“Strangers in the Night” · Season 1, Episode 2
In this episode: ALF (3), Willie Tanner (3), Burglar (3), Kate Tanner (2), Raquel (2), Lynn Tanner (1)
ALF, I am sorry that you cannot watch Psycho, but if you can promise me you will stay in the bedroom and not make noise, then I will consider next time that you may babysit Brian when Kate and I are out. I got you a jigsaw puzzle.
It's broken!
The idea is you are supposed to put it back together.
I did not break it!
I also got the newest issue of your favorite comic book, Shanna, Mistress of the Universe.
I don't want Shanna. I want Mrs. Bates.
ALF is sitting on Willie's bed, and a burglar comes through the window
ALF{as narrator}: Then it happened. He came into my life. At first, I thought it was Santa Claus. Then it hit me: Santa probably wouldn't smell of cheap wine. Besides, he was beginning to fill his bag with things that didn't belong to him. I was scared stiff, but I realized I had to do something; I realized I was the man of the house.
Excuse me? Can you take a little constructive criticism? What you're doing here is wrong.
[examines ALF] Must be one of those talking dolls.
Oh, yeah!? Ever had a talking doll rip out your voice box!?
[Burglar screams in shock and jumps out the window]
Are you Mr. & Mrs. Tanner?
Yes, Officer. What can I do for you?
Policeman presents captured burglar
This man actually chased us down two blocks and begged us to arrest him!
What I did was wrong, and I must be punished.
We will get to that, for right now just relax. Do you own these?
Policeman presents stolen items
That is my brooch and my jewelry box!
My cufflinks!
If you come to the station and complete a report for us, you can have them back...if you want them back.
Come on, you promised, you promised!
OK, OK! Mr. and Mrs. Tanner, this man claims he was motivated to surrender himself to us on account of seeing an odd creature with a big nose wearing a blue dress.
Well, I will go home now.
Mrs. Ochmonek is wearing a frumpy blue dress
Well, at least you will not be able to plead insanity.
Pizza Barge! 1 super Sicilian, that's me. Here's your pizza. Sorry we couldn't leave it by the tree. It's against company policy.
I don't understand.
Well the last time we left one by a tree, a squirrel died.
No, I mean I didn't order a pizza and I refuse to pay for it.
Lady, it's already paid for, house account.
[grabbing pizza box] Oh, well in that case.
[holding out hand] What about my tip?
[gives a dime to the delivery man] Here is this enough?
Oh, sure. In some states I can still make a phone call!
Raquel closes door
In some states I can still make a phone call.
[voiceover] And then it happened. I was sitting on the bed and when it happened. He came into my life. [a man comes in through the window] At first I thought it was Santa Claus. Then it soon dawned on me, Santa probably wouldn't smell like cheap wine. Besides, he was beginning to fill up his bag with stuff that didn't belong to him. I was scared stiff. But I knew I had to do something. I realized for that moment I was the man of the house. Excuse me, sir. May I have a word with you?
Who said that?
I did. Can you take some constructive criticism? What you're doing here is wrong.
It must be one of them talking dolls.
Oh, yeah? Ever have a talking doll rip out your voice box?
[the burglar screams falls down to the ground from the Willie and Kate's bedroom]
[gets scared as Willie comes] Oh, Mr. Tanner, thank God you're home! This evening has been a nightmare.
So I heard. [picks up the stick as Kate and Lynn come home] No! No! Mrs. Ochmonek.
I don't know what's going on here? I hope the police get here soon!
Police?
Weird things have been going on in this house all night, especially in your bedroom.
Lynn, take Mrs. Ochmonek to the kitchen and give her some tea.
Okay, mom. [takes Raquel to the kitchen] Come on, Mrs. Ochmonek. Would you prefer herbal tea or regular?
I prefer scotch.
[Willie and Kate run up to their room]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's ALF pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
