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S1 E2

Animaniacs · Season 1, Episode 2

“Yakko's World/Cookies for Einstein/Win Big” quotes from Animaniacs

12 quotes

“Yakko's World/Cookies for Einstein/Win Big” · Season 1, Episode 2

In this episode: Yakko (7), Dot (7), Wakko (5), Brain (5), Pinky (4), Albert Einstein (3), Narrator (1)

[A world map is shown, with borders and coloring showing different countries]

AAnnouncer

And now, the nations of the world, brought to you by Yakko Warner!

[Yakko lands on the map, wearing an educational hat and dances]

[singing] United States, Canada, Mexico, Panama, Haiti, Jamaica, Peru, Republic Dominican, Cuba, Caribbean, Greenland, El Salvador, too. Puerto Rico, Colombia, Venezuela, Honduras, Guyana, and still, Guatemala, Bolivia, then Argentina, and Ecuador, Chile, Brazil. Costa Rica, Belize, Nicaragua, Bermuda, Bahamas, Tobago, San Juan, Paraguay, Uruguay, Suriname, and French Guiana, Barbados, and Guam. Norway, and Sweden, and Iceland, and Finland, and Germany, now in one piece, Switzerland, Austria, Czechoslovakia, Italy, Turkey, and Greece. Poland, Romania, Scotland, Albania, Ireland, Russia, Oman, Bulgaria, Saudi Arabia, Hungary, Cyprus, Iraq, and Iran. There's Syria, Lebanon, Israel, Jordan, Both Yemens, Kuwait, and Bahrain, The Netherlands, Luxembourg, Belgium, and Portugal, France, England, Denmark, and Spain. India, Pakistan, Burma, Afghanistan, Thailand, Nepal, and Bhutan, Kampuchea, Malaysia, then Bangladesh, Asia, and China, Korea, Japan. Mongolia, Laos, and Tibet, Indonesia, The Philippine Islands, Taiwan, Sri Lanka, New Guinea, Sumatra, New Zealand, Then Borneo, and Vietnam. Tunisia, Morocco, Uganda, Angola, Zimbabwe, Djibouti, Botswana, Mozambique, Zambia, Swaziland, Gambia, Guinea, Algeria, Ghana. Burundi, Lesotho, and Malawi, Togo, The Spanish Sahara is gone, Niger, Nigeria, Chad, and Liberia, Egypt, Benin, and Gabon. Tanzania, Somalia, Kenya, and Mali, Sierra Leone, and Algiers, Dahomey, Namibia, Senegal, Libya, Cameroon, Congo, Zaire. Ethiopia, Guinea-Bissau, Madagascar, Rwanda, Mahore and Cayman, Hong Kong, Abu Dhabi, Qatar, Yugoslavia...Crete, Mauritania, then Transylvania, Monaco, Liechtenstein, Malta, and Palestine, Fiji, Australia, Sudan!

[A shot of the skyline of Bern, Switzerland. Panning down we see houses and buildings]

[written and spoken] Bern, Switzerland, 1905, home of cheese, clocks, chocolate and neutrality... but mostly chocolate.

[The Warners from Burbank, California, wearing merit badge sashes walking]

YWYakko, Wakko and Dot

[singing] Open your doors and buy our cookies. Yodel-idel-adel-adel-yadel-odel-eee, support the scouts, get out your wallets Yodel-idel-adel-adel-yadel-odel-eee!

[singing] Yodel-eh-hi-hu! Yodel-uh-ha-ha! Yodel-eh-hi-hee! Yodel-idel-adel-yadel-yodle-diddle-dodle-doodle doba-dee-dee! [spoken] Sorry, it's the chocolate talking.

[A Swiss Female in a red skirt and some shoes, carrying some hot chocolate in each cup]

SFSwiss Female

[walking by while carrying a tray full of mugs with hot chocolate] Hot chocolate. Hot chocolate.

Helloooo Swiss nurse, miss! [starts walking towards her]

[grabs him] Oh no you don't. We've got cookies to sell. Well scouts, there it is. [the scene reveals a house with a blue door and some windows on it] The last house in the city. [they walk to the house] And we only need to sell one more box of cookies to get our merit badges.

[reads the name of the mailbox] "Albert Einstein". He sounds dreamy.

[The Scene changes to a blackboard, that was filled with letters and a hand holds a piece of chalk writes on the blackboard]

If the sun is P, and gravity is H, it makes a ppphhhhh. No no no no, the theory of relativity has escaped me! Why can't I get it?! WHY?! [the Doorbell rings and he turns to the door] Oh! This better be important, I'm thinking about black holes. [the Warners are standing at his house as he opens the door]

Like blackheads? You must be a dermatologist.

I am not. I am Albert Einstein, world-famous physicist.

Oh. I've never had a cyst, but Wakko's got a wart you can look at.

[Wakko raises his hand]

[looks at it] Eww. Vat do you kids want?

You wanna buy a yummy box of kids scout cookies? [gets a green box of cookies and he hands it to Einstein]

Cookies? Vat would I do with cookies?

Ya eat 'em, silly moustache man. Woah, dumber than advertised.

No I don't want cookies. I'm trying to unlock the mysteries of the universe! Now be good little scouts, and run away! [shuts the door]

[sits on the steps] Goodbye, merit badges.

[The spotlight shines on Dot]

Oh, oh! My heart aches with the sorrow of a thousand scouts. No merit badge, I mourn my loss. [sobs into her hands]

[The spotlight disappears]

[claps along with Wakko] Say, those acting classes are really paying off.

Think so?

Don't worry siblings, we'll sell that nice man a box of cookies or die trying... or try dying, or do some tie dying! [gets a tie dye shirt, while Wakko and Dot clap]

[Back inside, Albert Einstein has a light bulb]

And now, to measure the speed of light. [turns on the lightbulb] Boy, that's quick. [gets off his chair and walks to the chalkboard and he turns it around, while the Warners are standing] OH!

YWYakko, Wakko and Dot

Hello! [they jump out of the chalkboard and kiss Einstein]

[grossed out] Phht!

Well how about it, kid? Want some cookies?

No, no, no, no cookies!

How about a chia pet? [shows one from hand]

No! I- oh, look at that! [the chia pet grows] Oh it's got little fuzzy grass. Well- [realizing what he is doing] no I can't, I can't! Don't you understand?! I can't be disturbed! I'm trying to figure out an equation that explains the universe!

Shouldn't you stick to skin disorders?

I am not a dermatologist!

Alright, alright, we get the picture! If you don't want any cookies, then just leave.

I'm not going to leave, this is my house.

Alright then, you leave.

Fine. [looks at him walking out of his own house, while Wakko jumps on an X-ray and Dot watches him as he opens and slams the door. As Einstein walks outside of his house, he stops, realizing that he's been duped] Grrrrrr! [goes back inside, then kicks Yakko, Wakko and Dot out the house and shuts the door]

Now what?

Now, it's time for the hard sell.

No more disruptions. [turns to the windows and pulls the first one, then the second one, then the third one has Yakko, Wakko and Dot on it]

YWYakko, Wakko and Dot

Hello!

Aargh! [runs to the green chair and hides] YOU!

No, this is a "ewe". [takes a female sheep called an ewe] We're just plain old us.

[about to cry] Why won't you leave me alone?

[Yakko, Wakko and Dot zip in wearing green shirts]

Boy, have we got a deal for you! For a limited time only, when you buy our cookies, we'll throw in the amazing Acme pocket-fisherman! [a comically small fisherman waves at the audience. He then hands a fishing pole, a tackle box, and a cabin shower] The pocket-fisherman comes complete with fishing pole, tackle box and potty. He may be small, but he eats.

But wait, there's more. You'll also get the amazing Acme hair magnet. [Wakko carries a magnet that reads ACME, and Einstein's hair raises up. Dot has a comb and Yakko has a brush; they both have spraying cans] A unique solution to fine limp hair!

[has a camera and hides as he takes a photo] Smile! [the camera flashes and he holds the photo] You didn't smile.

[It's a picture of Albert Einstein sticks his tongue out. Now the real Albert Einstein sticks his tongue out]

To get the cookies, pocket-fisherman and hair magnet, here's how to order. [pulls the screen]

[sit on a chair and breaks the 4th wall] Hi, I'm Dot, an operator here at Acme. Order now, and we'll also throw in "Unexplained Mysteries of Fudge". Call now.

[Einstein cries and pounds the table]

[wears a red shirt and some black pants, then holds a calculator; in his Scottish accent] I don't think he can take much more, captain. He's about to blow.

I guess you really don't want any cookies, huh?

How can I eat cookies when the theory of relativity has escaped me?! It's all wrong! All wrong! [erases the chalkboard and wents to his desk, while Yakko, Wakko and Dot look at Einstein as he sits on his chair] I am a failure. Einstein is a dummy. Stupid Einstein dummy-boy.

YWYakko, Wakko and Dot

[look impressed, and huddle in a whisper] Hey, Einstein! [singing] Whenever we're feeling blue, here's what we always do. When your face is long, sing the Acme song, you'll feel so fresh and new!

[runs to the chalkboard and draws some letters; singing] There's the A that's first, there's a C that's next, there's an M you're almost done. There's the E, it's last, now spell it out: A-C-M-E, that's fun.

[spoken] Now, backwards! [singing] There's the E that's last, there's the M, it's next, There's C, you're almost done. There's the A, it's first, what's first is last. E-M-C-A, we're done.

[walks up to the chalkboard; spoken] Pretty good, Wakko, but your A always looks like a 2.

[Einstein looked impressed, his eyes are filled with orbit symbols, and he pushes Yakko, Wakko and Dot and they fall down. Einstein looks at the board, while the Warners look at him. He then writes an equal sign between the E and the M]

That's it! That's it! The theory of relativity, E equals MC squared! Energy equals mass times the speed of light squared! You kids is geniuses! E equals MC squared! [the scene changes to his house] E equals MC squared! [the scene changes to the City of Bern, Switzerland] E equals MC squared!

[On stage, A tall man probably known as the Announcer holds a medal, while Einstein wears a suit, wearing a medal]

AAnnouncer

The nobel prize in physics goes to Albert Einstein and the Warner Brothers.

[The Warners step out, wearing blue and pink suits]

And the Warner sister.

[The Announcer puts the medal onto Yakko's neck]

Hey, it's no merit badge, but it'll do.

[A Laboratory is on the city, it reads ACME LABS. A cage is sitting on a table, where Pinky and the Brain live there]

Gee, Brain, what do you want to do tonight?

The same thing we do every night, Pinky... Try to take over the world!

YWYakko Wakko and Dot

[singing] They're Pinky and the Brain, They're Pinky and the Brain. One is a genius; the other's insane. They're laboratory mice. Their genes have been spliced. They're dinky; they're Pinky and The Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain.

[The Laboratory doors closed and we show the wide shot of ACME LABS]

[Inside of the cage, The Brain holds a pencil and writes on a piece of paper.]

I hope you're prepared, Pinky. For tonight's plan to take over the world promises to be extra-ordinary. [stops writing and his head turns around] Pinky?

[The screen pans to Pinky watching The Honeymooners on the television set. Inside on the TV, a bus driver named Ralph Kramden trying to punch a woman]

Yeh HEH HEH HEH HEH EH!

RKRalph Kramden

Bang, zoom. Bang! zoom! Right in the kisser!

EH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH! Bang! zoom! Right in the kisser! Narf! EH HEH HEH HEHY!

[walks to the television and turns it off] You watch too much TV, Pinky.

Bang! Zoom!

[shuts Pinky's mouth, pulls on his nose, and let's go] Stop saying that, Pinky, or I shall have to hurt you.

Oh, okay, sorry Brain. NARF! [The Brain walks to a tall pencil with a paperclip on it. He shoots the paperclip up to the sky and hits the light, a table, a microscope and the lock. He manually unlocks cage] Egad! You astound me, Brain!

That's a simple task, Pinky. [he and Pinky hop on a purple cabinet with a lock and a knob and they get off of the cabinet] Once we construct the super-conductive magnetic infindibulator, [Pinky stops and looks at the big TV] the world will be ours. [stops walking and looks at him] Pinky?

AQAlex Quebec

It is often said when a golfer tees off, Alvey.

[Pinky laughs at the audience, a sign that reads, GYP-Parody and a orange-haired man with a green shirt]

AAlvey

What is 4, Alex?

What is narf, eh, what is POIT?!

[walks to Pinky and pushes him] What is an inordinately short attention span, Alex?

[Pinky and the Brain push and roll a science map and it reads, SUPER-CONDUCTIVE MAGNETIC INFINDIBULATOR and FAST ASSEMBLY]

The plans, Pinky, for the super-conductive magnetic infindibulator. Shall I explain how it works?

NARF! Challenge me.

I'm sure I will. By using the infindibulator to deplete hydrogen and promote gravitational collapse, we will produce a magnetic charge from the centre of the Earth so strong that every person who has loose change in their pockets will be magnetically drawn to the ground and stuck there.

[shaking the Brain's hand] E-gad Brain, brilliant - uh-oh, no wait, what if they take off their pants?

[surprised] Then we'll have to take over the world quickly. Every item we need is here in the lab save one; the infindibulator. I know where we can get one. The farmer's almanac.

[They grab a big, blue book which lands on top of them and they climb off the book]

Hrmmmmgh! [looks at the book and the Brain kicks him to the page] Thanks! [The Brain climbs up the book and they walked off. On top of the book it reads, BUILD YOUR OWN INFINDIBULATOR!] Ah, here we are. Build your own infindibulator with things you have 'round the home. Only 99 thousand dollars. (gasps) 99 thousand dollars! NARF! Ooh, where we gonna get that, Brain?

AQAlex Quebec

Beep! Sorry Matilda, that's incorrect! How much did you wager? [screen pans to a host holding a microphone and Matilda, a woman with glasses and a pink shirt, is crying] All of it? Oh that's too bad because you could have won 99 thousand dollars.

[Pinky and the Brain looked at TV]

Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

I think so Brain, but where are we going to find a duck and a hose at this hour?

The money, Pinky. I can go on that show and win the money for the infindibulator!

Egad, Brain! Oh no, but the questions on Gyp-Parody are incredibly hard. I mean, you'd have to get every single one right.

Quiz me. Ask me anything.

[A drram cloud appears with a pie]

NARF! Eh, okay. What is pie?

The ratio of the circumference of a circle to its diameter having a value of 8 decimal places of 3.14159265. But ask me something difficult, Pinky.

Uh, he, uh, NARF! Oh, OKAY! What Ralph Kramden says "Bang! Zoom!"

I told you to stop saying that. [grabs the pencil and whacks him. The pencil lands on Pinky] I don't care who says that.

Ralph Kramden. [jumps out of the pencil] Tada! [bows]

[grabs Pinky's tail] We must prepare. [carries Pinky and walks away]

[Pinky pulls the left shoelace and The Brain pulls on the right shoelace on a shoe and they tied a knot]

That does it. I'm going in. [goes inside of the shoe. Pinky tries to run, but his tail gets stuck on the shoelace. A robot wears a suit, some shoes and a red bow tie. His head pops up of the suit] Honey, I'm home.

Yeh heh heh heh. I liked your funny joke, Brain.

I am not devoid of humor. Prepare for departure.

[The Brain slides down, sits on a chair, pulls the three levers and his head pops out of the suit. The machine begins to start, but Pinky's tail gets stuck on the shoe and steps on him. Pinky climbs up to a pocket and his head pops out]

[comes out of ACME LABS and walks down the sidewalk] Taxi. Taxi. [a Taxi stops and the machine walks in. Yakko, Wakko and Dot run away from Ralph] A television station, please.

[A Taxi Driver turns a car window and turns to the Brain]

TDTaxi Driver

[turns a car window and turns to the Brain] You got it! Woah, hey h-heh if you don't mind me asking, bub, uh, what happened to your head?

Nothing. I am a mouse in a large mechanical suit.

TDTaxi Driver

Heh heh heh heh, okay, alright, my bad for asking, right?

[The Taxi went to the game show]

[A typical "Wheel of Morality" skit; the Warners run through a park, but abruptly stop]

It's that time again.

To get our rabies shot?

To make bubbles with our spit?

No. It's time to learn the day's lesson. And to find out what it is, we turn to... the Wheel of Morality! [a carnival wheel with attached printer slides into view; he spins it] Wheel of Morality, turn, turn, turn. Tell us the lesson that we should learn. [it stops; printer outputs a page] Moral number two. And the moral of today's story is... [reading] "If at first you don't succeed, blame it on your parents."

How deep.

I don't know about you, but I'm touched.

In the head. [the sound of a whistle startles all three]

YWYakko, Wakko, Dot

Yikes!

[they run off, chased by Ralph the Guard]

These quotes come from Wikiquote's Animaniacs pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.