[The Scene changes to a blackboard, that was filled with letters and a hand holds a piece of chalk writes on the blackboard]
EEinstein
If the sun is P, and gravity is H, it makes a ppphhhhh. No no no no, the theory of relativity has escaped me! Why can't I get it?! WHY?! [the Doorbell rings and he turns to the door] Oh! This better be important, I'm thinking about black holes. [the Warners are standing at his house as he opens the door]
Like blackheads? You must be a dermatologist.
EEinstein
I am not. I am Albert Einstein, world-famous physicist.
Oh. I've never had a cyst, but Wakko's got a wart you can look at.
[Wakko raises his hand]
EEinstein
[looks at it] Eww. Vat do you kids want?
You wanna buy a yummy box of kids scout cookies? [gets a green box of cookies and he hands it to Einstein]
EEinstein
Cookies? Vat would I do with cookies?
Ya eat 'em, silly moustache man. Woah, dumber than advertised.
EEinstein
No I don't want cookies. I'm trying to unlock the mysteries of the universe! Now be good little scouts, and run away! [shuts the door]
[sits on the steps] Goodbye, merit badges.
[The spotlight shines on Dot]
Oh, oh! My heart aches with the sorrow of a thousand scouts. No merit badge, I mourn my loss. [sobs into her hands]
[The spotlight disappears]
[claps along with Wakko] Say, those acting classes are really paying off.
Don't worry siblings, we'll sell that nice man a box of cookies or die trying... or try dying, or do some tie dying! [gets a tie dye shirt, while Wakko and Dot clap]
[Back inside, Albert Einstein has a light bulb]
EEinstein
And now, to measure the speed of light. [turns on the lightbulb] Boy, that's quick. [gets off his chair and walks to the chalkboard and he turns it around, while the Warners are standing] OH!
YWYakko, Wakko and Dot
Hello! [they jump out of the chalkboard and kiss Einstein]
EEinstein
[grossed out] Phht!
Well how about it, kid? Want some cookies?
EEinstein
No, no, no, no cookies!
How about a chia pet? [shows one from hand]
EEinstein
No! I- oh, look at that! [the chia pet grows] Oh it's got little fuzzy grass. Well- [realizing what he is doing] no I can't, I can't! Don't you understand?! I can't be disturbed! I'm trying to figure out an equation that explains the universe!
Shouldn't you stick to skin disorders?
EEinstein
I am not a dermatologist!
Alright, alright, we get the picture! If you don't want any cookies, then just leave.
EEinstein
I'm not going to leave, this is my house.
EEinstein
Fine. [looks at him walking out of his own house, while Wakko jumps on an X-ray and Dot watches him as he opens and slams the door. As Einstein walks outside of his house, he stops, realizing that he's been duped] Grrrrrr! [goes back inside, then kicks Yakko, Wakko and Dot out the house and shuts the door]
Now, it's time for the hard sell.
EEinstein
No more disruptions. [turns to the windows and pulls the first one, then the second one, then the third one has Yakko, Wakko and Dot on it]
YWYakko, Wakko and Dot
Hello!
EEinstein
Aargh! [runs to the green chair and hides] YOU!
No, this is a "ewe". [takes a female sheep called an ewe] We're just plain old us.
EEinstein
[about to cry] Why won't you leave me alone?
[Yakko, Wakko and Dot zip in wearing green shirts]
Boy, have we got a deal for you! For a limited time only, when you buy our cookies, we'll throw in the amazing Acme pocket-fisherman! [a comically small fisherman waves at the audience. He then hands a fishing pole, a tackle box, and a cabin shower] The pocket-fisherman comes complete with fishing pole, tackle box and potty. He may be small, but he eats.
But wait, there's more. You'll also get the amazing Acme hair magnet. [Wakko carries a magnet that reads ACME, and Einstein's hair raises up. Dot has a comb and Yakko has a brush; they both have spraying cans] A unique solution to fine limp hair!
[has a camera and hides as he takes a photo] Smile! [the camera flashes and he holds the photo] You didn't smile.
[It's a picture of Albert Einstein sticks his tongue out. Now the real Albert Einstein sticks his tongue out]
To get the cookies, pocket-fisherman and hair magnet, here's how to order. [pulls the screen]
[sit on a chair and breaks the 4th wall] Hi, I'm Dot, an operator here at Acme. Order now, and we'll also throw in "Unexplained Mysteries of Fudge". Call now.
[Einstein cries and pounds the table]
[wears a red shirt and some black pants, then holds a calculator; in his Scottish accent] I don't think he can take much more, captain. He's about to blow.
I guess you really don't want any cookies, huh?
EEinstein
How can I eat cookies when the theory of relativity has escaped me?! It's all wrong! All wrong! [erases the chalkboard and wents to his desk, while Yakko, Wakko and Dot look at Einstein as he sits on his chair] I am a failure. Einstein is a dummy. Stupid Einstein dummy-boy.
YWYakko, Wakko and Dot
[look impressed, and huddle in a whisper] Hey, Einstein! [singing] Whenever we're feeling blue, here's what we always do. When your face is long, sing the Acme song, you'll feel so fresh and new!
[runs to the chalkboard and draws some letters; singing] There's the A that's first, there's a C that's next, there's an M you're almost done. There's the E, it's last, now spell it out: A-C-M-E, that's fun.
[spoken] Now, backwards! [singing] There's the E that's last, there's the M, it's next, There's C, you're almost done. There's the A, it's first, what's first is last. E-M-C-A, we're done.
[walks up to the chalkboard; spoken] Pretty good, Wakko, but your A always looks like a 2.
[Einstein looked impressed, his eyes are filled with orbit symbols, and he pushes Yakko, Wakko and Dot and they fall down. Einstein looks at the board, while the Warners look at him. He then writes an equal sign between the E and the M]
EEinstein
That's it! That's it! The theory of relativity, E equals MC squared! Energy equals mass times the speed of light squared! You kids is geniuses! E equals MC squared! [the scene changes to his house] E equals MC squared! [the scene changes to the City of Bern, Switzerland] E equals MC squared!
Animaniacs · 261 quotes
