Lorne quotes from Angel

Groosalugg

Is it dangerous? For Gunn and I can protect you.

Lorne

Well, no, it's not dangerous, it's just awkward. This guy's all hands. I mean, all hands, like fifty of 'em. Anybody fluent in sign language?

Lorne

Oh, hey, kiddo. I didn't see you there. You looking for your dad? Come on. He's upstairs. I'll show you the room. - This way.

Connor

I'm not going anywhere with you, demon.

Lorne

I'll tell you what, since you were raised in a hell dimension by a psychopath, and since that happens to be a topic that I know a little something about, we'll just let that slide. Now I'll fetch your pop for you.

Connor

Filthy demon.

Lorne

Actually, that's UNCLE filthy demon to you. It wasn't that long ago, like a week, I was changing your diapers, you little...

Lorne

[about Angel doing nothing with regards to Connor's return] Sometimes nothing is the best something. If a thing's meant to be, sometimes it's best to just let it happen, rather than try to force it.

But if a thing is meant to be, how can it be forced?

Lorne

Well, I guess it can't.

And if a thing is not meant to be?

Lorne

Well, then it really can't. Just 'cause someone hops a dimension or two is no guarantee things will work out. [realises that this also applies to Groo's relationship with Cordelia] Well, aren't you just sneaky with the subtext?

[walking towards the exit] It is a beautiful day. If my princess asks, tell her I have gone for a walk. [stops walking; turns to face Lorne] If she asks. [leaves]

Cordelia

Well, what about rebuilding your club here?

Lorne

Well, that's a great idea, pixiecat, except every time I do, you all seem to destroy it.

Cordelia

It was only (pauses and looks ashamed) three times.

Lorne

Back in Pylea, they used to call me 'sweet potato'.

Connor

Really?

Lorne

Yeah, well, the exact translation was 'fragrant tuber', but...

Wesley

To family.

Angel

To family.

Lorne

As long as it's not mine.

Is that why you ran out while Cordelia was singing?

Lorne

Well, "A", I wasn't running, I was fleeing. And, "B", yes.

Gunn

Well, how horrible is this thing?

Lorne

Well, I haven't read the Book of Revelations lately, but, if I was searching for adjectives, I'd probably start there.

Is that why you ran out while Cordelia was singing?

Lorne

Well, "A", I wasn't running, I was fleeing. And, "B", yes.

Gunn

Well, how horrible is this thing?

Lorne

Well, I haven't read the Book of Revelations lately, but, if I was searching for adjectives, I'd probably start there.

Was that all you saw?

Lorne

That was the tip of the 'berg, pumpkin nut. What I got from Cordy was dense. A big, fat, tummy-clinching onion from hell. The more layers you peel, the more you cry. Or vomit, in this case.

Lorne

In the meanwhile, guess what I'm doing for fun.

Gunn

I say we cut his head off.

Wesley

He may have information we need. When he wakes up—

Gunn

When he wakes up, we don't even know if this tape is gonna hold him. I say we cut his damn head off.

Wesley

Thank you very much, Marie Antionette.

Gunn

What'd you call me?

Cordelia

Hey! Hey, you two want to stop the homo-erotic buddy cop session long enough to explain this?

Gwen

Demon, okay? The whole nine: cloven feet and horns and teeth and... he wasn't wearing lamé, though.

Lorne

Yeah, the evil ones can't pull it off. It gets camp.

Angel

We're gonna need a cage.

Lorne

Cage?

Angel

A strong one. About ten-by-twelve, steel reinforced. Two inch bars, maybe three. I'll make some calls.

Gunn

What, he thinks something like that's going to hold the Beast?

Wesley

It's not for the Beast. It's for him.

[on monitor] Come on, Wes. Not like your schoolgirl crush is a secret.

Charles, remember, we can't believe anything Angelus says.

Gunn

How 'bout the stuff that's true? Can we believe that?

Cordelia

He distorts everything. He lies with the truth. It's part of what makes him so dangerous.

Lorne

Yeah, don't let him get to you, kiwi.

Gunn

He's not the only one that's gettin'.

Charles...

Gunn

I know. I know.

It's just words.

Wesley

[on monitor] You've found a vulnerability, exploited it. Well done. Can we move on now?

I'm just getting started.

I let Angelus walk with Lilah's book and everything Wolfram and Hart suckered out of your brain.

Lorne

I was gonna have those framed.

Wesley

No. They were bound to skulk off to neutral corners.

Gunn

Two vampires hook up and for the only time in vamp history, have a kid-our boy, Connor. Then Connor grows up, knocks it out with Cordelia, a part-demon former higher being, and quick as you can say "Easy-Bake Oven" there's a gigantic bun in hers. I don't think we were too harsh.

Lorne

Yeah, well, that was before my spell went all flop-a-palooza.

Having two part-demon parents might could explain the whoosh factor.

Gunn

Not gonna be long before whoosh turns into pop.

Lorne

Speaking of pop, don't you think our re-ensouled leader should be a part of this little confab?

Angel

(stepping out of his office) Easy-bake. Flop-a-palooza. Whoosh, pop. [to Wesley] I don't skulk.

Lorne

Has Cordy been a bad, bad girl? (looks into the Magic 8-Ball for the answer)

Definitely.