[To Meatwad] Tomorrow I'm getting you a new doll with a sunnier attitude!
Hey man, while you're there, you get me that Happy-Time Dialysis Machine.
Dialysis?
Yeah. I had half my liver removed and I'm not supposed to drink, but...I do.
S1Dumber Dolls
Go ahead, man. Let's do this thing.
I told you I'd do it, I'm gonna do it now. Hey Meatwad, look at this! [With Shake turned away, Harry pours gasoline over himself] Come to the window! Big time fun... you know what I mean?
Okay dude, I just did all the prep work, now let's get it on! DO IT!
Well.. shoot... I mean I was just going to sort of blow your jaw off with a firecracker or something.. I wasn't gonna.. I think I need to go pray.
[Cut to Meatwad's room]
Yo, that milkshake's got no guts, man.
You know, Happy-Time...Just being around you kinda makes me wanna die...
So... [dances] we jigglin' or-
Hey! Backwoods retard. Not now, not ever!
Okay! Naptime! [dances]
You know, sometimes I like to take this knife and just...cut myself. [Chuckles] See how hard I can do it before I just...pass out, man.
Shoo...well, uhh...commence the jigglin' y'all!
Hey, check it out, man. You know why you came in that box, right? That's 'cause someone put you there...to die.
That ain't true now. I...I got me these night-vision goggles [Puts the goggles on]
[Knocks the goggles off] For what? You're a hillbilly! You don't even know who you are, do you? Look at you, you're a clown. You're a joke.
[Pathetically] I don't know why I have these goggles.
You’re gonna chuck him off a cliff? Shake, we could have chucked him off the roof and stayed at home.
No, This is a magic cliff here, like in The Highlander. So, you will become The Highlander, and you’ll roam the earth forever, trying to kill yourself, but you wouldn’t be able to, because you’ll be…immortal. Won’t that suck, little man? [laughs]
Well actually, That sounds kinda cool.
Yeah, it does.
Then I’m gonna do it.
NO, YOU’RE NOT! I’m doing it!
Shake, Wait! The Highlander was just a movie. I mean-
Oh Frylock, The Highlander was a documentary, and the events happen in real time.
So, this cliff is magic?
Oh yeah, Big time.
I’m doing it now.
No man, Look you gotta be born a Highlander, You can’t just…become one.
See, he saw the movie too.
You know, that’s right.
I know, I saw cliffs, Okay. And there’s lots of magic everywhere…And Mel Gibson.
Uhh, Braveheart? Hello?
Oh, You think you’re the expert? Let's see how much your ass know about FLYING! [throws Happy-Time off a cliff.] Yeah! that’s what I’m talking about.
You done? Because that took forever...
I am-Well I am foreverrr.....I AM IMMORTAL!!!
Shake, No! [Master Shake jumps off the cliff, his straw clinging to a branch]
Damn branch…Wait! I'm not immortal here, Okay?
Hang on Shake, we'll call for help!
No, tell him to let go.
Yeah, Hurry! I think that the branch will hold for... [branch breaks] IT'S NOT HOLDING!!
(Floating in the pool with Meatwad) So, I guess the Highlander comes out of traction today.
Well, I hoped they fixed his eyes. They got messed up pretty bad in that fall.
Well, the doctors gave him some hard plastic replacements, So don't stare at them, Okay? He’s real self conscious about it.
Okay.
(comes in on wheelchair with large eyes) Alas, I return.
Oh! There you are!
Where are you?
Dang! What happened to your eyes?! They look weird.
Shhh!
Oh, shut up! “There can be, only one!” (Lifts up a sword and lightning strikes it, and then he drops it and falls out of the chair and is set on fire).
We grillin' tonight.
S1Bad Replicant
[Dr. Weird is hanging upside-down.]
Gentlemen! Chop off my head with such velocity that my blood will rocket through my neck, and propel my lifeless body, all the way to Phoenix!
Wow. Uh, what's in Phoenix?
Why, it's your mama, Steve! Get the axe!
Look at it [the Earth] out there. Orbiting like it's so cool.
Look at him and tell me there's a God.
He made me in His own image.
Oh, yeah, God's a big meatball, I forgot. Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha.
He is.
Does he stink like you do?
Yeah, that's right. And he ain't my best friend, neither. He yells at me and scares me and locks me in the attic, and pours liquid on my head that stink, and freeze me with the fire extinguisher, and a whole bunch of other stuff I can't remember 'cause he shocked me in the head with a car battery. [pause] With a bunch of clamps, and sparks, and ...
Yeah, hey Oglethorpe, do you remember this guy [Shake]?
I'm starting to.
And how annoying he was.
Yes, and how he scoffed at our magazines!
So, uh, what were we gonna do with him?
OOgletorpe
...We shall use him for the armies ... of the night!
But I thought the guy down there was going to build an army ... of the night.
Different army dorkface! This army will take over the rest of the galaxy! You see how my mind works? It's like a laser!
You know, I know you from somewere.
He must not know who we are. Quick, paint the Mind Room!
Uh, I'm still not done with the trim on that.
Oh, you're ki — Meatwad, it's not polite to stare.
But, look at him.
No, it's okay, I know. I'm totally, hideous.
No i-it's cool, I was just wondering if that jambox worked, you know. Shake threw mine in a cobra cage, and dared me to go get it, and that's why I'm all puffy back here.
Oh, well son of a … imprison him within the rings!
[Disco light rings come down around Shake.]
You'll never move from that spot again, unless you like being cut in half!
[The phone rings. Shake reaches through the rings to answer it.]
Yelloo?
The laser rings!
Look, brother, these ain't nothin but disco lights.
No, the installer said that they were imprison laser rings, and I, I believed him.
Don't listen to him, for he is a witch!
Look, look, settle down, can you just maybe try and replicate some other people, and get an army going and then take over the entire planet.
Or is that not possible.
Well I don't know, I don't think I can replicate others, was that your plan?
Well, one of them. We have many plans.
Well maybe your next plan should be to tell me what the plan is.
Look, settle down. It's all cool.
No. No. Look at me dude. I'm a leaky, disgusting, abomination and I'm not going to do it anymore.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Aqua Teen Hunger Force pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.