out and closes door.]
(Finishing time machine) That's it! Now, who wants to make history and go back in time?
(staring at a scorpion on the floor) Yeah, we're busy
You could meet president Lincoln!
I'll eat it.... if you eat it
All right, deal! Wait a minute... how are you gonna eat it after I eat it?
Look, you eat it, then I go back in time to before the time that you eat it, then I'll eat it
Gentlemen, we have a time machine, and this is the key to Frylock's health. We can break it apart, light it on fire, and smoke the cancer out!
Well, don't smokin', like, cause cancer?
That has never been proven.
(duct-taped to a rocket, talking to Frylock) Hey! Time to destroy the sun, right now buddy, and it's ALL for you baby! FRYLOCK FOREVER! Light it up, Meatwad!
Already done it, like 5 minutes ago.
Wait! I need my goggles! I need my UV ray gogg- 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 BLAST OFF!! (the rocket explodes)
DDoctor
Well, uhh... we got your bloodwork back...
DDoctor
No apparent traces of cancer in the lymph nodes
Oh, God, thank you! You have no idea how great that is to hear!
DDoctor
But, uhhh... listen..... Aliens
DDoctor
Yeah, the aliens are coming. For us, you and I. That's why we must merge as one, together to defeat them, and their lasers.... (aliens fly into the room, shooting lasers, and carry the doctor away)
[Master Shake and Meatwad call Frylock from prison]
Oh, O.K. Ahh, hey man... How's it going?
Do you know what time it is?
Do you? Because it's, it's 4.20 somewhere! I know that!... Ain't that the phrase?
Gimmie that phone! Look, before I start speaking don't even think about getting angry, because if you do, I swear, I will hang up on you!
Shake what is it? What's wrong?
O.K. Your jumping in already, O.K. We, we got into a little bit of trouble.
Tell him nothing's wrong.
But let me preface by saying, we were framed.
We were just the guys that happened to be there!
Allright, What was a set up?
Wow, now why would I talk to somebody who speaks to me in that tone?
Will you just tell me what it is you did wrong?
Oh what? You think do er... everything right?
O.K. I see what's happened here. You got another D.U.I didn't you?
I'm gonna have to bus down there! O.K?
I'm gonna have to take the bus from now on permanently, according to what some guy told me. And I ain't riding that cheese box. It's a major deterrent, for the women!
Women will not kiss you on the bus.
O.K. Look, it's gonna take me a while.
[Carl is trying to sell jerseys to Frylock]
Don't worry about this rip. I just uh accidentally ripped it pulling it out of the box.
Nah. "Gnats"? What da freak- it's supposed to be the Giants! I friggin' told them immigrants! No wonder, they cut me a deal. What a deal! They probably don't even have giants in their country; they're so freakin' tiny. Look at this crap. Half of them dissolved in the box.
Well, you know what they say "you get what you pay for."
I tell ya what: how 'bout I take 20% off.
Aw c'mon man, I seen you flyin' around so fast. People won't even notice, right? High-five football fan.
I really don't like sports Carl.
… Oh yeah? Well, you're a fag!
[Carl is reminiscing with the spirit of Bart Oates]
[Bart holds up one of Carl's jerseys] The "Gnats"?? What is this Carl?
Oh, that? It's just, uh, it's a tribute! To your majesty.
Carl, by doing this you're taking food out of NFL player's mouths!
I'm sorry, Bart … but, dude! I followed your whole Pro Bowl season back in '90. You had a sack prevented index, it's like 0.9! It's ridiculous! Your blocking ratio is like 4-to-1. You were playing out of your mind that season! [in a disgusted tone] And then 1994, you frickin' signed with the 'Niners. [sadly] You broke my frickin' heart, Bart. [angrily] You pancaked it!
I was there when you destroyed my poster, and you said, "I hope he gets injured."
[Flashback to Carl back in 1994]
Enjoy San Francisco, pansy! [Carl rips his Bart Oates poster in half] [angrily] I hope you tear your ACL, jackass!!
[Back to present day]
Three years later, I had knee surgery, and I had to retire, Carl.
So, I, I made you, like, have knee surgery by saying that?
That's awesome. [pause] I mean, I'm sorry in retrospect, but that's so awesome I was able to do that! I hate the 'Niners!
[Shake and Meatwad are in a holding cell]
Hey, my man over here. He wants a daiquiri now. He says I got ta smuggle one back in...up my butt hole.
Oh … the fresh or the mix?
Oh God, that would be so cold.
[Carl doesn't want Frylock to see the spirit of Bart Oates]
Just play it off as a joke.
...From uh, you know … black people've been runnin' around here.
… That's not really a joke Carl.
Oh c'mon man, I'm tryin'.
OK, Carl, I felt really bad about your car, so I brought you some fresh parsley and oregano from my herb garden.
Oh, great. Weeds. This will help me get to the strip club.
Where's my frickin' car?!?
Well, it's kinda been impounded.
What?!? [Carl grabs Frylock and starts drowning him in his pool] You tell me right now, Fry Man, where my frickin' car is, or I'm going to rip that paper box head of yours in half!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, easy Carl. You don't want a penalty for roughing the neighbor. I mean, that's fifteen yards and that hurts the team.
[Carl lets go of Frylock]
Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, Carl!
It's okay, I'm not mad. OK? [angrily, but showing restraint] So, uh, where's my f-ing car, please, sir?!
Carl! Well, well, well … look who's off to the slammer!
I bailed you out, dumbass.
Oh, well good, I'm drivin', let's go.
No, you have no control of your bladder!
[Carl drives off]
