Lori Beth Denberg in “Unfinished Business”

Lori Beth Denberg

If you're lucky enough to have a hammer...please...don't hammer in the mornin. It's not safe to ride your bike with no hands. It's impossible to ride your bike with no rear end. One potato, two potato, three potato, four. I rode a bike that had no seat, and now my butt is sore. When it rains, it pours. When it snows...it's cold. If you have a friend who says, "I'm a little gumdrop, and I like to push my face into things that are sharp and pointy"...then you've got one weird friend. If you're on TV, giving out vital information, and your phone rings...don't answer it. It's not...okay to eat breakfast cereal out of your underpants. If you're on a first date with someone, never stick your finger in their spaghetti, twirl it, and holler, "Lookit, date; I'm makin' s'ghetti circles!". Twinkle, twinkle, little star; how I wonder...how in the world that song ever became so popular. There's no real reason to play basketball naked. If your first name is Wally, and your middle name is Wally, and your last name is Woo, then your name is...WALLY WALLY WOO!" If your first name is Brucifer, and your middle name is Yaptiddy, and your last name is Magoogoo, then CONGRATULATIONS! YOUR FULL NAME IS BRUCIFER YAPTIDDY MAGOOGOO! When you're checking out at the grocery store, never say 'Oh, I don't need any bags. I just stick the food in my pants!.