Lori Beth Denberg in “Unfinished Business”

Lori Beth Denberg

It's nice to stop and smell the flowers. It's weird to stop and smell...this olllld burrito! If you smell smoke in your house, yell Fire!. If you smell smoke in your pants, yell 'Why am I smelling my pants?!". If your Mom's friend comes over with her new baby, don't say, Help me, Mama; that's one lousy baby!. If you have a pizza delivered, it's nice to tip the pizza man a dollar. It's not nice to say, Hey, thanks for the pizza...now, could you help me put it in my pants?. If you look under your arm, and find a big glob of mayonnaise...then NEVER, EVER, EVER COME NEAR ME! If your friend's Mom asks you what you'd like to drink, don't say Oh, nothing. My mouth's fulla spit. The early bird gets the worm. Fine! I don't want the worm!" Never put underwear on your head, and say to people, 'I'm little Nancy, and this my pretty new hat. It is better to sit there and look stupid...than it is to stand up, open your mouth, and announce, "HEY, I'M DEFINITELY STUPID!" If you like wearing a T-shirt that says "I'm extremely stupid"...well, then, you're extremely stupid. Girls...it's a bad idea to fill your bra with water and goldfish, and then people you've invented the "double-cup aquarium".