WSWillie Slackmer
I'm...trying...to fill...their lives...with joy.
[imitating Slackmer] Then you...should stop singing...right now.
S1 E60Karaoke Dokie/The Cranial Crusader/The Chicken Who Loved Me
Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?
Well, I think so, Brain. But I can't memorize a whole opera in Yiddish.
Pinky, you are a threat to tolerance.
S1 E61Baloney & Kids/Super Buttons/Katie Ka-Boom: The Driving Lesson
BBaloney
[holding a paper plate, with a face drawn on it in front of his own face] Guess who. [laughs]
Is it Abraham Lincoln?
BBaloney
[laughs] No.
Hmm...could it be Nancy Kerrigan?
BBaloney
[laughs] No.
Is it a big, fat polyester dinosaur, who's the color of an international house of pancakes, with a paper plate over his face?
BBaloney
No. It's me, Baloney!
You're kidding!
[after Baloney is hit by an anvil] Who's dropping those anvils anyway?
[The camera pans upward to reveal the Prince and Princesses of Props]
PPPrincess of Props 1
Take us with you!
PPPrincess of Props 2
Don't leave us, please!
PPPrince of Props
Free us from the lumpy thing!
AAll
Take us with you! [they leap down into The Warner's arms respectively]
Neat-o, complete-o, yippee.
[The Warners kiss the Prince and Princess of Props]
KSKatie's Mom
Listen to your father Katie, he's got years of experience.
KKatie
I KNOW how to drive Mom!
S1 E62Scare Happy Slappy/Witch One/MacBeth
Ooh, candy corn!
Spew!
Hey, they're better than the corns on my feet!
Spew and a half!
Those were nice pilgrims, definitely nice.
Yeah, well, we'd still be there if you hadn’t chased away their turkeys.
I forgot. Definitely forgot why I did that.
JThe Judge
Good Night, witch!
WHWitch Hazel
Uh, me?
JThe Judge
No, you old wombat, the shop-keeper.
[Which Hazel walks away whistling]
SKShop-Keeper
But Waiter, you know me! I'm no witch!
JThe Judge
I know you're holding a broomstick! And only witches have broomsticks! Iron Man! CALA! Arrest him!
[after Runt saves her from the frigid water] Thanks, Runt!
You're welcome! What's I do?
[The cartoon opens with the mountain during the storm]
AAnnouncer
And now, Dot Warner, Slappy Squirrel and Hello Nurse in the famous witches scene from William Shakespeare's "Macbeth", interpreted by Yakko for those viewers who, like Dot, Slappy and Hello Nurse, have no idea what they're saying.
DSDot, Slappy and Hello Nurse
[they stop stirring their cauldron for a moment with a glare. Then they resume] Double, double, toil and trouble. Fire burn and cauldron bubble!
Loosely translated, that means "Aabra cadabara."
Fillet of a fenny snake, in the cauldron boil and bake!
"Let's cook a snake!" Start with my agent.
[Wakko drops a man in a suit into the cauldron]
Eye of newt [Wakko drops hunting dog Newt] and toe of frog, [Wakko drops Michigan J. Frog] Wool of bat [Wakko drops Batman] and tongue of dog.
[Wakko drops Buttons]
Sounds like camp food to me.
For a charm of powerful trouble, like a hellbroth boil and bubble.
[yawns] "Stir until bored." Serves twelve, unless you're Rush Limbaugh; then it's an appetizer.
DSDot, Slappy and Hello Nurse
Double, double, toil and trouble. Fire burn and cauldron bubble!
"Bippety boppety boo!" Here's another fun recipe:
Scale of dragon, tooth of wolf. Witch's mummy, maw and gulf.
[Wakko drops a green dragon which is carrying Walter Wolf]
Those are the ingredients of a hot dog!
Of the ravened salt-sea shark. [Wakko drops a shark] Root of hemlock...
[Wakko comes dressed as a female cheerleader, with pom-poms]
Goooo, Hemlock!
...dig'd in the dark.
[singing] Dig'd in the dark is a gas. Baby, can ya dig it?
DSDot, Slappy, and Hello Nurse
Double, double, toil and trouble. Fire burn and cauldron bubble!
"Hocus pocus." When do we eat? [flames shoot from the cauldron, then he jumps out of the interpreter's circle] Hey, what'd we come up with? Hash?
Corndog?
Fondue?
[Everyone looks into the cauldron and gasps]
By the pricking of my thumbs, something scary this way comes!
[More flames from the cauldron. When they subside, Mr. Director is standing on the edges of the cauldron]
[singing] Oh, lady! I know a lady with high-heeled shoes and socks and panty hose! Oh, pretty lady!
[Dot whacks him over the head with a large wooden mallet. He falls into the depths of the cauldron with a scream. Slappy then drops in a stick of lighted dynamite. Dot drops in a large round bomb. Yakko puts a lid on the cauldron. Wakko runs a chain around it. Slappy affixes a lock. Everyone stands aside, backs turned, covering their ears. The cauldron blasts upward and through the roof of the cave]
[last line] Uhhhh, let's send out for pizza.
[Iris out]
S1 E64Lookit the Fuzzy Heads/No Face Like Home
RDr. Roma
Alright, Miss Squirrel, just relax and watch the monitor, I'm going to show you scenes from Alan Alda movies, you'll be out in no time.
Couldn't you just hit me on the head with a hammer?
RDr. Roma
[chuckles] Now, now. You watch Mr. Alda while I go wash up.
So you're skipping your plastic surgery, Aunt Slappy?
Eh, I'll keep my wrinkles. I earned every one of em.
But what about your comeback?
Forget it. If I have to change my appearance, it's not worth doin'. Skippy, I've learned that looks aren't everything. It's the beauty in your heart that's really important.
Gee, aunt slappy, you sound like an afterschool special.
You're right, I take it all back.
S1 E65The Warners' 65th Anniversary Special
These people will clap at anything.
[looks up hopefully] Hey everybody! Wanna hear me play 'Yankee Doodle' on my armpit?
[Dead silence]
Uhhhh, almost anything.
TTweety
Ooh, Weed was awways scweaming and yewwing at dem. In fact, in da second cawtoon, if you wisten vewy cawefuwwy, you can hear Weed scweaming at Wakko.
[Another cartoon is shown with Wakko putting various ingredients into a bowl and mixing the contents with his hands]
WWeed
No, no! Use the spoon! Use the spoon! [Wakko eats the spoon] No, spit out the spoon! Spit out the spoon! [Wakko spits the remains of the spoon and looks at him] Don't just look at me! Do something! [Wakko then swallows the bowl full of ingredients] NOOOO!!!! SPIT OUT THE BOWL, SPIT IT OUT!!!!
BBBugs Bunny
Plotz was furious about that cartoon. The moment he saw it, he cancelled their contract. Their agent was livid. You could hear them arguing all over the studio.
[Cut to outside The Warner Bros. Studio Administrations Office, circa 1934]
[offscreen] That's it! The Warners are through! [as the camera trucks in on The Warner Bros. Studio Administrations Office, Chicken Boo, disguised as Irving "Swifty" LaBoo, is clucking angrily. Cut to Plotz's office. Chicken Boo is clucking angrily] Don't you take that tone with me, LaBoo! [angrily standing on his desk] The Warners are finished! They'll never make another cartoon in this studio as long as I live! What do you think about that?!
[Chicken Boo angrily pecks Plotz on the head. Plotz screams angrily. He angrily kicks Chicken Boo out of The Warner Bros. Studio Administrations Office, angrily slamming the doors. Chicken Boo angrily gets up, clucking angrily and walking off angrily as the "Chicken Boo Theme" plays in the background]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Animaniacs pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.