Lorne quotes from Angel

You.. You're.. here for the children's reading program.

Lorne

Yes. Yes I am.

It's not until tomorrow morning.

Lorne

I know. I never perform without checking out the space first. Get a feel for the room.

Oh. Well. The kids will flip over your costume. It looks so authentic.

Lorne

Thank you.

Except for the horns. But those are probably hard to fake.

Lorne

If you only knew.

Lorne

Just remember, keep your head down. Xenophobia, kind of a watchword where I'm from.

Gunn

I don't get it. Why are they afraid of Xena? I mean, I think she's kinda fly.

Wesley

Xenophobia. Fear of foreigners.

Gunn

Oh. Can we forget I just said that?

Lorne

They need the hotspot because they're going to Pylea, my home dimension.

And you're not going with them?

Lorne

Hey. I'd rather have a hydrochloric acid facial. I'd rather invite a hive of wasps to nest in my throat. I'd rather sit through a junior highschool production of "Cats". You see where I'm going with this?

Not Pylea?

Lorne

Exactomundo.

Lorne

How you holding up?

Angel

Oh, I want to go bad. I'm just waiting for Wes to have that Eureka moment.

Wesley

(from the other room) EUREKA!

Angel

Jeez. Oh, thank god.

Lorne

You mean he actually really says Eureka?

Angel

I don't wanna research, alright? I wanna jump through the big swirly hole thingy and save Cordelia!

Wesley

We might never be able to get back!

Angel

[quietly] It's Cordy.

Angel

Krv Drpglr pwlz...

Lorne

Oh, crap.

Angel

...chkwrt strplmt dwghzn prqlrzn lffrmtplzt.

Angel

Maybe I have to be standing where the portal opens.

Angel

Krv Drpglr pwlz chkwrt strplmt dwghzn prqlrzn lffrmtplzt!

Angel

What, is it - out of batteries? [Holds up the book and turns to face Lorne.] Is this thing out of batteries?!?

Lorne

Hmm, tough decision. Poor kid. But I'm right there with him.

Angel

Yeah. Me too, I guess.

Lorne

No, I mean about the not going part. You do know I'm not going, right?

Angel

What? - But it's your world. We need a guide.

Lorne

Remember when I said that I loved this dimension and I'm never, never, never gonna leave? Well, exactly which "never" did you not understand?

Lorne

Say mom, when I disappeared, did you notice anything...odd?

We noticed much feasting and celebration. Your brother Numfar performed the dance of joy for three moons . [shouts to a boy in the background] Numfar! Do the dance of joy.

Wesley

The Host reads people's auras to set them on their path, in some shape or form that connects them to the Powers that Be. I'm thinking...

Angel

Sure, he might be able to reverse the process. That he might be able to use Cordelia in order to 'trace the call' back to the Powers.

Lorne

WAY outside my area of expertise, I should caution. But hey, who knew William Shatner could sing? (He laughs, glances at a horribly disfigured Cordelia, and awkwardly stops) Okay. Bad example.

Angel

What's going on?

Wesley

We're being attacked.

Angel

Attacked? I thought you had double protection sanctorium spells?

Lorne

I do, and they work. It's a thing with the door and the stairs and the world and a thing. Never mind!

Gunn

Apparently you can be outside and chuck stuff in.

Lorne

I just said that.

Wesley

[about his web articles on DNA Fusion Comparisons and Tri-ped Demon Populations] It's an exciting arena.

Lorne

But one I'm sure we can all download at: I'll-never-know-the-love-of-a-woman-dot-com. Can we get down to business?

Angel

We can't afford any more mistakes. Making mistakes costs money and making money right now - it's our number one priority. [Lorne enters] Hey, Lorne.

Lorne

Uh, if this is about the baby formula I snagged from the fridge last night - sorry. I was feeling a little peckish and it was that or a glass of pig's blood. By the way, baby formula and Kaluha? Not as bad as it sounds.

Angel

Lorne, I need you to use your contacts and find out what Holtz is up to. He's out there somewhere, and we can never forget that. Finding him is our number one priority.

Gunn

I thought you said...

Angel

Finding Holtz and making money are our two number one priorities.

Angel

Helping the helpless, finding Holtz, and making money are our three number one priorities.

Lorne

Oh, relax, crumb cake. Man, little Connor burps like a champ.

Angel

At least he's sleeping.

Lorne

Who wouldn't? With that sweet Irish lullaby you crooned. Just a hair flat on the bridge, but - more to the point - Cordelia?

Angel

What about her?

Lorne

I read you while you were singing, you big corn muffin, and uh, can't say as I blame. I mean, what a woman she's become.

Angel

You're not supposed to be reading me. Anyway, you read me wrong.

Lorne

Sorry, strudel. It's not just when you're singing. We got a little term back in Pylea. Kyrumption?

Angel

I know it.

Lorne

Okay. When two great heroes come together-

Angel

There will be no coming together, okay? Everything we've been through together and all anybody wants to talk about is...

Lorne

Can't fight Kyrumption, cinnamon buns. It's fate. It's the stars. Kyrumption is...

Angel

Stop saying that. And stop calling me pastries.

Angel

I remember him being taller.

Lorne

A trick of the light. They don't actually get smaller until they're very, very old.

Angel

I didn't mean the baby.

Lorne

I know you didn't.

Angel

I meant the Groosalug.

Lorne

I know you did.

Angel

Did he seem, ah, - I don't know - short?

Lorne

Oh, absolutely. Clearly the guy shrank - all over, probably. Why, he's nothing but a muscley midget. I'm sure once Cordelia gets him home, she'll just pop him into a smallish drawer, and that will be that.

Angel

I'm not interested in what you think!

Lorne

Hey, easy guys!

Angel

[About Wesley] He took my son.

Gunn

I know this is life and death. I'm just saying, let's get...

Angel

He took my son!

Gunn

You better get your damn hands off of me!

Stop it! Stop it both of you! This isn't helping, damn it! [Pushes them apart] Back off! There is only one thing that matters right now, and that is 'where is Connor?'

Don't forget your machete.

Gunn

Yes, dear.

The Groosalugg

He is very fortunate to have such a woman looking after his weapon.

Lorne

[chuckling] I'm not touchin' that one.