[Thaddeus Plotz has captured the Warners]
Ruin my studio, will you?! You-You-You whatever you ares!
TMiss Tanaka
[tapping on his shoulder] Mr. Kato would like to know who is responsible for all of this.
It was them! I had nothing to do with it. They're responsible!
TMiss Tanaka
[to Mr. Kato and second Japanese investor, in a Japanese accent] Warner Brothers no sekinin desu. ("This is the responsibility of The Warner Brothers.")
KOMr. Kato and other Japanese investor
[to Yakko, in Japanese accents in unison] Great party! Great party! Great party! Great party! Ha ha ha ha!
Great party? Oh, oh, oh, yes. Uh, Great party![laughs. The Japanese investors glare at him; sighs weakly]
[to Yakko] We love The Warner Brothers! [giving The Warner Siblings the 1 billion dollar check] And here you go.
TMiss Tanaka
Mr. Kato presents the check for 1 billion dollars.
[to Yakko] You are A-O.K., partner!
MMadonna
[walks up to Mr. Kato and other Japanese investor] C'mon, you guys. We're going to play Truth or Dare. [takes them away arm and arm]
[Thaddeus Plotz's turns red, steaming up]
[to Dr. Scratchansniff] Well, Doc, there's a lesson to be learned in all of this.
SDr. Scratchansniff
Yeah? What's that?
I have no idea, but apparently it's worth a billion dollars.
[last lines; in anger] That's my check! Give me that! [starts chasing after The Warner Siblings, speeding] Give me that! That's mine! Come back here with my money! That's my check!
[Dr. Scratchansniff turns to the audience and gives the "Crazy" gesture before fading to black, ending this episode]
[The cartoon begins]
[voiceover] Previously on warner law,
[Dr. Scratchansniff comes out of the store, carrying the therapy couch on his back. He walks up to his car, but notices the parking ticket on his window wiper]
SDr. Scratchansniff
[shocked] Oh, no. [snatches the ticket] A parking ticket?! But vhy?! I put money in ze meter!
[Cut to Yakko, reading the ticket]
If you're innocent, then you've got to fight this ticket!
SDr. Scratchansniff
Ha ha! You? My lawyers? Oh, no no no no no. You kids is crazy. I'm going to pay ze ticket, [grabs the ticket from Yakko] boom, and zat is zat. [walks to the door] Und don't come anywhere near me! [slams door]
[Yakko looks at his silblings with a smirk on his face, and they spin around to wear lawyer suits]
Come, siblings. We have a trial to prepare!
SDr. Scratchansniff
It's time to play...
AAudience
[offscreen, as the words "You Risk Your Life" appear on the screen] You Risk Your Life!
SDr. Scratchansniff
Now, everybody's favorite host, Yakko.
[stock footage of a live-action audience clapping plays]
[Yakko cuts through the curtain with scissors, then slams his head on the stage a couple of times. Stock footage of a live-action audience clapping plays]
Thank you. Oh, Scratchansniff. Why don't we bring out our first two contestants?
SDr. Scratchansniff
Okay. She's a homemaker from Madison, Wisconsin. He is the world's greatest philosopher. Please, welcome Mrs. Myra Puntridge und Aristotle.
[The curtain reveals Mrs. Myra Puntridge (actually Elmra Duff from Tiny Toons Adventures), and Aristotle. Stock footage of a live-action audience clapping plays]
Welcome to You Risk Your Life. Say the secret word, and Wakko will hit you on the head with a mallet.
SDr. Scratchansniff
[offscreen, whispering] Today's secret word is "Yes."
Now, Myra, you're a homemaker, is that right?
MPMrs. Myra Puntridge
Oh, correct.
What kind of homes do you make?
[stock footage of a live-action audience laughing plays]
And, Aristotle, let's see here. It says you are a philosopher, is that correct?
[Dinging is heard offscreen, and Aristotle gets hit on the head]
Congratulations. You said the secret word. Well, are you both ready to play you risk your life?
[Dinging is heard offscreen, and Aristotle gets hit on the head again]
You said the secret word again. Congratulations. All right, you've chosen the category "Vocabulary." Here's your question. "What word is the opposite of 'No'?"
[Mrs. Myra Puntridge and Aristotle whisper]
[stock footage of a live-action audience clapping plays]
[Dinging is heard offscreen, and Aristotle gets hit on the head again]
Good night, everybody. See you tomorrow.
SDr. Scratchansniff
Mallet furnished by Bashem and Wallop of Beverly Hills. Good night.
Hey, you wanna hear a joke?
SDr. Scratchansniff
No! I don't like ze jokes, Wakko!
Not even a knock-knock joke?
[Wakko and Dr. Scratchansniff sit quietly for a moment]
SDr. Scratchansniff
Oh, alright, fine. One joke.
SDr. Scratchansniff
Who's there?
SDr. Scratchansniff
Max, who?
Wakko: Max wants to come in and go crazy!
SDr. Scratchansniff
[looks at the audience, confused, then back at Wakko] Well. Okay, now that's not really a joke, is it? You see, because it makes no sense.
SDr. Scratchansniff
But I don't KNOW Max!
If you did, you'd be laughin'!
SDr. Scratchansniff
Yakko, it's time to take the inkblot-test. Now, tell me... [shows an inkblot] ...what does this remind you of?
SDr. Scratchansniff
[shows another inkblot] What does this remind you of?
SDr. Scratchansniff
[annoyed, shows him one more inkblot] What does this remind you of?
[analyzes the inkblot] Uhhhhhhhhhhhh, girls.
SDr. Scratchansniff
Grrr! You are obsessed with GIRLS!
Hey, you're the one showing me all the sexy pictures.
This is the city: Los Angeles, California. On a starlit winter's night, when the moon was shining bright...Back in January of 1994, at 4:30 in the morning, and without a single warning, something strange began to move the floor. A quake! a quake! The house begins to shake! You're bouncing 'cross the floor and watching all your dishes break. You're sleeping, there's a quake, you're instantly awake. You're leaping out of bed and shouting.
SDr. Scratchansniff
Oh, for heaven's sake!
I ran outside with neighbors, their faces filled with shock. That's because I'm standing there In nothing but my socks. Oh, a quake, a quake.
Say, it's all a big mistake!
Just feel the ground go up and down!
Won't someone hit the brake? A quake, a quake, oh, what a mess they make! The bricks, the walls, the chimney falls, destruction in its wake!
SDr. Scratchansniff
I did not have insurance, so I called them from the scene And suddenly I'm listening to an answering machine, saying:
Too late! Too late! You shouldn't ought-a wait! So now you're stuck, we wish you luck! Here comes a 6.8! Whose fault? Whose fault? The San Andreas' fault, cause Mr. Richter can't predict her kicking our asphalt! Seismologists all say tectonic plates are in between an encroaching crustal mantle.
WDWakko and Dot
Yeah, so what the heck's that mean?
It means a quake! A quake!
WDWakko and Dot
Oh, really, yeah, no fake? We kinda had that feeling When the ground began to shake!
California's great! It's such a lovely state! 'Cause every lawn is sitting on a continental plate! Los Angeles had fires and a riot and a flood and then a drought and a recession and then now we hear this thud of a quake, a quake!
How much more can we take?!
We thought that we had seen it all...
But this one takes the cake! The dirt,
And all those aftershocks!
It's just the planet moving granite several city blocks! [to the tune of London Bridge] LA town is falling down while the ground moves around! We won't let it get us down, we're Californians!
It's time to pull up stake.
We're all fed up, we can't deny it!
Fires, quakes, and floods, and riot!
We want someplace with peace and quiet. So we're moving to Beirut!
SDr. Scratchansniff
[to Prunella] Vell, you know, when nature calls, you have to pick up the phone and say, "Hello. I got your message. I've got a package for you.".
"I've got a package for you"? Excuse me?!
SDr. Scratchansniff
[sarcastically] Oh, look who's talking, Mr. Potty Emergency!
Yeah, but I never said "package".
Animaniacs · 261 quotes
