TV show quotes
[first lines]
Daddy?
Next door, jackass. [slams door]
[Ezekial knocks on the Aqua Teens' door, and Shake answers]
Daddy!
No, no! You're, uh... you're probably thinking the guy next door. Big, fat guy; you take care.
[Ezekial starts to walk back towards Carl's house; Carl racks a sawnoff shotgun; Ezekiel runs away.]
That's right, get lost!
You gotta wash your hands before you pick a baby up. He can see the bacteria burning into his flesh!
[Seeing Master Shake's kid]
Awww, is this your bastard?
Look, yes, I have banged hundreds of broads, internationally, but know this, I wrap my rascal TWO times cause I like it to be joyless and without sensation, as a way of punishing supermodels.
Yeah well, let's see what a DNA test would say about that.
Oh, that's where it starts. Then pretty soon he's gonna want 65 cents for bus fare, liquor for his stomach. You know, I counsel dog in better shape than you. Free-jacking all around here like you're Mick Jagger. [to Ezekiel, he is about to cry] Listen! Why don't you hustle on down to the soup kitchen, Mick?
WAAAAAA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAH!!!
[Ezekiel runs outside crying]
Wait a minute, wait!
Don't go, come on!
Come back! Little shake.
[gets in the car seat and buckles up while crying] Daddy no want me! I'm gonna take a bus to Reno!
Oh no, that won't do. Why don't you just stay with us untill you old enough the leave home.
Hooray! Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! Hoo-ray!
{Sarcastically} Yeah. Huzzah.
I wanna name him. Can I name him?
No! He's my son! And...NO! No he's NOT my son! Nobody can prove that!
I wanna name you Jesus... Ezekial... Jesus, and that's from the bible.
[slowly] E...zek...ial?
That's a good name, Ezekial.
Ezekiel! I am Ezekial! That is me! Ezekial is—I am!
Yay, security at the mall! I'm gonna shine a flashlight!
(playing basketball) Feed me the rock, I'm down low!
(Referring to Ezekiel) Meatwad, your man's free over there! Get on your man!
(Rolls up to Dewy, a paper towel tube with a face drawn on it) Shut up, boy! I got my man boxed in over here! You deal with your own business!
I wanna play racecar...
[In slow motion, as Ezekial's basketball sails to the goal]
Get in that net you crazy whore!
Why do you disappoint me? [Ezekiel starts crying] Second by second, you waste my time.
Shake Shake Shake, lets just have some fun out here, okay?
Why? He sucks. C'mon Sucky, before you ruin the entirety of my future.
Shake--
The only reason God doesn't erase you from the face of the Earth is because you amuse him somehow.
[Carl sees Master Shake in his car with a hose connected from the exhaust pipe to the car interior]
Shake! Shake! Wake up! What are you doin'?
[weakly] My son...he doesn't listen.
[angrily] Look, whatever. Get outta my car! It's freakin' three bucks a gallon--how long have you been running this engine?! What, you think I should pay for this?!?
No...
Yeah, that's right! You're dead, you don't have to worry about it! Meanwhile, your bowels are leakin' all over the dash, stainin' my shag carpet. That's freakin' authentic red pleather, that ain't cheap.
Yeah...
[Carl throws Master Shake out of his car and onto the street]
Smells like friggin exhaust in...here. You know why I had car wash people put cocoa butter smell in there?! Because I want prostitutes to feel welcome! I don't want them to feel like it's a death trap!
[piano music plays]
I'm sorry, Carl. It appears I failed you as well.
Look, I'm sorry. I should not have unloaded on you like that. [puts a steak knife in Master Shake's hand, casual] Here's a steak knife. Go kill yourself on your lawn.
[Before Shake kills himself, Meatwad comes out]
Hey Shake, what you doin'?
I want my son to feel guilty for what he's doing to me. Bring him outside so he can watch me slit my own throat.
He's inside, slaying the Chess Dragon. No one beats the Chess Dragon not even me, and I'm retarded.
[Meatwad asks how OLD Master Shake is]
Well which one? Is you 30 or 40?
I don't know! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?!?!??!?!?!?!??!?!?!??!?!??!?!??
[in a computerized voice] King-E-2-to-E-3.
Bishop E5 to D4. Check.
King-E-3-to-E-103. [seeing that he has lost, the Chess Dragon knocks over a bunch of Ezekiel's pieces]
You can't do that! That square does not exist! That is a blatant violation of the governing rules!
King-S-U-C-to-K-I-T.
...so the bum said, "I ate it off the sidewalk. With my baaaallls!"
What do a walrus and Tupperware have in common? They're both looking for a tight seal!
Remember that one show? "'Roid-Away, apply directly to the 'roid. 'Roid-Away, apply directly to the 'roid."
Yes, i would like to speak to a supervisor. Because you were very rude to me. I will fly directly to India tonight and see your face in my face. What is your name?!? Give me your name.
Who is you talking to.
I am about to find out. Hello. Hung up.
Well, did he fix the TV?
You tell me.
well, yeah?
I swear to God. A whole night of TV has been ruined, Thank you India. You know it's the Indians and their barbaric ways. Yogurt running down their faces and boobs flapping around. Hey, ever hear of a bra? I've seen one.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Aqua Teen Hunger Force pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
