Maura quotes from ALF

Maura

Hi!

ALF

Uh oh!

Maura

Nice try, though.

ALF

Huh?

Maura

Come on, Sammy. Did you honestly think that you would fool me with that silly disguise?

ALF

Sammy? Sammy who?

Maura

What do you mean? Sammy you!

ALF

You know me?

Maura

Of course. Quit fooling around. Sit down and have a drink.

ALF

Well, maybe a short one.

ALF

You realize I'm a figment of your imagination, not an alien from another planet? Right?

Maura

Of course.

ALF

Just checking. Gotta run! I've got other dreams to appear in.

Maura

Knock it off, Sammy. You're not going anywhere.

ALF

I'm not?

Maura

No, we've been through all this before. That is the strangest I've ever seen you look.

ALF

You should see me in a tank top.

Maura

This beats the time you showed up as the dog in the cowboy suit.

ALF

How often do I show up?

Maura

You arrive during the 3rd margarita, and leave during the blackout.

ALF

At least I'm consistent.

Maura

Here, salud! [gives ALF a drink]

ALF

[sniffs] Holy owned and operated! What is this stuff?

Maura

What do you mean? We've been drinking tequila for 7 years.

ALF

Did I ever ask what's in it?

Maura

Nope, you just said it tastes better than it smells.

ALF

Let's hope so. At least there's a worm in it. [gasps] I was wrong.

Maura

About what?

ALF

This tastes worse that it smells. [coughs]

Kate

Rough night, last night, huh?

Maura

Oh, no rougher than usual.

Kate

Maura, I-I-I don't know exactly how to say this, but are you aware of how much you drink?

Maura

Well, I drink, but no more than anybody else. I can certainly handle it.

Kate

I'm not so sure about that. I think that you might have a little problem with this.

Maura

[chuckles] Oh, Kate. Kate, I had a huge fight with my husband. I'm under a lot of pressure at the firm. [outside, ALF hears Maura] It helps me relax, that's all. I don't have a drinking problem. Look, Kate, I had a few drinks last night because I was happy to see everybody. I had one or two more here before I went to bed but that was it!

ALF

[comes in the kitchen as he mimicks buzzer] Wrong!

Maura

Sammy! Kate, do you see-

ALF

She can't see or hear me, Maura. Only you can. I'm your drinking pal, remember?