ALF is sitting on Willie's bed, and a burglar comes through the window
ALF{as narrator}: Then it happened. He came into my life. At first, I thought it was Santa Claus. Then it hit me: Santa probably wouldn't smell of cheap wine. Besides, he was beginning to fill his bag with things that didn't belong to him. I was scared stiff, but I realized I had to do something; I realized I was the man of the house.
Excuse me? Can you take a little constructive criticism? What you're doing here is wrong.
BBurglar
[examines ALF] Must be one of those talking dolls.
Oh, yeah!? Ever had a talking doll rip out your voice box!?
[Burglar screams in shock and jumps out the window]
PPoliceman
Are you Mr. & Mrs. Tanner?
Yes, Officer. What can I do for you?
Policeman presents captured burglar
PPoliceman
This man actually chased us down two blocks and begged us to arrest him!
BBurglar
What I did was wrong, and I must be punished.
PPoliceman
We will get to that, for right now just relax. Do you own these?
Policeman presents stolen items
That is my brooch and my jewelry box!
PPoliceman
If you come to the station and complete a report for us, you can have them back...if you want them back.
BBurglar
Come on, you promised, you promised!
PPoliceman
OK, OK! Mr. and Mrs. Tanner, this man claims he was motivated to surrender himself to us on account of seeing an odd creature with a big nose wearing a blue dress.
OMrs. Ochmonek
Well, I will go home now.
Mrs. Ochmonek is wearing a frumpy blue dress
PPoliceman
Well, at least you will not be able to plead insanity.
[voiceover] And then it happened. I was sitting on the bed and when it happened. He came into my life. [a man comes in through the window] At first I thought it was Santa Claus. Then it soon dawned on me, Santa probably wouldn't smell like cheap wine. Besides, he was beginning to fill up his bag with stuff that didn't belong to him. I was scared stiff. But I knew I had to do something. I realized for that moment I was the man of the house. Excuse me, sir. May I have a word with you?
I did. Can you take some constructive criticism? What you're doing here is wrong.
BBurglar
It must be one of them talking dolls.
Oh, yeah? Ever have a talking doll rip out your voice box?
[the burglar screams falls down to the ground from the Willie and Kate's bedroom]
[gets scared as Willie comes] Oh, Mr. Tanner, thank God you're home! This evening has been a nightmare.
So I heard. [picks up the stick as Kate and Lynn come home] No! No! Mrs. Ochmonek.
I don't know what's going on here? I hope the police get here soon!
Weird things have been going on in this house all night, especially in your bedroom.
Lynn, take Mrs. Ochmonek to the kitchen and give her some tea.
Okay, mom. [takes Raquel to the kitchen] Come on, Mrs. Ochmonek. Would you prefer herbal tea or regular?
[Willie and Kate run up to their room]
ALF · 397 quotes
